Paulz Blog

I LIVE, I LEARN

2011-12-10T11:02:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I ran into another one of my mysteries. Something disappeared and nobody seemed to know how or exactly when this happened. The missing item was a wide mouth funnel of the type that is used in home canning operations. I sometimes used it to pour a thick drinks from the blender into a tall glass. One day it was gone so I decided to order a replacement.

I went online to E-Bay and found several but there was one particular funnel that seemed like a bargin that was too good to be true. It was a “wide mouth, stainless steel funnel.” The “buy it now” cost was only one dollar and twenty-nine cents ($1.29) and the shipping was free. I couldn’t pass up a bargain like that so I ordered one and began to wait. I waited three weeks and had about decided it was a dishonest seller and was preparing a complaint to file with E-Bay.

Then one day the funnel arrived in the mail and, as advertised, it was a stainless steel funnel but the size wasn’t exactly what I had anticipated.

I suppose everything in life can be a lesson. I know the next time I will be sure to check the size before I buy. But, all in all, it wasn’t a bad price to pay for a valuable lesson in life, plus getting a subject for a new blog.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December 10, 2011

ONE SUNDAY AFTERNOON

2011-12-07T13:15:00.000-08:00

Around 1930 my father built a house with a rather large living room. Jutting off from that room was a dining room on one side and a room they called “The Sun Room” on another. It was “The Sun Room” because it had windows on all sides. I recall a particular Sunday afternoon when I was 17 years old and in the Sun Room doing homework for a drafting class I was taking in the evenings. As I casually listened to the radio the program was interrupted with an urgent news bulletin. Japan had bombed Pearl Harbor! We soon learned that Pearl Harbor was in Hawaii and the United States was unwillingly at war with Japan and World War II had begun.

For me, December 7, 1941 was one memorable Sunday afternoon and today, 70 years later, it seems as though it was yesterday.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December 7, 2011

ANOTHER LESSON IN LIFE

2011-12-05T10:49:00.000-08:00

It seems that many of my adventures in my life could serve as a lesson to others if examined closely. I thought of that the other day when another one of my experiences came to mind.

One summer, when I was a skinny kid about 10 years old, I decided to mow the lawn as a surprise for my father when he returned home from work. So, in the hot summer sun and using an old fashioned, hand-powered mower I proceeded to push that clunky old mower back and forth for about two hours.

I waited for my father to come home and soon the car drove up, my father got out and headed towards the house.

I called to him, “Look Dad. I mowed the lawn.”
He glanced towards me and said, “You didn’t trim around the trees.”

Those six words have been in my mind for more than seventy-five years now. They are as clear as though they had been spoken yesterday.

Fast forward to 2011 and I am now 88 years old.

A few days ago I undertook a minor repair job at home. Well, actually, I replaced a toilet seat that had a broken hinge. I replaced the entire seat with a new one and after I had cleaned up everything put the tools away I thought it looked pretty good. So, I ushered in my spouse to show off my handiwork.

She took a quick look, pointed to the two fasteners and said, “One is higher than the other.”

Without thinking I said, “And I didn’t trim around trees either.”

Of course, there is a point to my writing this story and thinking about it might benefit some readers with young children.

I’m sure if, as an adult, I had ever mentioned this to my father he wouldn’t have the faintest idea what I was talking about. Never the less, we all should constantly be aware that everything we say to our children might be remembered and could affect their lives for many years.

Now to get back to making those fasteners the same height.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December 5, 2011

I AM HUMAN -- I THINK

2011-12-03T09:17:00.000-08:00

As one might suspect, writing is one of the things I enjoy doing. Always striving to do it as well as possible, I often seek advice online. I even subscribe to a couple of newsletters that regularly send me hints. One of those arrived the other day and it had, “55 Synonyms For Courage.” I was surprised to see Number 6:

6. Boldness: This word means “daring, fearless” but can also mean “adventurous” as well as “presumptuous.”

Until now I had never seen any real advantage to my hair loss but now I see -- Oh no. They said, “boldness.”

I probably would get more benefit from instructions on how to read more carefully.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December 3, 2011

I'M BACK

2011-11-27T09:50:00.000-08:00

I suppose apologies are in order in case there is someone out there who has been checking my blog site only to find nothing new. It’s just that there’s been almost nothing new in my life -- until now.

Alert: For me to tell of my latest adventure you must at least be able to hear the term "constipation" without fainting.

I had been having some trouble with that so had been hitting the fiber pretty good. This was fine but the other day I needed to go to a medical lab for a routine blood check and I was concerned that I might need to make an emergency run to a rest room. Since I wear a pullover sweater, and suspenders under that, I felt it might delay the process in case I needed to use the facility in a hurry. So, I got rid of the suspenders and put on a belt just in case I might need a quick change. You see, that way pants could be lowered without the necessity of removing the sweater.

I arrived at the lab and went though the check-in spot and then sat down to await my turn. Soon someone called my name There were about a dozen people in the waiting room and apparently I was the only one with that name so, holding my papers in one hand and my cane in the other, I stood up and walked towards the lady.

She said, “Follow me.” And started to walk away.

I said, "Wait. I'm in trouble. My pants are falling down.”

So there I was, holding the papers and the cane in one hand and with the other hand I was trying to pull up my pants which were, by then, around my knees. I don't know if you have ever tried to pull up pants with one hand but it’s not the most efficient way of doing it. Also, my equilibrium isn’t all that great so I was also trying to lean on a nearby counter at the same time.

I finally said, “Will you please help me pull my pants up?” For a moment she looked puzzled as though she had never seen a guy standing in the waiting room with his pants around his knees.

Finally she did help me by crouching down and pulling my pants up using both hands.

The rest of the visit was uneventful. However, as I told the lady who helped me, “You now have a story to tell your grandchildren.”

With the widespread availability of cell phone cameras I fully expected to see my rear end on the 6 o’clock news but I didn't so I guess I missed my fifteen minutes of fame.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
November 26, 2011

STRANGE HAPPENINGS

2011-08-19T11:21:00.000-07:00

There is something strange going on here and I don’t understand it. Where I live, in Carmel, California, there is an annual Antique Car Show. People come from many miles away and show their antique cars to other antique car owners. This has been going on every year for 61 years and during this particular week we often see these old cars driving around the area as well as the fancy moving vans used to transport these cars.

The thing that mystifies me is what they classify as an "antique car." In former years I used to see old cars displayed that I had only read about. But it seems to be different now.

Yesterday I saw a car that everyone was admiring and it was the same model my father had when I was growing up. How could a 1934 Essex be an antique? We used to drive that to go on picnics. Well, actually, my father drove it.

But the first car I owned was a 1938 Buick and, granted, it wasn’t in the shape the one on display is, but it certainly wasn’t an antique. And for sure it wasn’t worth $150,000. In fact, $50 would be closer to what I paid for it.

There is something very strange going on these days as far as what people consider “old” and I’m going to make an attempt find out what it is. Maybe it’s that “Time Warp” thing I’ve read about in science fiction stories. Probably something like that.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
August 19, 2011

IT'S NOT ALWAYS ENGLAND

2011-08-11T14:20:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who lives in England. Whenever I mention some particular achievement that some American did he always says, “Oh, we did that in England many years ago.”

I don’t mean things like landing on the moon but rather, everyday, man-on-the-street things. For example, I might mention a recently written song I enjoyed by an American composer. He would say, “Oh, The Beatles did that years ago.”

I’m inclined to think he is exaggerating most of the time but until now I never really had a proper comeback so I just accepted his overbearing attitude thinking that someday I would be able to find something Americans did first.

The day has arrived.

I see in the news that gangs of young thugs were roaming the streets of London and Manchester destroying property for no apparent reason except they think that’s what gangs of young thugs are supposed to do.

Well, my English Friend, I have news for you. We did that with the Watts Riots back in 1965! Gangs of young thugs roamed the streets destroying property for no apparent reason except they thought that’s what gangs of young thugs were supposed to do.

Sure, it happened in London but we did it first!

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
August 11, 2011

PS Thank you, Caroline x.

SAVE TIBET

2011-07-26T13:29:00.000-07:00

This morning I stopped at a traffic light and while waiting for the light to change I noticed the car ahead of me displayed a small sign in the rear window. The only words were, “SAVE TIBET.”

“Okay.”

I wondered how I would do that since I only have a vague notion of where Tibet is and certainly have never been there and I doubt if there are many readers of this blog who are or ever were, Tibetans.

None the less, the vehicle ahead of me was ordering me to, “SAVE TIBET.” Well, to be truthful, I’m not 100% sure it was actually aimed at me. There was another car adjacent to me and perhaps the message was meant for him, though I checked him out and he looked more like a high school student than a Tibetan Activist. However, I suppose there’s no reason why an activist couldn’t dress that way. It might even be a disguise.

But then, I’m not really sure what a Tibetan Activist is supposed to look like. I assume they don’t care about hiding their identity or the car owner certainly wouldn’t have placed a sign in the rear window for all to see. That little sign practically bellowed that the occupant of this car was a Tibet Activist of some kind.

Arriving home I was still puzzled as to what I was supposed to do. I did an internet search for “Save Tibet” but that didn’t really tell me much so I figured I would do something that is very rare for me -- I would use common sense. I went to my word processor and wrote this little thing. Next I clicked on where it indicates, “Save.” A little box appeared asking me to name whatever it was I wanted to Save. I typed “Tibet.”

Tah dah!

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
July 26, 2011

I HAVE AN IDEA

2011-07-17T10:46:00.000-07:00

By now it is obvious to everyone that the Powers That Be in Washington are having severe budget problems. This is happening at a time when many people are saying the United States economy is sinking to depression level.

There are many people still alive who remember the Great Depression of the 1930s. Well, there still are a few people. At that time there were several government programs to help unemployed people but the main thing that happened to pull the country out of the depression was World War II.

At that time all of the industries went full bore producing goods for the “war effort”. That certainly was a factor in putting an end to that depression. It seems to me that might be what we need right now. Perhaps a war would help things.

Oh, that's right. We already have one of those and it doesn't seem to be helping at all.

Back to the drawing board.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
July 17, 2011

OOPS

2011-06-25T14:21:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago I wrote about creating a short story I called "Steinbeck Is Dead." I found I had made a mistake (Crowd gasps!) and clicking the suggested link didn't work.

It works now.

At least I think it works now and if you are interested you can also click here -- I think.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 25, 2011

A SECRET I'LL SHARE

2011-06-23T14:13:00.000-07:00

It dawned on me that I ran across a great secret and yet I’ve never seen mentioned anywhere. I can personally vouch for its validity and will pass it on to you as my contribution to future generations.

The road to the discovery I made began when I accidentally fell and broke my hip about a year ago. I use the word “accidentally” because there are some people who seem to think I did it deliberately to avoid certain chores around the house but that simply is not true. It was an accident.

After the surgery I was fortunate enough to qualify for some intensive physical therapy for about a month. At the end of that time I was mobile but far from being back to what I was. However, this did not bother me because I clearly remembered going into the U.S. Navy Flight Training program and bring whipped into great shape. It only took about three months.

So, I set about mimicking that training routine and it was difficult but I knew it would get easier in three months. I had done it before, I certainly could do it again if I set my mind to it.

Three months later I deduced that wasn’t true. I had given it my best shot and after three months I was no better, possibly worse, than before I started.

I think I have finally have the answer and I figured this out without the help of any outside guidance. It was fairly simple: The human body at 20 years old is not the same as the human body when it’s 88 years old.

You would think that, along the way, someone would have mentioned this. But “No”, I was left to figure it out myself.

So, I now pass it along to you and hope you never actually need this information. However, if you do, I am positive the 20-year old body and the 88-year old body are not identical. Or even close.

My advice is still the same: Don’t fall down! This is an age-neutral piece of advice and it’s the same if you are 20 years old with a slight case of acne or a mature 88 with gray hair that makes you look sexy.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 23, 2011

I WROTE A STORY

2011-06-22T11:02:00.000-07:00

Many of you may have heard of a program called OLLI. To quote from the catalog:

The Osher Lifelong Learning Institute at CSU Monterey Bay was established in 2007 with a grant from the Bernard Osher Foundation. We bring the joy and stimulation of lifelong learning to adults age 50 and better who are interested in university-level education without the pressure of course credits or grades.

This program exists at many colleges and last year I signed up for a “Writers’ Circle” group. Each week we would get together and read, comment and occasionally praise each others efforts.

There was one man who laughingly referred to himself as “The Adverb Police.” He would take whatever I wrote and circle all the words ending with “ly.” The contention was that using these adverbs constituted “bad writing.” And he was not alone in that belief. Many respected authorities agree.

So, sort of as a joke, I started to write a short story about all the books with adverbs in the title being missing from the library. I got so interested in writing the story and it kind of “got away from me.” I had intended to read it at the meeting but it became much longer than I had thought it would.

I think it's a fun story to read so I posted it at my website for anyone and everyone to read. The title is “Steinbeck Is Dead” and you should be able to read it by clicking on that title or here.

I hope you enjoy it and I'd appreciate any comments or questions to oldprof@oldprof.com

P.S. There are several hidden giggles in the story. If you think you may have missed them, and that's probably, I'll be happy to point them out. Just ask me via e-mail at oldprof@oldprof.com

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 22, 2011

I AM STILL HERE ALIVE AND --- WELL?

2011-06-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

I recently received e-mails from many people who said they missed my regular blogging. Well, two actually.

It’s always nice to be missed and it’s true, I started blogging about 7 or 8 years ago but lately haven’t seemed to come up with anything that even interests me.

It may be an age thing but I don’t think so. It’s more probable that I have said everything worth saying and there is a seldom observed rule: “When one has nothing more to say one should stop talking.”

Of course, exceptions are made for politicians who must keep talking lest people forget they are there making them potential candidates for the unemployment line. There are already too many unemployed without my causing more.

I don’t mean to imply that a politician being unemployed would necessarily be a bad thing. For many we would notice a major improvement in the way government functions.

I certainly appreciate being missed and don’t want to lose any friends, even the invisible kind. They aren’t the same as “the imaginary kind” though I don’t want to lose those either. Some of them are my best friends.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 21, 2011

THAT IS NOT WHAT GUYS DO!!!

2011-05-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

Recently I ran across something on a television program. A couple were having marital problems. She complained that he had terrible manners and was always eating with his hands, passing gas, burping, and doing other things she found objectionable.

His reply is that she should get used to it because, “That’s what guys do.”

No, they don’t!
At least they didn’t in any house I’ve ever lived in.

However, it did remind me of something I had almost forgotten. This happened to me when I was 13 years old.

My best friend was Bob, who happened to be an only child. One day his mother invited me to have dinner with them. It was probably my first dinner away from my family and I was a bit nervous as to what I should do.

When dinner was served we each had a t-bone steak.
I was aghast when I saw Bob pick his up with his hands and start eating it. Bob’s mother smiled and said, “That’s alright when we're at home.”

I couldn’t help but think it certainly wouldn’t be allowed at my house.

Fast forward 4 years. Bob and I were in the same high school graduating class. Our school held two functions for graduating seniors. One was the Senior Prom and, I suppose mostly for non-dancers, there was the Senior Banquet.

The Senior Banquet was a semi-formal affair held at a big hotel. There was a head table with school officials making humorous speeches along the “Now We are Equal” line.

For the dinner we sat at tables of six boys or six girls. I don’t recall any being mixed. I sat at a table directly across from Bob.

When the food was served it was a steak dinner! I watched as Bob looked at his plate, looked around and then looked some more. He finally picked up his steak knife and started to work on the steak. When he made his first move, the steak slid off the plate, across the table and landed on the floor.

Bob said, “Oops”, picked it up, wiped it off, put it back on his plate and eventually managed to eat it.

Bob and I stayed in touch after graduation and even exchanged V-Mail notes when he went in the Army and I joined the Navy.

One day I collected my mail and my most recent letter to Bob had been returned. Across the front, in big bold letters, was DECEASED.

Bob died in the South Pacific. I never did know if he learned to eat steak. Possibly not. During World War II steak was a rarity.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 15, 2011

IT ISN'T RIGHT

2011-05-03T14:11:00.000-07:00

Once again I find myself in a minority position but not sure enough of myself enough to actually stand up and say, "This isn't right." But it isn't.

I'm talking about this Bin Laden feeding frenzy. The President of the United States came out and announced, "We got him!" or words to that effect and everyone took to the streets waving flags and yelling "You Ess Aye." I even saw one of the New York tabloids (not that they are famous for good taste) with the headline,"ROT IN HELL." That isn't right!

That isn't the way we do things in You Ess Aye. Even the most despicable characters are given a trial and, with the exception of O.J. Simpson, executed if guilty. We did it for that Saddam guy in Iraq and everyone felt justice was served. It should be even more important that, "We did it our way."

This most recent feeding frenzy makes me feel uneasy. Can you say, "German Jew?"

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 3, 2011

ADDICTIONS

2011-05-02T13:31:00.000-07:00

The other day I saw a television program discussing addictions. There were various medical people explaining how addiction is something that happens in the brain and they talked about how to go about trying to fix it.

It occurred to me that I must be, for certain, what they called, “an addictive personality.” In my lifetime, which isn’t nearly over, I’ve suffered from at least two major addictions not even considering that being married 4 times probably makes me an marriage addict.

At one time I smoked two and a half packs of cigarettes every day. That’s 50 cigarettes as I recall. I did that for more than 50 years and one day I quit.

Additionally, I regularly drank at least “a fifth” of vodka every day even when I was working and was unable to start drinking until my workday was done. I did better than that on the weekends if more is better.

For those unfamiliar with the term “a fifth”, that’s one fifth of a gallon and in the United States it’s about 26 ounces.

I think I was more than qualified to be classified as “alcoholic.” However, I didn’t want to enroll in Alcoholics Anonymous because I understood they would want me to stop drinking and I didn’t want to stop. It made me feel good when I drank. Occasionally it didn’t make others connected to me feel good, but at the time I would be unaware of that.

Today I neither smoke nor drink. How did I that happen?

Maybe it doesn’t hold true for everyone but stopping smoking was a little easier. My wife of the time and I had sold our home and had bought a brand new motor home which we drove all over the country for about 3 or 4 years. When the motor home was new the interior had a nice clean, smell and, not wanting to spoil that, my wife and I would step outside when we wanted to smoke.

One day it was pouring rain and we were standing under the awning smoking. We looked at each other and sensed what we were doing wasn’t very intelligent. One of us said, “This is stupid.” and we never smoked again and that was over 20 years ago.

The drinking was a little different. That didn’t seem to make anything smell bad so I kept doing that, though as years went by I knew I should slow down.

Then, about 15 years ago I suffered a seizure. I had never experienced one before and was lucky to have only bumped my head.

A medication called Dilantin was prescribed.

I then underwent all kinds of test and the specialists could find no reason for the siezure and my doctor said I no longer needed to take the Dilantin.

He was wrong. I had a second seizure.

This time I was in bed and am told I didn’t fall out of bed or hit anything but the muscle contractions alone were strong enough to shatter my right shoulder and I was left with a shoulder that is constantly at some level of pain and can’t lift my right hand much above my head. And I am using the Dilantin again.

On the Dilantin bottle it says, “Do not use alcohol when using this drug.”

That’s all it took for me. That was my last drink. As much as I enjoyed it and would even enjoy a glass of wine now and then, there was no way I’d even take an outside chance of another seizure.

That was about 15 years ago and it seems to be working all right now and I have become used to the pain.

Now, I’m not suggesting this as a substitute for Alcoholics Anonymous but it did work for me. At least so far.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 2, 2011

THE ROYAL WEDDING IN ENGLAND

2011-04-29T11:42:00.000-07:00

So England’s Royal Wedding is now history and Prince William and Catherine Middleton are now man and wife.

I didn’t actually see it but understand they were married by the Bishop of London who delivered a short sermon after the ceremony.

It brought back some memories of my first marriage. It was with a traditional Catholic mass and after the priest “Pronounced us man and wife” he leaned forward. I assumed he was going to send us off with wise advice or at least wish us well. Instead he came close to me and whispered, “Get out fast. I have a funeral coming in.”

Perhaps that had something to do with why that marriage never “worked out.” Maybe we didn’t get out fast enough.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 29, 2011

AN EPIPHANY

2011-04-19T14:52:00.000-07:00

Epiphany noun • a moment of sudden revelation or insight.

Yes, I think that’s it. I recently had a legitimate epiphany.

It was last Saturday and I was sitting at a table outside a coffee shop at a large shopping center near our home. It was a warm, sunny day and I was enjoying doing some casual people watching.

At a nearby table sat three young people, one woman and two men who were enlisted personnel in the U.S. Navy. As I sat there I admired how neat they looked and how their strength and determination seemed to radiate from them. It made me feel good about the future of our nation.

A neatly dressed young woman passed by walking towards the parking area. She carried a package and I couldn’t help but notice her smooth, confident, comfortable stride.

Another young couple from a nearby table got up and walked away, hand in hand.

It was then the epiphany hit me. Each of these young people were going about whatever they needed to do and not thinking at all about how easy it was to stand up or how they could just walked along without a thought of needing assistance of any kind.

I thought how lucky these young men and women are and they don’t even realize it. I’m sure it never crosses their minds about the wonderful combination of circumstances that makes them able to do very complex things automatically.

“It’s too bad.”, I thought. “But they will learn if they are fortunate enough to live long enough to a time when these wonderful abilities are no longer there.”

Then the epiphany hit. “No. It’s not too bad they don’t realize this. It’s a good thing they don’t. Losing these abilities will come soon enough. Then there will be plenty of time to say, ”Too bad.”

It was not with envy that I thought this. It was more that I wished I had appreciated these abilities more when I did I have them.

But I suppose it’s just as well most young people are unaware of the amazing abilities they possess because if they realized how valuable these skills are they probably would spend too much time worrying about the time they might lose them. And really, that time isn’t all that bad. Certainly not worth wasting even one day of those wonderful youthful years.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 19, 2011

THE HUMAN BODY

2011-04-14T16:08:00.000-07:00

These days I've been more or less forced into thinking a lot about the structure of the human body. Whoever or whatever designed this piece of equipment did a marvelous job considering it was probably designed without the use of computers as it would be had it been done today.

I’ve read that there are more than 200 different bones in the human body and they work together using what seems to me a very complex system of levers, cables, hinges, pulleys and various other devices. At first glance it would seem amazing if it worked at all.

I wonder how many models were tested and failed before one worked successfully. I’ve read the Wright Brothers failed over and over before they made a machine that actually flew. It now seems fairly simple to make something fly and compared to making the human body work, flying would seem to be child’s play. Yet there seems to be little information available about how many failures the designer had before a human body was made to work in an acceptable fashion.

All in all, most human bodies seem to work fairly well though I question the designers choice of material for the framework. Perhaps at that time some sort of calcified mineral was the only material available to use for bones. Probably things like titanium hadn’t been discovered yet. That’s too bad because a human body with a skeleton made of titanium bones would be both light weight and strong so if a body happened to trip over something in a parking lot there would probably be no harm done at all.

Still, all in all, I tip my hat to the designer. After all, how many other things do we know where the original design is still being produced using the original equipment and methods?

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 14, 2011

THE CANE AND I

2011-04-11T14:01:00.000-07:00

Recently it was suggested that I might want to use a cane. A cane is touted as helping one from falling down, or so I’m told. Now I, and I assume most people, knew little about canes. So, I did what I often do when I know little about something, I started by going to the dictionary.

I discovered if one doesn’t know much about canes, the dictionary is not the place one should go to change that. It told me a cane was: “a slender stick, esp. one used as a support for plants, as a walking stick, or as an instrument of punishment.”

I suppose I knew that but it seemed strange to me that a canes' uncanny ability to disappear wasn’t mentioned. Mine must disappear half a dozen times a day and I have no idea what message it’s trying to send. Probably it would fall under that “instrument of punishment” heading.

However, I do try to keep a positive attitude towards the damned thing and attempt to make it think I am its friend. I even did some further research on canes and found they go back to prehistoric days. Originally it was a stick that some caveman picked up to take the weight off of an injured foot. But, according to the writing on cave walls, it wasn’t long before some of the wealthier cavemen began making canes fancier than just a plain stick. Eventually this trend ended up with those who could afford it, using dinosaur bones as canes. In many cases this made the user look ridiculous because most dinosaur bones were much too long and the saw hadn’t been invented yet.

Many people know that Fred Astair and Gene Kelly made movies where they used canes while dancing. However, most don’t know this! There is a cave wall in Indonesia that clearly depicts a caveman tap dancing with a stick. Of course, he wasn’t singing, “Dancing in the Rain.” That would be silly.

As time progressed the cane became a symbol of prestige and even the Bible mentioned that Eve, a notoriously bad speller, named her eldest son in honor of Adam’s walking stick. She called him Cain.

As yet I have no sense that my cane ever saved me from falling down but I have noticed several other benefits that were never mentioned to me.

The primary one right now seems to be whenever I am approaching a building and need to open the door, there always seems to be someone who wants to hold it open for me. That’s always nice.

And there is also the checkout girl at the store who, noticing my cane, says, “Would you like me to carry those things to your car?” Even though I am quite capable of doing that I always accept. I think it’s a polite thing for me to do.

The cane, no doubt, could be a weapon of self defense. If I am ever happen to be set upon by people intending to do me harm I’m sure just displaying my cane would cause them to have second thoughts. As I recall, Sherlock Holmes did that more than one time. Though, as I recall, he didn’t threaten them. He just beat the stuffing out of them. When this does happen to me I think I will just wave my cane and shout something like, “Sherlock Holmes.” I would hope my attackers were literate enough to have read those stories.

I plan on doing more research on the wonders of the lowly cane, but for now, I just give it the respect it has earned and hope when you see one, you’ll respect it too.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 11, 2011

I AM SURPRISED

2011-04-05T09:53:00.000-07:00

I knew it would happened eventually. They say it always does. As soon as a person has an 88th birthday, which I did a week or so ago, everything starts to go downhill. It's normal, they say, for a person to forget things. It's also predictable that a person starts to do something and forgets what is was.

I had a point here but I seem to have lost it.

Oh, I know.

Oh, no I don't. Well, I did but I forgot.

Oh, I've got it this time. A major and obvious, manifestation of old age is when a person posts the same blog twice. It's really bad if they are consecutive posts as I did in my two previous blogs.

I think I started out to apologize but I'm not sure.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 5, 2011

ALL IN THE GENES

2011-03-27T16:49:00.000-07:00

I saw an article in the newspaper that attracted my attention. The headline was, “Scientists Close To Cracking Key To Longevity.” Since I always thought longevity would be a nice thing to have, I read on.

It seems there are scientists who spend their time studying centenarians, which as you probably knew, are people over 100 years old. I was very interested as that number is on my horizon and since I just passed birthday #88 I will be there fairly soon. So I read on.

Apparently these scientists are examining the DNA of really old people and what they are finding surprised me. At least some of them agree that the primary reason some people get to be that old is simply a matter of genes. They say that the research shows those with the proper genes more or less automatically bypass diabetes, Alzheimer's Disease and many of the other things that tend to appear as one ages.

I suppose it was reading this that caused me to have trouble sleeping that night. It probably was a dream but I thought I had a conversation with my parents.

They started by apologizing. My mother said, “We wanted to congratulate you on getting to be 100 years old but also, we want you to know we are sorry we gave you so much trouble about eating sugar, and fats and carbohydrates. We only wanted you to live a long life and it turns out that didn’t have much to do with it. It was all the genes we passed on.”

My father nodded and said, “Yes.”

"You mean all that cod liver oil didn't do anything?"

"Apparently not. Just genes."

I asked, “What about smoking and drinking? Remember, I quit those in order to live longer.”

“We’re sorry but evidently there was no need to; it’s only the genes.”

My father nodded and said, “Yes.”

“And what about that girl on the next street you wouldn’t let me have anything to do with because she had “questionable morals?”

“It wouldn’t have mattered. Just genes. We really are sorry but we didn’t know.”

My father nodded and said, “Yes.”

I sighed and admitted it probably wouldn’t have made much difference but it might have made the 100 years go by a little faster. I told them, “Doing it your way sure took a long time.”

In unison, my parents said, “But we didn’t know.“ and disappeared.

I woke up and thought about it. At least by giving up smoking and drinking I did save me lots of money. But if that’s actually true, I wonder where the money is.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 27, 2010

IT'S IN THE GENES

2011-03-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

I saw an article in the newspaper that attracted my attention. The headline read, “Scientists Close To Cracking Key To Longevity.” Since I am close to longevity myself, I read on.

It seems there are scientists who spend their time studying centenarians, which as you know, are people over 100 years old. I was interested as that number is on my horizon and I plan on being there fairly soon. So I read on.

Apparently these scientists are examining the DNA of really old people and what they are finding surprised me. At least some of them agree that the primary reason some people get to be that old is simply a matter of genes. They say those with the proper genes kind of automatically bypass diabetes, Alzheimer's Disease and many of the other things that tend to appear as one ages.

I suppose it was reading this that caused me to have trouble sleeping that night. In fact, it probably was a dream but I thought I had a conversation with my parents.

They started by apologizing. My mother said, “We wanted to congratulate you on getting to be 100 years old but also, we want you to know we are sorry we gave you so much trouble about eating sugar, and fats and carbohydrates. We only wanted you to live a long life and it turns out that didn’t have much to do with it. It was all the genes we passed on.”

My father nodded and said, “Yes.”

"You mean that cod liver oil didn't do anything?"

"Apparently not. Just genes."

I asked, “What about smoking and drinking? Remember, I quit those in order to live longer.”

“We’re sorry but apparently it’s genes.”

My father nodded and said, “Yes.”

“And what about that girl on the next street you wouldn’t let me have anything to do with because she had “questionable morals?”

“It wouldn’t have mattered. Just genes. We really are sorry but we didn’t know.”

My father nodded and said, “Yes.”

I sighed and admitted it probably wouldn’t have made much difference but it might have made the 100 years go by faster. I told them, “Doing it your way sure took a long time.”

In unison, my parents said, “But we didn’t know.“ and disappeared.

I woke up and thought about it. I suppose when I gave up smoking and drinking I probably did save a lot of money. But if that was the case, I wondered where it was.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 17, 2011

COINCIDENCES

2011-02-16T11:12:00.000-08:00

My father spent most of his adult life working as a detective with our local police department. I believe some of the techniques he used at work often overflowed into his family life. I recall him once saying, “I don’t believe in coincidences.” I thought of this when I read something in the news recently.

“Polling shows that a majority of likely Republican presidential primary voters are "birthers"-- they believe that President Obama was born in another country.”

Unless things have changed since I studied Statistics, “Majority” means more than fifty percent. This relates to the Bell Curve which I also learned about in my Statistics class. It also comes into play with the term “average.” For example, when considering the intelligence of any particular group, it will be, by definition, that more than fifty percent of them will be below average intelligence.

I only pose the question: Is it a coincidence that the same percentage who are below average intelligence believe that President Obama was born in another country?

As my Dad used to say, “I don’t believe in coincidences.”

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 16, 2011

THE OLD PROFESSOR RETURNS

2011-02-11T16:10:00.000-08:00

It has been a tad more than 2 months since The Old Professor has posted a blog. There really was no good reason for the gap except perhaps a lack of inspiration. In other words, I didn’t feel I had anything worthwhile to say.

However, several of you have taken the time to write to me letting me know that having nothing to say never slowed me down in the past and there’s no reason it should now.

However, this time I did find something worth writing about so here I am about to cry out against a huge injustice which has been brought to my attention.

An interesting iPhone application has recently appeared as explained here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/02/09/confession-iphone-app_n_820840.html

If you check there you will find a report on an application aimed at Catholics preparing for confession. Assistance is given on identifying sins and proper penance for each.

It’s rather interesting in a cute sort of way. However, I wrote a thing I called “Letter to the Pope” in 1985. I suggested the Catholic Church adopt a software program I had created called MicroPOPE. (Papal Optimal Penance Evaluator) and it has been on my web page for many, many years. Luckily I dated it when I wrote it but sadly I did not copyright it.

If you would like to see my 1985 original letter it’s at:

http://www.oldprof.com/Pope.htm

Now the new one is listed as selling for $1.99. If I had carried on with my MicoPOPE program and sold 100,000 of them at $1.99 I would have …

Well, you do the math.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 11, 2011

I DON'T GET IT

2010-12-11T08:50:00.000-08:00

I often read things in the newspaper that don’t seem to make much sense to me. This morning I saw where, in California, there was a plastic surgeon who had been arrested and charged with molestation. It seems some of his female patients accused him of “inappropriate touching.”

I don’t get it. If he wanted to touch some part of a female couldn’t he just make one and take it home to touch it whenever he pleased?

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December 11, 2010

DON'T ASK; DON'T TELL??

2010-12-06T09:49:00.000-08:00

These days in the United States there is much debate going on about a military policy called “Don’t ask; Don’t tell.” This policy dates back to 1993 and was intended to prevent barring homosexuals from military service as long as nobody knew about it. Now there is a movement to repeal this policy and allow homosexuals to serve just as anyone else would.

Of course, this brings all the nut cases out of the woodwork and we listen to constant discussions about the advisability of letting “these people”, who, in the eyes of some, are obviously immoral degenerates, come in contact with our troops. Apparently these people seem to think homosexuality is contagious.

Most of the time I just keep quite an don’t voice an opinion but it has gone so far that I feel I must speak up and you, of course, may disagree with my slant on this.

I can’t even imagine the unmitigated gall of someone who would ask a person to defend his or her country, even die for it, but only if his or her sex life was agreeable to that person.

That person might ask me if having a straight person live and work with a gay person doesn’t frighten me.

My reply would be, “No it doesn’t. People like you frighten me.”

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December 6, 2010

I GET A NEW DEGREE

2010-12-03T11:19:00.000-08:00

I finally have attained something I have always wanted. I am now a “University Graduate”, just like George Bush and other famous university graduates. And it all happened without much effort on my part. Well, actually no effort on my part.

This came about because the undergraduate degree I received back in 1948 was from a very small school in northern Massachusetts called “Fitchburg State Teachers College.” Also, that same year I earned a Master’s Degree in Education from the same school.

As time went by I read that the school had grown and it became known as Massachusetts State College at Fitchburg. Then a few days ago I received an invitation to attend the ceremonies where the school would now officially be the University of Massachusetts at Fitchburg.

So, without even lifting a finger I can now face the world as a “University Graduate” and get all the respect that carries with it. Having a “University degree” is something I’ve always wanted and I will enjoy basking in that for some time.

But first I’m being told I need to put the trash out. Perhaps my new degree doesn’t carry as much prestige as I thought it did. At least not everywhere.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December, 3, 2010

A VERY SHORT STORY

2010-11-13T10:23:00.000-08:00

There is a rather famous short story attributed to Ernest Hemingway where it’s said he wrote a short story that consisted of only six words. He wrote, “For sale, baby shoes, never used.”

I wasn’t able to write a decent one that was as brief but I did come up with a very short story I call, “How Did You Like It?”

In 1968 the United State State Department sent me to Malawi, Africa to help set up a Technical School. I was there for 2 years, 1 day, 4 hours and 7 minutes.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
November 13, 2010

A MOST UNUSUAL DAY

2010-11-12T13:39:00.000-08:00

Most of the time my life is fairly mundane giving me little of interest to report. However, every once in a while I have a day that is so unusual that reporting it becomes a problem in that few will believe it actually happened. But I’ll swear that what I’m about to relate is absolutely, 100 percent, the truth.

As yesterday was progressing I began to sense it was going to be a different day -- a special day. Therefore I was unusually alert for details. But before I knew it the day had passed and I realized a complete twenty-four hours had gone by and nothing unusually exciting had happened.

I didn’t trip or fall down even once.

I didn’t break any bones anywhere on my body.

I didn’t go to the hospital in an ambulance.

A most unusual day!

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
November 12, 2010
 

I LEARN ABOUT SURGE PROTECTION

2010-11-11T11:27:00.000-08:00

The first time I heard about “surge protection” I misheard the question and thought the subject was “urge protection.” I thought it was some kind of adolescent birth control thing.

But it was not that. Surge protection refers to protecting electrical devices from being overloaded by a surge of excessive electricity from the power company.

“Who needs that?” you ask. "This house was built about 35 years ago and we have never had a problem like that."

Until last month.

It was late one Saturday afternoon couple of weeks ago when we heard a load explosion and all the lights went out. We were suddenly without power. Subsequently we were to learn that there had been some kind of problem with one of the Electric Company’s transformers and somehow a billion volts or amps or something went coursing through our house. Almost all of our appliances suffered some kind of burnout and no longer functioned.

After having several different electricians and appliance repair people evaluate the situation it was determined that replacing ALL of these appliances with new ones was less expensive than trying to repair what was left of the old ones.

So, we now have a brand new microwave oven, washing machine, clothes drier, refrigerator, garage door opener, heating thermostat and telephone.

Oddly, my computer was located in a room that had been built as an addition some years ago and luckily was on a different circuit so it was spared any damage.

In addition, a few years ago we bought a large screen TV. (See blog of 11/9/2004) At that time the sales person convinced me that purchasing a rather expensive surge protector for this very expensive new TV set was a good investment. Ever since then I have silently complained about having been taken advantage of by this sales person. But that protection device gave it’s life to save our big screen TV set. Otherwise, a new TV set and digital video recorder would also be on the list of things that needed to be repurchased.

So now we have mostly new appliances and are in the process of gathering the extensive paper work needed to attempt to get the power company to acknowledge their responsibility for the damage and thus for the cost of the replacements.

Meanwhile, there is an electrician at work right now installing a “whole house surge protector.” So, when this happens again 35 years from now we will be protected and be able to keep all of our appliances which will then be 35 years old.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
November 11, 2010

I GET SOME VERY WISE ADVICE

2010-11-10T11:49:00.000-08:00

As I’ve mentioned before I tripped and broke my right hip a couple of months ago. I spent most of the month of June in a rehab facility where I was under the care of a lovely Physical Therapist named Sherry. Even though at the time I felt she was terribly mean spirited because she pushed me hard. However, today, some four months later, my left hip feels 100% and I’m very grateful to Sherry. We have become friends and stay in touch via e-mail since then.

So, not being content with being just plain normal, about a month ago I tripped and fell again. This time it was the knee on the other side that took the brunt of the fall. It turned out the knee cap, AKA, the patella, wasn’t broken but an MRI showed damage inside the knee. The orthopedic surgeon says it will be between 8 and 12 weeks before it fixes itself and I get back to normal.

So, I am back to exercise, pain and frustration. However, I did receive some excellent advice from Sherry, who you remember was my Physical Therapist during the hip adventure. She came up with some fantastic advice and I will follow it to the best of my ability. She wrote, “Stop falling down!!”

I considered this very good advice and, since it came from a medical professional, I plan on following her counsel to the letter.

It also occurs to me that this advice might benefit others too. So, if you know of someone who might profit from this advice feel free to pass it on. I’m sure Sherry won’t mind.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
November 10, 2010

WELL DONE CHILE !!!

2010-10-14T09:08:00.000-07:00

I had just about decided to retire from writing blogs. My life, including my new hip, is going very well and there was no particular reason for my deciding this. It just seemed to me that there wasn’t much interesting going on around me.
That is until yesterday.
On October 13, 2010 the whole world got to observe the rescue of the 33 miners in Chile and, to me, it was a thing of beauty. The rescuers carefully went about saving the miners in exactly the right way and the results certainly were rewarding.
These days the world could use a few more inspirational things like this.
Thank you for sharing with us, Chile.
Well done!

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
October 14, 2010`

THE SPICE OF LIFE

2010-09-13T10:39:00.000-07:00

I recently read some advice offered to computer users who suffer from Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Apparently repeated actions using a mouse can cause various wrist problems and the suggestion was made to get a second mouse and program it to work with the other hand. This way when using the right mouse, for example, causes discomfort, one could just switch to the left mouse.

I have no personal experience with this idea of having two mice but it did make me wonder. If this works for mice would it also work for spice? That is, similar to a mouse user, would having an extra spouse also work the same way. If one had two spice and there was pain associated with one it would then be possible to switch to the other one.

Personally I have been involved with multiple spice, though not thru choice and not at the same time. I firmly believe this experience has contributed to my happiness big time. Perhaps that’s what, “The Spice of Life” really is.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
September 13, 2010

FINISH THE SENTENCE

2010-09-09T10:33:00.000-07:00

In all the years that I have been posting these blogs I can't recall ever using a blog to exercise my State-granted rights as a teacher. However, there's something I hear so often that I feel compelled to put on my teacher's cap and suggest an alternative.

My teaching background was in the Technology area and I have little formal training or understanding of the rules of grammar. I actually would not recognize an adverb if it came up and shook my hand. None the less, even though my mother never graduated from high school, she always had a keen ear for the English language and constantly, but gently, corrected us. Eventually, without knowing the rules, I became accustomed to hearing things said a certain way and anything else sounded very odd.

This was brought to my mind this morning as I listened to some radio commentator commenting on clothing styles in France. This person said, “The French really do it better than us.”

The way my mother always corrected us was to make us finish the sentence. In this case, the speaker obviously meant, “The French really do it better than us do.” This, of course, sounds ridiculous. By adding the single word “do” we get the true meaning and it becomes obvious that using “us” sounds ignorant.

So why doesn't everyone play the game of “Finish the Sentence”? The missing word is always implied and even little children are then able to know if the word should be “us” or “we” or "I" or "me".

If everyone would just remember to “finish the sentence”, even if it's only in one's mind, we could save a lot of cringing of the type one does when fingernails scratch the chalkboard.

The other one that was a favorite of my mother's was when I would say, “Billy and me are going to the playground.”

My mother would gently say, “If Billy can't go, is me going alone?” Of course, it then became obvious that I should have said, “I” instead of “me.” And this soon became a habit without my ever knowing what modified what. It's not that hard.

Exceptions might be if a person deliberately wants to sound ignorant. Apparently there are a lot of those people around but how they managed to to become employed as professional announcers and scriptwriters is a mystery to me.

The Old Professor
Carmel, California
September 9, 2010

LABOR DAY

2010-09-06T10:40:00.000-07:00

I finally managed to look up and see that it’s been almost a month since I posted my previous blog. There is only one reason for that time gap. There has been nothing blogable happening in my life. I suppose that ordinarily that might be construed as a good thing. However, in the US today is a holiday.

The first Monday in September is designated as Labor Day, which is rather a strange name because it actually became a holiday so that people who labor, don’t need to do so on this day. It would suggest that No Labor Day would be a better description.

As it is,, it already cheats a good section of the population -- the retired people. I’ll admit that when I retired the only thing I missed were the holidays when I didn’t need to go to work. I always used to look forward to those days and now I never even have one. It hardly seems fair.

But to all of you who do labor (or labour) and have no need to do so today, don’t let my viewpoint spoil your day.

Have a good one.

The Old Professor
Carmel, California
September 6, 2010

PLANS FOR WHEN THE EARTH DIES?

2010-08-14T07:59:00.000-07:00

The other day I was watching a television program which described how scientists think the earth was originally formed. It also explained how our planet has a limited life span and eventually will end up being unable to support any life forms much like Mars is said to be today. Before anyone panics, some say this is supposed to happen about 2.3 billion years from now. It is assumed that by then technology will have developed enough so that somehow we will all be able to move to a different planet before “Last Call” and the lights go out forever.

That may work out for most people but I am very certain I won’t be one of the ones moving. First, it will be a very, very long trip inasmuch as our nearest planet is Venus and distance between Earth and Venus varies but the minimum is about 25.5 million miles. That’s much more than any Frequent Flyer Miles plan would cover and, in addition, it would take a very long time and I would rather stay right here and perish with our planet than spend that amount of time with that kid kicking the back of my seat.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
August 14, 2010

TIGER WOODS AND ME

2010-08-09T14:02:00.000-07:00

Even if you know nothing about golf you probably have heard of Tiger Woods. Up until recently he was generally conceded to be the best golfer in the world. But then he ran into some problems. It became public knowledge that he had been involved with several rather sordid sexual adventures outside of his marriage. Eventually this led to a divorce and Tiger Woods went into a clinic for the treatment of Sexual Addiction.

After several weeks he returned to the professional golf tour and has been anything but successful. Last week he was in a tournament and finished next to last place. He placed 79th in a field of 80 players. He played in the much same manner that I used to play when I played golf. He couldn't seem to hit the ball straight. If there was some kind of trouble he seemed to find it and when he finally did get the ball on the green he had trouble making it go in the hole.

That's exactly the way I used to play golf before I finally gave up and conceded it just wasn't my game. Any alternative reason for my poor performance never occurred to me. Now I'm beginning to wonder if it wasn't somehow related to the fact that I never was a “sexual addict” though that might have been fun.

It's possible.

The Old Professor
Carmel,CA
August 9, 2010

TOO MUCH SPARE TIME?

2010-08-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

Each morning I read our local newspaper. I find it very interesting to read the Letters to the Editor. I also enjoy, though that may not be the right word, reading the Obituaries or Death Notices. I suppose the reason I check these every morning is that I am pleased when I find my name not there.

Lately an interesting discussion has been raging in the Letters to the Editor section. One man started by strenuously objecting to the obituaries describing a person as having “passed away.” His contention was that people die and they are, therefore, "dead." As he says, “They haven't “passed away” or “gone to their maker” or any other way of describing it. He stresses they are dead and that's all, period.

In spite of the fact that this seems a rather innocuous subject, the debate has raged on for several days. Personally, I see this as an activity for people who have too much time on their hands.

But, in all honesty, I suppose that's what I'm doing right now.

The Old Professor
Carmel. CA
August 8, 2010

OLD TV SHOWS

2010-07-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

As I get older it seems to me that I keep running across things that remind me that being older means I have experienced some things that people who are younger have not. This was recently brought home to me when I ordered a few DVDs that were recordings of older television programs. One order was a collection of, “Best of TV Detectives.” Here I received 150 programs and many of them were programs I used to watch regularly. When they arrived I was delighted and proceeded to watch a few of my favorites. Then it dawned on me. These were OLD programs and considerable different than what we see every day these days.

I started by looking at a series I used to enjoy called “Mr. and Mrs. North”. I recalled that I used to watch this program in the early 1950s and I enjoyed it. But I forgot the changes that have evolved since then.

In 1949 I bought my first television set and I bought the big one. I was cautioned that trying to watch the 7 inch screen would ruin my eyes so I bought the 10 inch size. Of course, it was only black and white and a grainy black and white at that. So the first thing that surprised me was how poor the picture quality was when viewed on my 56 inch, High Definition Color screen.

In addition, it was only half an hour long. In fact, less than that because there were the titles, credits and a couple of commercial announcements. So maybe it was 25 minutes to develop a setting, let the plot unfold, supply the clues and let the detective solve the case. Eventually that type of program expanded to an hour and these days it takes 2 hours to accomplish essentially the same thing.

There was another thing I noticed. I especially noted this when watching James Garner in his old TV series called, “The Rockford Files.” He made 122 of these in the mid 1970s. One of the things I noticed was all the automobiles were so huge then. The sporty car that Rockford drove had a front hood that was longer than my Prius. I looked as though it would house the engine of an ocean liner.

I also was startled by the price of gasoline when some scenes show cars driving past a gas station and the sign advertised 25 cents a gallon. Today our price is thirteen times higher than that. No wonder I drive a small car.

My only point here, if there was one at all, is that technology sneaks up on us and we accept it as normal. Today when I watch a television program I accept the fact that I see a large, sharp picture in realistic colors. I forget that in 1949 we used to huddle around that little TV set watching mediocre shows that we thought were marvelous.

I’m sure that same thing applies to other fields as well and we accept these without thinking too. Maybe we should think about it more and complain about it less.

The Old Professor

Carmel, CA

July 26, 2010

CHANGE OF PLANS

2010-07-22T10:25:00.000-07:00

I made a rather startling discovery today and it has already had a major influence on my Life Plans. Since I made it into the “Over 80” age group I’ve considered myself very fortunate especially since many (most) of my friends and relatives never made it this far. And, additionally, since I am usually feeling well I saw no reason why I shouldn’t go for 90. However, after this new discovery I am amending my plans. I now have a new goal.

This morning I ran across the Mortality Charts issued by some department of the United States Government. I notice the age with smallest percentage of the population dying is the “Over 100” group.

To me the conclusion is obvious. Since I am now 87 years old I’m going to go for it! It’s a fairly short jump to 100. In fact, I can see 100 from my back porch.

The Old Professor

Carmel, CA

July 22, 2010

I RECALL 1943

2010-07-21T13:49:00.000-07:00

Since blogging the details of breaking my hip several interesting things have developed. One is my having genuine flashbacks. It seems that repairing a broken hip involves much physical therapy to get ALL the muscles back to working the way they did prior to the break. The physical therapy that I am undergoing often takes me back to 1943 when I went into the US Navy to be trained as an airplane pilot. Even after all these years it is still so very clear in my mind.

The very first thing the Navy felt it needed to do was take a bunch of young, out of shape men and get them into top physical condition as quickly as possible. There was no easy way to do this. The only way was exercise, exercise, exercise. We exercised every muscle in the body including muscles we didn’t even realize we had until they all began to ache. We used to say our hair even ached.

But the aches continued. It was joked that it was easy to spot the newcomers because they all limped and held onto railings when going up stairs. But a strange thing happened. After a period of time the aches went away and the newly found muscle strength was taken for granted.

The same thing happens when one is 87 years old except it takes longer. It’s probably close to impossible to ever get 87 year old muscles to perform as 20 year old muscles but it is possible make them stronger and more flexible. The catch is that it isn’t easy. It takes time and it takes persistence to continue to do things that are very uncomfortable. The body almost literally screams to stop but to get the results it’s important to push on through that.

That’s where I am now. It’s been about 7 weeks and I wish I were back to normal but I am not. I still feel I need to use a cane, partly for safety reasons (not falling again) and partly to ease the moderate pain I experience when walking. I know I won’t live long enough to get back to the condition I was in 67 years ago but luckily, I don’t need to. But I am going to push through the discomfort and the actual pain until I at least get back to where I was. Hopefully I will even get better than that.

The reason I am blogging this is that I have received a few comments and e-mails where individuals wished they could change their own or some loved one’s physical situation. Well, I know for sure it’s possible to improve -- I’ve been doing that. How far I can go is still a question but at least I know that if I continue to work hard I can certainly get to be better than I am now. Anybody who wants to can.

And that can’t be a bad thing.

The Old Professor

Carmel, CA

July 21, 2010

PROGRESS, I GUESS

2010-07-20T11:13:00.000-07:00

It was May 26, 2010 that a parking bumper jumped up and tripped me causing me to fall and break my right hip. After that was surgically repaired I left the hospital 4 days later and checked into a very nice live-in, rehab facility. 27 days after the fall I was home and for a few days I needed a 4-legged walker to get around, however I soon graduated to only using a cane.

While I was in rehab I had a lovely Physical Therapist named Sherry who prodded me through the various stages. At first I needed a wheel chair but soon she forced me to use a walker and eventually I only needed a cane for assistance. I recall Sherry telling me that someday I was going to get up, walk to another room and remember I had forgotten my cane. As improbable as that seemed at the time, similar things did eventually happen. In fact, I am often heard asking, “Where did I leave my cane?” But this morning I topped that.

I’m almost always awake very early and I like to get up and get going. My partner likes to sleep as late as she possibly can. So I have developed a little morning routine. I usually gather up the clothes I plan to wear, pick up my cane and make my way to the bathroom where I can get dressed without disturbing her. I did that again this morning with one major difference. When I arrived in the bathroom I discovered that I had been carrying my cane as though it might be a baby unable to walk. Not only did I forget that I needed the cane to help my walking, I carried it as unnecessary baggage.

I am pleased because it's only been 55 days ago since the event. Notice I do not refer to it as “the accident” because, to this day, I am positive that concrete bumper attacked me to avenge some act, it imagined I was a party to, which condemns it to a life of just lying there in the parking lot all day. A sad fate I’ll admit but it’s not my fault.

The OldProfessor

Carmel, CA

July 20, 2010

PUBLIC SERVICE WARNING

2010-07-11T15:50:00.000-07:00

This poster is now being seen all over California, USA.

***** WANTED *****

Parking Bumper

AKA:

"Cement thing to stop car"

"The Trip Over thingee"

This bumper, often seen lurking in parking lots, is to be considered extremely dangerous.

Its modus operandi is to lurk quietly and suddenly appear under the foot of its victim causing the victim to fall and sometimes break one or more bones ordinarily essential for walking.

Has been recently seen in Central California. If seen authorities advise staying as far away as possible and do not, under any circumstances, aggravate it as it will attack.

This warning offered as a public service by:

Parking Bumper Awareness Association.

and:

The Old Professor

Carmel, CA

July 11, 2010

IT'S IN THE GENES

2010-07-08T11:28:00.000-07:00

I saw an article in the newspaper that attracted my attention. The headline read, “Scientists Close To Cracking Key To Longevity.” Since I am close to longevity myself I read on.

It seems there are scientists who spend their time studying centenarians, which as you know, are people over 100 years old. I was interested as that number is on my horizon and I plan on being there fairly soon. So I read on.

Apparently these scientists are examining the DNA of really old people and what they are finding surprised me. At least some of them agree that the primary reason some people get to be that old is simply a matter of genes. They say those with the proper genes kind of automatically bypass diabetes, Alzheimer's Disease and many of the other things that tend to appear in middle age.

I suppose it was reading this that caused me to have trouble sleeping that night. In fact, it probably was a dream but I thought I had a conversation with my parents.

They started by apologizing. My mother said, “We wanted to congratulate you on getting to be 100 years old but also we want you to know we are sorry we gave you so much trouble about eating sugar, and fats and carbohydrates. We only wanted you to live a long life and it turns out that didn’t have much to do with it. It was all the genes we passed on.”

My father said, “Yes.”

"You mean that cod liver oil didn't do anything?"

"Apparently not. Just genes."

I asked, “What about smoking and drinking? Remember, I quit those in order to live longer.”

“We’re sorry but apparently it’s genes.”

“And what about that girl on the next street you wouldn’t let me have anything to do with because she had “questionable morals?”

“Wouldn’t have mattered. Just genes. We really are sorry but we didn’t know.”

I sighed and admitted it probably wouldn’t have made much difference but it might have made the 100 years go by faster. I told them, “Doing it our way sure took a long time.”

In unison, my parents said, “But we didn’t know.“ and disappeared.

I woke up and thought about it. I suppose when I quit smoking and drinking I probably saved a lot of money but if that was the case, I wondered where it was.

The OldProfessor

Carmel, CA

July 8, 2010

THE HUMAN BODY

2010-06-30T11:05:00.000-07:00

I’ve read that there are more than 200 different bones in the human body and they work together using what seems to me a very complex system of levers, cables, hinges, pulleys and various other devices. At first glance it would seem amazing if it worked at all.

I wonder how many models were tested and failed before one worked successfully. I’ve read the Wright Brothers failed over and over before they made a machine that actually flew. It now seems fairly simple to make something fly and compared to making the human body work, flying would seem to be child’s play. Yet there seems to be little information available about how many failures the designer had before a human body was made to work in an acceptable fashion.

All in all, most human bodies seem to work fairly well though I question the designers choice of material for the framework. Perhaps at that time some sort of calcified mineral was the only material available to use for bones. Probably things like titanium hadn’t been discovered yet. That’s too bad because a human body with a skeleton made of titanium bones would be both light weight and strong so if a body happened to trip over something in a parking lot there would probably be no harm done at all.

Still, all in all, I tip my hat to the designer. After all, how many other things do we know where the original design is still being produced using the original equipment and methods?

The OldProfessor

Carmel, CA

June 30, 2010

MEMORIES OF MY VACATION

2010-06-27T11:48:00.001-07:00

Many people take pictures of their adventures in order to be able to recall pleasant memories. Well, my memories aren't all that pleasant but I do have an image to refresh my memory of my recent hip adventure. (If you don't know what that means please see previous blog.)

Below is the x-ray showing the hunk of stainless steel that was inserted into my right leg. As I understand it, the surgeon cut off the end of the existing (and broken) hip bone and replaced it with this steel device. This picture was taken as I was on my back and the repair job was to my right hip but as you see it, it's on the left. The white color is the stainless steel.

I questioned the surgeon as to how they aligned it accurately and he told me they have jigs that take care of the alignment and so forth. He also told me another interesting thing. The steel insert is porous so as the bone grows it becomes part of the insert.

So, this is my memory of my vacation and even though it may not be for everyone, I'm happy to share it with you.

The OldProfessor

Carmel, CA

June 27, 2010

THAT WAS FUN -- NOT!!

2010-06-24T14:10:00.000-07:00

It seems like eons ago but on May 26th I tripped over something in a store parking lot and broke my right hip. Surgery followed the next day after which I moved into a Rehab House and spent almost 4 weeks there relearning to stand up, walk and other exotic things of that ilk.

On June 22, just four days short of a month, I arrived back home using a 4-wheel walker to get around. With a bunch of determination and a whole lot of pain I am now walking relying heavily on a cane. Walking normally and without pain seems a long way down the road but I am promised it is on the horizon if I work at it, which I will certainly do. I don't want to spend the second half of my life limping around.

Several of you have written sort of suggesting that I was missed and that feels good. Though I am a long way from being 100%, I am working at it and soon will be back at this place with my usual opinionated -- whatever.

Though it is difficult, I do see one bight side to this. I now have a bunch of new adventures to share with you. Hopefully some of them may discourage someone from trying to emulate the swan dive I took.

So, as another old timer once said, "I shall return." To which I add, "And soon." Thanks for waiting.

The Old Professor

Carmel, CA

June 24, 2010

OUR NEW CAR, KIND OF

2010-05-17T10:10:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago we bought a new automobile. Well, it’s like a real automobile only smaller. It’s a Prius, manufactured by Toyota.

We found this car to have all kinds of extra things available and, partly because I am addicted to gadgets, we bought most of them at added cost.

So now when I get in my car it automatically detects my cell phone and connects to it. If I get a call while I’m driving, it answers for me and I merely talk to whoever called.

I also can talk to the car as I might do using the navigation system. I can suggest an address to go to and the navigation system guides me there by telling me where and when to turn. It even has a kind voice when I make a mistake. I hear sometimes hear a kindly lady say, “Continue straight one quarter of a mile where you are able to make a legal U-turn.”

I can also speak back and say something like, “Take me home.” and she will guide me safely there.

When we were offered a satellite radio channel of course we needed it. We are told this will allow me to drive across the country and never lose my radio signal. That’s impressive even though I rarely drive more than 35 miles and never have lost my radio signal. But if I do decided to take off one day, I’ll be able to listen to the same station day after day after day. Oh joy!

Then there is the backup camera which shows up on a screen whenever I start to go in reverse. This is quite handy in seeing what I am going to run over in case I might want to stop.

There was one option we decided to pass on. We could have had leather covered seats but decided we had no real use for them and did not order that option. For this, I feel the salesman acted irresponsibly. Probably legally so. When we were discussing this option he never once mentioned that spilling some kind of chocolate drink on the front seat would leave a stain that apparently will remain there for life, while leather upholstery would have made it a simple job to clean up. He never said anything like that. I had to discover that myself.

I may sue that salesman for something. I haven’t decided what yet.

The OldProfessor

Carmel, CA

May 17, 2010

CONVERGANCE

2010-05-10T13:22:00.000-07:00

It’s seems strange to me how often I seem to have the word “converge” apply to something in my life. I mean "converge" where it means, “To come together from different directions so as to eventually meet.” It happened again yesterday, Mother’s Day.

Though my mother has long ago gone on to her reward I still often think fondly of her in spite of some of her very odd idiosyncrasies. Whenever I think of some of the odd, as in different, things about her I recall the time I called her to let her know I had remarried after a disastrous first attempt at marriage.

My mother and I lived 3,000 miles apart so she had never met, or even heard of, the lady I had just recently married. So, soon after we returned from our honeymoon I picked up the phone and called my mother.

“Hi, Mom. I have some great news. You now have a brand new daughter in law.”
There was a rather lengthy silence.
Then my mother casually asked, “What color is she?”

I was so startled I didn’t know what to say and it was many years later I learned the root of her question. It seemed that she still remembered a day when I was about 19 years old and came home from seeing a movie. I told my mother I had seen Lena Horne and further said something like -- well, not something like -- exactly, “She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I would marry her if she were purple.”

Thirty years later my mother remembered that and I suppose she worried that I might actually marry a purple lady.

I thought of that story again yesterday, Mother’s Day. That evening I heard that Lena Horne had died at the age of 92.

Convergence again.

Rest in Peace, Lovely Lady

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 10, 2010

OIL IN THE GULF OF MEXICO

2010-05-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

So here we have yet another problem and no one seems to have an answer. Currently there are several million gallons of oil floating around in the Gulf of Mexico and the prospects of doing anything about it grow more dim daily.

Some have suggested sweeping it up and taking it some other place until a solution can be found. Other have suggested burning it which seems like a massive undertaking to say nothing about the damage to our atmosphere.

Various groups are building all sorts of devices to at least keep the oil at sea where, presumably it can’t do as much harm and maybe, just maybe, it might disappear someday. Good luck with that.

I think I have a solution and, as usual, I wonder why someone didn’t think of it. Of course, everyone doesn’t have my background of experiences which enables me to solve a variety of problems. This particular experience goes back to when I was in college in the mid 1940s. I bought my first car and I’ll never forget it. It was a 1937 Buick.
This was a great car and also had some unusual capabilities. For one thing it had an insatiable appetite for oil. It seems to me that I used to put almost as much oil in this car as gasoline. Yet it never seemed to leak any that was visible and it didn’t leave big clouds of exhaust smoke. It just quietly consumed oil at a prestigious rate.

Now almost anyone should be able to see how this could solve the current crisis. If it were possible to obtain about half a dozen of these old Buicks, they could make that 50 million gallon oil spill disappear in matter of weeks, or months at the very most.

I’m not sure what I ~~might~~ will say if when I get called to Washington to testify about how I managed to cleanup the Gulf catastrophe so quickly.

I’ll probably just say, “You’re welcome.”

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 5, 2010

AN ADDENDUM TO YESTERDAY'S BLOG

2010-05-01T15:55:00.000-07:00

Today I was thinking about the blog I posted yesterday regarding words that were hidden in order to shield them from children’s eyes and ears and also to maintain the level of morality we have today. I left out one important method of doing this. That is the famous “expletive deleted” which is a great improvement over using the first and last letters and allows the reader to use his or her imagination to fill in the missing letters.

If that famous line from the 1939 movie, Gone with the Wind where Clark Gable as Rhett Butler said to Vivien Leigh as Scarlett O’Hara was, “Frankly Scarlett, I don’t give a d--n.” the reader would be severely limited in trying to decipher what Rhett actually said. It might have been, “I don’t give a dawn.” or maybe “I don’t give a Dean.” In other words, one is considerably hampered in finding a word when limited to 4-letter words that begin with “d” and end with “n”.

If, on the other hand, one were to read, “Frankly Scarlet, I don’t give a (expletive deleted)” the field would be wide open. The dictionary says an expletive is a “curse or swear word” and everyone concedes the English language is very adequately supplied with those.

And those with more sensitive souls could substitute any word they found more appealing. Some might even come up with something that would make the line equally memorable. It certainly would be different if Rhett had said, “Frankly Scarlett, I don’t give a farthing’s worth of penny candy.” I think they talked that way in those days and, if so, it would be a much different line that is quoted. today.

As if I would give a farthing’s worth of penny candy.

The Old Professor

Carmel, CA

May 1, 2010

I WONDER AGAIN

2010-04-30T21:16:00.000-07:00

I happen to live in a situation where everyone here does not have English as an only language. We find it helps if, when we are watching television, we have the closed caption feature turned on as well as the audio. This feature is where the words scroll across the screen as they are being spoken. It’s primarily for people with hearing problems but we have discovered it helps our situation too.

Sometimes we see things that are missing in an audio only session. A good example was the recent US Senate hearing that pitted some Senators against the Goldman Sachs executives who were being investigated for a huge stock scandal. If you read about it in the newspaper you saw that a Senator asked, “Why did you sell securities that your own company called shitty?”

Now most people listening heard a Senator ask, “Why did you sell securities that your own company called bleep?” However, people who had the Closed Caption saw, “Why did you sell securities that your own company called s- - - -y?”

Now, what is that all about? Is there anyone older than 6 years old who doesn’t at least suspect what “shitty” means? Most people don’t use it but why is it “coded”? It must be to protect young ears from hearing it, as though that answers the problem.

The answer really is in having a child ask, "What does shitty mean, Daddy?" and having Daddy (or Mommy) explain it and add that it was a word that most people don't use because it makes the user sound ignorant. That's probably better than learning from friends that it's a giggle word you don't ever use in front of your parents.

But what do I know? In fact, if truth were to be told, I really don’t give a d- -n.

The Old Professor

Carmel, CA

April 30, 2010

I REALLY HEARD THIS

2010-04-25T13:45:00.000-07:00

For the past couple of years I’ve been posting little tidbits here that I thought might interest someone. For the past few days I haven’t seen or heard anything I thought worthy of putting here for you to read. That is, until yesterday. Then I saw something on TV that startled me but I’m not sure it should appear here under my name inasmuch as it involves a couple of subjects that many people have strong feelings about.

I might as well say it, it involves God and homosexuality and I realize it might lose me a friend or two but here I go anyway.

I was half watching a television program. In the US there is an old commentator named Larry King. He interviews various people about almost any subject and he’s been doing it for years. The other evening I heard him interview two people and I don’t recall their names and that’s probably a good thing.

One was a lady who they said was a Country Western singer and, not surprisingly, I never heard of her. The other was the Parson of a church that I never heard of either. The young lady had just announced she was a lesbian. I couldn’t see why this was anything anyone should care much about but it did upset the Parson considerably because it went against God’s laws as clearly spelled out in his Bible.

Larry King, who is good at keeping the conversation from dragging, asked the Parson if it wasn’t true that the Bible prohibits Jews from eating shellfish.

The Parson allowed as how this was true but that later in the Bible it is allowed.

“How come?” asked Larry.

The Parson replied, and these were his exact words, “God changed his mind.”

I actually shouted out loud, “What?”

I still can’t believe it. Whatever happened to infallibility and stuff like that?

As I thought about it I felt better. If it is indeed possible that God can change his mind I hope He gets around to some of the indiscretions of my youth that apparently have me on the road to fire and brimstone. I could use a decision reversal or two.

The Old Professor

Carmel, CA

April 25, 2010

I HAVE AN EXCUSE

2010-04-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

I suppose someone, somewhere is wondering what happened to the Old Professor for the last few days. At least I hope so.

I have a confession to make. Even at my advanced age I've been having an affair.

It all started innocently enough. I was at a local shopping center when I first saw her. I thought she was beautiful but it didn't dawn on me that it would go any farther than my thinking that.

But I was wrong.

I found myself going to sleep thinking about her beauty and waking up still absorbed with her. I probably should have quit then or perhaps sought help but instead I decided to go back and see if she was still there. She was and I took the first steps towards getting better aquatinted and, much to my surprise I realized the more time I spent with her, the more I was in love with her. Finally there was no way to do anything other than to take her home.

Click here for as a recent picture.

http://www.apple.com/imac/specs.html

Don't you agree she is beautiful. A full 27 inch, measured diagonally, iMac computer! However, as it is with most new lovers, it takes much time to get acquainted. I need to learn her ways and many of them are much different from "the way I was brought up." However, much like any relationship, it's the challenge that makes it all worthwhile.

Eventually, all will run smooth I'm sure. Then I will be able to more adequately keep up with important things, like blogging.

The Old Professor

Carmel, CA

April 18, 2010

I HAVE A RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE

2010-04-09T17:42:00.000-07:00

I've never been much of a believer when it came to miracles of the biblical type. That is, until today. This morning I believe I experienced a genuine religious experience.

It happened, as I understand it often does, in a very unusual place. I was in a grocery store doing some ordinary shopping. As I was pushing my shopping cart around I heard a voice. It seemed to be coming from above. It was a loud and booming voice and apparently I was the only one who heard it. At least, I looked around and nobody else seemed to be expressing any surprise so I assume I was the only one hearing this voice. But I clearly recall this strong male voice that certainly grabbed my attention even though he didn't actually call me by name. I must admit I have no idea if it was the real God speaking or someone He had appointed to deliver the message to me.

I could definitely hear this thunderous voice say, "On Aisle Three, Cascade Automatic Dishwashing Detergent is on sale for today only. Buy one and get the second one for half price." Again, I looked around and apparently no one else heard this message because as I immediately headed for Aisle Three, I noticed no one else did. When I arrived there I found that, sure enough, Cascade Automatic Dishwashing Detergent was on sale. So, of course I bought it. Actually I bought two -- the second one was at half price.

On the way home I wondered, and I still wonder, why I was chosen to receive this message especially since we don't own a dishwasher. I half expected -- no, I fully expected to arrive home and find an automatic dishwasher all hooked up and ready to go accept for the detergent. Such was not the case -- at least not yet. Maybe that comes later. They say He moves in mysterious ways.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 09, 2010

I GO BACK TO SCHOOL

2010-04-08T18:04:00.000-07:00

The other day I discovered something that I didn't realize even existed. There is a computer program called iTunes. This connects to a site where music can be purchased and downloaded. In addition, I discovered there is a place called iTuneU. That's where the letter "U." stands for "University."

I went online and visited there to see what was going on and was amazed to find out there are, literally, thousands of things available that can be downloaded for free. There's a whole bunch of classical music and there are many, many educational courses. One that caught my eye was, "How to Create Apps for iPhone." In as much as I have recently acquired an iPhone and am currently using many of the apps (applications) that are available for free, I decided to take advantage of this course which was being offered by Stanford University.

It took me about three hours to download all of the lectures in the slides that went with them.

Then I started take the course and fired up Lesson One. It turns out that I was watching a video recording of an actual class, with the actual professor, in front of an actual chalkboard. Though it seemed strange to me that the professor appeared to be about 12 years old, I decided to go ahead anyway. I then discovered there was a prerequisite to this course called "Object Oriented Programming" or something like that. My not having this prerequisite didn't bother me. After all, here I was "taking" a course with a bunch of college kids. Certainly my maturity and vast experience would enable me to not only keep up with the class but probably forge ahead.

So, I listened attentively to this young boy who was pretending to be a professor. He provided various information regarding office hours, due dates for assignments, grading and things like that. So far, no problem at all. Just as I thought. I can do this easily.

Then he started describing what I think was the content of the course. When I say, "I think" it's because from that point on I didn't even understand one word. Oh, there were a few words such as, "the" or I think I heard an "also" in there but I'm not sure. After a few minutes of talking gibberish he did say, "Are there any questions?"

Mentally I said, "Are you kidding?" That's a question!

I withdrew from the class which involved pressing the Delete Key a few times and wondered what happened to education since I left over 30 years ago. Things sure have have deteriorated. When I was the one in front of the class we put out good information that was understandable. Education sure has changed.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 08, 2010

I DREAM THEREFORE I AM ......

2010-04-05T08:08:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamt I met and chatted with a movie star. Now, it’s my understanding that whatever I dream comes from within my mind and not from any outside source and that’s the part that puzzles me. I guess I could dream of meeting any of the glamor queens of my era such as
Ava Gardner

Or,

Rita Hayworth

Or, in my dream I could probably even marry
Elizabeth Taylor

If I’d be willing to wait in line.

So, why would I dream about Abe Vigoda?

I remember that I enjoyed seeing Mr. Vigoda as the detective called, "Fish" on the Barney Miller TV series in the late 70s. He also had a prominent role in the movie, “The Godfather”.

Though, in my dream, I had an interesting conversation with him I wonder why my psyche chose him instead of the other choices I mentioned. I wonder if it’s something I should be concerned about and perhaps seek professional help.

It’s probably just an age thing.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 05, 2010

I SAVE THE GOVERNMENT MONEY

2010-03-30T11:48:00.000-07:00

It’s a rare time when I get a chance to actually give some good advice to the US Government, or anyone else for that matter. The news today reminds us that a short time back The US Government bailed out several financial institutions that were having trouble. They actually took majority ownership of some financial institutions. Citigroup, Inc. was one of these and they received about 25 billion US dollars and today the government announced it was planning to sell back the 7.7 billion shares of Citigroup, Inc..

Here’s where my suggestion can save much money. Most stock brokers buy and sell stock at a price. This price is often a percentage of the transaction. However, there are exceptions and they are widely advertised on television. There are stock brokers that operate through the internet and they charge less than $10 for each transaction, irrespective of the number of shares or the amount of money.

So all the Treasury Department has to do is go online, create an account. A credit card is necessary but they probably receive offers for those in the mail every day. I know I do. The next step would be to transfer the 7.7 billion shares to that account. That would result in the first fee of $10. The next thing would be to put all 7.7 billion shares up for sale and that would be another $10. A total of $20 and that probably could be negotiated down to much less than that.

There’s really no need to thank me. It’s my civic duty.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 30, 2010

THANK YOU, THANK YOU

2010-03-27T07:52:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the ~~thousands~~ ~~hundreds~~ many friends who wished us well on our birthday. It warms the cockles of my heart even though I have no idea what “cockles” actually are. (I think I’m beginning to talk like Groucho Marx.)

Who’s “Groucho Marx?” Use Google to look it up and while you’re there, look up “cockles” and you’ll find that no one else seems to know what the word “cockles”, as it's used in that expression, actually means either.

Thanks again and, by the way, don’t let anyone kid you. Being 87 isn’t all that bad especially when one considers the alternatives for people born in 1923.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 27, 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US

2010-03-26T09:38:00.000-07:00

Some may recall that I have a domestic partner, Jen-Chi. Our relationship goes back almost 10 years now. Coincidentally, we have the same birthday accept she is a year older and thus wiser than I.

Perhaps you noticed a slight change in the introductory message above. Today we have arrived at 87 and 88 years of age.

It makes one almost believe in miracles. Scratch "almost."

Happy birthday to us!!

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 26, 2010

PS It also seemed fitting that I should update my photo to one that was taken this month.

PACIFIC

2010-03-21T12:28:00.000-07:00

In 2001 the television production comany called Home Box Office (HBO ) had Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks produced the highly acclaimed TV series called “Band of Brothers” which chronicled much of World War II in Europe. Now they have produced a similar project that attempts to do the same thing for the part of World War II that took place in the Pacific area. It is aptly called “Pacific” and is currently being aired in ten, one-hour segments. I saw Episode 1 which involved the Marines landing at Guadalcanal in 1942. If the rest are as good, it will be a sensational series.

However, as realistic as it appears, I have one little criticism. I watched a short movie called “The Making of Pacific” where the difficulties of filming this series were shown. In an effort to ensure realism Spielberg and Hanks supposedly called on some Veterans who allegedly were actually there in 1942. This is where I saw something that didn’t seem right. Every one of these, supposed, veterans of that campaign were old guys. They looked old, they walked old and, I assume they did everything else old men do or do not do. Using these old men as reference was silly. Though I never was in the Pacific area, I was in the military at that time and I don’t remember ever seeing any men who looked like that. Maybe they were all Generals or something like that.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 21, 2010

AN UNSOLICITED OPINION

2010-03-20T14:06:00.000-07:00

There are many subjects I know practically nothing about. However, in the finest American tradition, that does not stop me, or even slow me down, from making judgments and dispensing advice. The following comment concerns one of those subjects.

We are led to believe that the famous golfer, Tiger Woods, is now returning to playing golf after spending some amount of time at a rehabilitation center where he was being treated for sexual addiction. What is that "sexual addiction" nonsense? After many, many years of rather close-up observation I've been able to conclude that all males, regardless of species, are sexual addicts. Nature has installed this in the male in order to perpetuate the species.

At one time I had a pet dog that, prior to being neutered, was definitely sexually addicted. He apparently felt it was his genetic obligation to perpetuate his breed by mating with anything he could find. He even was attempting to establish a new breed which would have been half Labrador Retriever and half Sofa.

Finally, he went through this mating ritual in the presence of a Ladies Bridge Club meeting. Then something most males learned in childhood was explained to him. This behavior was social unacceptable. This learning experience was further reinforced using a visual aid in the form of a rolled up newspaper. Repeating this lesson a couple of times seemed to cure his sexual addiction.

Of course, I'm not contending that the same treatment would work for Tiger Woods. Using the newspaper would be silly. Perhaps a 9-iron might work.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 20, 2010

HOW I SLEEP WELL

2010-03-16T13:21:00.000-07:00

Every once in awhile I drop in on Laura’s blog spot to see how she’s doing. She always has something interesting to say and is gifted in the way she says it. I don’t know exactly where or when I read her explanation her sleeping problem. As I recall she says that when she wakes up in the middle of the night she has trouble going back to sleep because her mind is zipping from one thing to another.

I know exactly how she feels because I used to do the same thing until I discovered my secret. Formerly I would be there in bed, quite comfortable, but at the same time my mind would be racing from one thing to another. “When I get up I need to be sure to do whatever it is I need to be sure to do. Perhaps I’ll do that tax thing and mustn’t forget to put in the deduction for the whatever.” My thoughts are generally pleasant but, not being able to find the switch to turn them off, would often have me lying in bed for several hours with this bit of nonsense. While this was not an unpleasant thing the missing sleep time would usually catch up with me in the middle of the afternoon.

But then I discovered the secret. At least for me it was a discovery. I now keep a small radio next to my bed. I listen to this radio using a head set (ear phones) so as to not disturb whoever happens to be in bed with me at that particular time. But I don’t listen to just any old thing. If I did that I might accidentally run across some political opinion pusher who disagrees with my own ideas and I’d be awake all night and not pleasantly awake either. So, I keep this radio tuned to one station. As far as I’m concerned, a one-station radio would suit me fine. I keep it tuned to a local Public Broadcasting Station and this one happens to carry programming from the BBC – the British Broadcasting Corporation. If I’m lucky, I might even be listening when they reciting the latest doings in the world of cricket.

Imagine listening to this in what I consider a quiet, understated British accent:

“India claimed a dramatic win in the dying minutes of the second test against South Africa on Thursday, squaring the series 1-1 and retaining top spot in the test cricket rankings.”

Or:

“India won by an innings and 57 runs, with that big margin disguising the nerve-racking ending to the test as the visitors got within touching distance of forcing a draw, losing the last wicket with only 13 minutes of play remaining.”

Or possibly:

“South Africa's Hashim Amla, named man of the match and man of the series, remained unbeaten on 123. He lost his more accomplished batting partners at regular intervals on the final day, but shared some dogged, time-evaporating stands with the tail enders to push his team toward a draw that would have delivered a series victory and that No.1 spot in the rankings. Harbhajan Singh (5-59) claimed the final wicket, trapping Morne Morkel lbw, prompting the Eden Gardens crowd to erupt in celebrations.”

Or:

“Last man Morkel had hung on valiantly, facing 60 balls as he and Amla batted for 76 minutes in their brave but ultimately fruitless 10th-wicket stand. South Africa scored 290 in its second innings after 296 in its first, compared to India's 643-6 declared in its sole innings.”

Now, keep in mind I do not listen to the whole 76 minutes of the “brave but fruitless wicket stand”, I just take their word for that. I suppose there are people who understand this completely and, according to BBC they occasionally “erupt”. But for me it’s harmless background noise that doesn’t require anything of me and I usually drop right back to sleep.

Thank you, BBC.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 16, 2010

CAREERS THESE DAYS

2010-03-15T09:24:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking about the career I had as an educator. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. As I recall, when originally making my decision to go into the field of education, the job security of that career was an important factor. Teachers learn to teach, get a job and don’t mess up and they get a thing called “tenure”. We used to think tenure meant you couldn’t be fired. It actually means you can’t be fired without reason but this never bothered me. If, for some reason, any employer didn’t want me to be there, for whatever reason, I could easily move on to some other place either in the field of education or industry. I’ve done it many times and never had a problem. I don’t mean I’ve ever been asked to move on but when I chose to, I never failed to be hired for any job I applied for.

I further felt safe in that I actually had two possible careers. I was a journeyman tool and die maker before I became an educator. This background was very handy for picking up some money during summer vacations. There was always some manufacturer in need of my machine shop skills and I was always in need of some extra money. There were even times I was able to go out and find a part time job in the evening. I never had a problem. I might have even been cocky about it. In fact, I know I was cocky about it.

But now all of a sudden I look up and see that these days the whole picture has changed. There just aren’t enough jobs in the manufacturing sector to employ the people already there. So, thinking of that as a backup career or a part time endeavor is no longer feasible.

In my particular field of teaching things have changed too. I taught courses in Machine Tool Technology or, simply, Machine Shop. For years and years my mantra was, “You are unemployed, come take my class and you will soon be employed.” And it worked. It always worked. But now things have changed. Now taking a course and learning new skills doesn’t insure employment in any way. There are no jobs available, period.

In addition, schools everywhere are looking for ways to cut back their spending. At my school anyone with the least amount of common sense would look and see there was a large shop filled with very expensive equipment and it wasn’t really doing anything very useful. Even I would be hard pressed to argue for continuing such a program.

So, as I look back, I feel so very fortunate to have been in the education business at the particular time that I was. I guess I was just lucky. Lucky the same way I was during World War II when I entered the Navy flight training and was almost finished with the program after which I would be expected to go forth and shoot people and, of course, have people shoot at me. But instead, the war ended and I was allowed to go home, attend college and get my degrees. I was very lucky. I should say the timing was very fortunate.

Today my heart goes out to young people trying to make a decision as to what their future lives will be. It seems like a tough row to hoe and, selfishly, I’m grateful I didn’t need to hoe it.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 15, 2010

MY DAUGHTERS AND ME

2010-03-08T11:44:00.000-08:00

Ever since I learned that the word “juxtaposition” referred to things being next to each other I’ve been amazed at how many times that word perfectly describes some situation I happen to be in.

For example, I enjoy reading Jerry Mann’s blog. I like what he writes about and I like the way he writes about it. A good example is his recent essay on having dinner with his adult daughter.

Recently I noticed that he also highly recommends Laura’s blog. I went there and read “Dear Dad,” which is this lady’s beautiful tribute to her late father. Laura is an excellent writer and she caused tears to actually run down my cheeks.

There it was again; the juxtaposition of two powerful essays about the special relationships between fathers and daughters.

So why does this seem so special to me? I have three adult daughters who, even though it pains me to think about it, are or are soon to become, Senior Citizens. Though we live several hundred miles apart I feel very close to them thanks to e-mail, Skype and the telephone. These three ladies have, at times, literally represented my reason for living and believe me, I fully understand the meaning of the word “literally”.

These three now-ladies were created in my first marriage. The marriage didn’t last long but not for any of the usual reasons you read in the tabloids. It’s just that two young kids married each other for probably all of the wrong reasons and eventually we decided to go our separate lives. In fact, these days my girls tell me that as they grew older they never could see what the two of us saw in each other in the first place. Sometimes I wonder about that too.

When the separation took place the girls were very young and for many, many years I picked them up every Sunday afternoon and we “did something”. It wasn’t always easy finding something that would entertain three young girls and also fit a budget that was already pushing the elastic limit, but somehow we did it and always enjoyed our time together.

Reading Jerry’s and Laura’s thoughts about the father-daughter relationship made me realize something. I think I may have been taking this relationship I have with my daughters for granted. They must know how much I love them and how important to me they are. Don’t they? Have I told them? Have I told them lately? No, I haven’t and I don’t want to wait any longer.

Kathy, Patty and my baby, Betty, you girls represent everything I know about love. You will never know, you couldn’t possibly know, what the privilege of being your father has meant to me. I look at everything else I’ve done in my life and all of it doesn’t add up to even a smidgen of the pride I have in being your father. Ever since I was a young boy I always wished I would grow up and do something significant -– something important. Well, I did. I helped create and bring up three ladies who are a gigantic plus in the world. I always thought my teaching career was a positive influence to society but all of the classes I taught never improved the world to anywhere near the degree that helping you three be the image of perfection that I see these days.

Thank you for allowing me to be part of your life. It’s an honor I treasure more than you could possibly imagine.

Your loving father,

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 8, 2010

HELLO.!! IS ANYONE LISTENING?

2010-03-05T07:41:00.000-08:00

A study of history is a study of the past. The philosopher, George Santayana, in his, “Reason in Common Sense, The Life of Reason, Vol.1, wrote, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

Those who paid attention in History classes know that centuries ago Emperors used to gather huge armies and attempt to conquer the world. Education was only for the wealthy. That didn’t work.

Napoleon did much the same thing. That didn’t work.

Within the memory of many of us we know that Hitler conscripted almost all the German youth in his attempt to take over Europe and Africa. That didn’t work.

Today it appears something similar might be happening. At least in the United States many states are having budget problems and it seems the popular method of balancing the budget is to cut money from the education programs.

Doesn’t anyone remember how the era sometimes called “The Greatest Generation” came to be? Most historians attribute this to the US government creating the G.I. Bill of Rights which, among other things, enabled millions of World War II veterans to attend college who would not ordinarily have done so. I happen to be one of those veterans.

The years that followed were prosperous and creative. I wonder what will happen to the next generation when we, almost deliberately, are taking steps to make higher education a privilege only available to the wealthy.

Hello out there. Isn’t anyone listening to the lessons of the past?

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 5, 2010

THIS JUST DOESN'T SMELL RIGHT

2010-03-03T15:19:00.000-08:00

I’ve mentioned this before but my father’s lifetime career was in law enforcement. More than half of it was as a detective. I don’t know if it was an occupational thing but he had extraordinary powers of deduction that enabled him to spot when something wasn’t right, including several times with me.

I recall numerous times when he would be reading the newspaper and say, “This doesn’t smell right.” He might be looking at a story of the robbery of a jewelry store and, sure enough, the next day it would be revealed that it was a fraud and there was no robbery at all.

I wonder what he would say with the headlines I saw today.

In the same paper I saw:

Toyota faces federal, congressional investigation
And
General Motors Co. says its February sales rose 11.5 percent compared with the same month last year

Am I the only one who sees that, “This doesn’t smell right.”?

Here we have Toyota, finally displacing General Motors as the largest manufacturer of motor cars in the world.

And we have GM that has been having all kinds of financial problems and rapidly losing its leadership position in the industry.

Are these two headlines unrelated? In a couple of years I won’t be surprised to see a movie starring George Clooney exposing the chicanery going on within this competition. It should make an interesting story.

It just doesn’t smell right.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 3, 2010

I WONDER

2010-02-26T15:44:00.000-08:00

Is it just me or is this hilarious?

I saw this ad and apparently it’s for real.

Instantly go from chrome dome to hairy Larry - it's as easy as putting on a hat! Imagine the looks on people's faces when you show up wearing this Fun Hair Visor! Serious fun for all ages. That's what's in store every time you don this hilarious spiked-hair visor. It has a comfortable black fabric design plus thick, lush cotton/poly/acrylic hair with highlighted tips for that added touch of style. Adjusts to fit medium and large heads. Gray hair, black visor.

Wow! It’s real thick, lush cotton/poly/acrylic hair!

I wonder.

It's only $19.99

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 27, 2010

CONGRATULATIONS TO ME

2010-02-26T11:59:00.000-08:00

The California Department of Motor Vehicles requires that anyone driving in California must possess a valid Driver’s License. A new one is issued every five years and my number was up this year.

This meant I needed to go to the DMV Office and take a written test and have my vision checked. So I studied the manual of regulations and found much valuable information such as, the limit for blood alcohol and still be able to drive legally is .08%. This was the first question on my copy of the test. I also learned the closest distance from a fire hydrant one is allowed to park is 15 feet and you must be within 18 inches of a curb, if there is a curb. All of these are obviously very important if one is to be allowed to drive an automobile in California.

I took the written test and aced it – meaning I scored 100 percent.

The vision test called for me to read some letters from a chart some 10 feet away which I managed to do though I did make a mental note to first clean my glasses next time.

So I had my new picture taken and now await delivery of my driver’s license by mail. I will be 93 years old before I need to take another test and that’s scary. I don’t mean taking the test is scary. The thought of being 93 years old is scary.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 26, 2010

WHAT'S WITH TOYOTA?

2010-02-25T11:55:00.000-08:00

I think people all over the world know that, Toyota, the Japanese car manufacturer, has been having problems. A couple of weeks ago they were the one of the largest car manufactures in the world and had an excellent reputation. (Personally, we are on our third Toyota Prius and never had the slightest complaint.)

But lately there have been several accidents that seemed to be blamed on some kind of a Toyota vehicle malfunction. This instituted several recalls and even brought the President of the company to America to appear before several governmental representatives and answer questions.

Speaking mostly through an interpreter he apologized for Toyota’s performance flaws as well as apologizing for his own personal inadequacy in allowing this to happen.

He then appeared on several television programs where he apologized some more.

I don’t get it.

Isn’t he supposed to fall on his sword or yell, "Banzai!"and crash his Lexus into an aircraft carrier or something like that? Maybe he tried and, because of faulty steering linkage, missed.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 25, 2010

I HEAR WEIRD STUFF

2010-02-22T13:40:00.000-08:00

I heard this on television the other day but it was in the background and I just assumed, as any normal person would, that I had heard it wrong because it was too weird to have actually happened. (My using the term “normal person” is a guess. I have no idea how normal people think. Never have. )

But yesterday I heard it again and this time the television program was being recorded. So I played it back and even though it sounded odd, I was right. I had heard it previously.

It was advertising for some kind of psychological clinic. I suppose it was poor advertising because I don’t recall the name of the clinic, but the announcer was asking for people who were suffering from depression to get in touch. The exact quote was, “If you have ever contemplated or committed suicide, contact this number immediately.”

I wonder how any people who had actually committed suicide called in. If I were answering the phones and someone who had committed suicide called in, I’d be frightened.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 22, 2010

OLYMPIC GAMES MAKE ME WONDER

2010-02-21T10:58:00.000-08:00

As I get older I notice that I catch myself wondering more. Perhaps it's that there are more things to wonder about but I'm inclined to think that it's merely the fact that I have more time to wonder.

Right now the Winter Olympics are being held in Canada. I watched some of the events on television but actually spent more time wondering then enjoying. For example, there is the sport of curling. From what I can see the object of his sport is to slide a large stone along the ice attempting to make it stop at some predetermined point. So, I wonder how this sport started. I understand it began in Scotland many years ago and perhaps that has something to do with it. Scotland is where the sport of golf was born. Perhaps one day, in the middle of winter, one Scotsman said to another, "Let's have a round of golf."
His friend might have replied, "Are you daft, mon? It's the middle of winter and the holes are frozen over."
The reply to that might have been, "Well, I could take this rock and slide it down the ice and see how close I can get to a circle that we will draw down there. That will be like golf and we can do it all winter."

That's a plausible explanation for how curling began but how do you explain ski jumping? I picture two young men who were probably teenagers who should have been in school. While skiing they might have paused at the top of a steep hill observing a cliff dropping off at the bottom of the hill. One skier might say to the other, "Hey Dude, I'm going to ski down there and jump off the edge of that cliff to see how far I will go before I land. Then you come after me and see if you can jump farther. Okay?"

It’s doubtful that there would be two men who would think this was a good idea so the second man probably didn’t understand but being a teenager he nodded his head anyway and thus the sport of ski jumping was born.
It's possible.
In fact, it’s quite plausible especially if they really were teenagers.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 21, 2010

I PONDER THERFORE I AM

2010-02-15T09:56:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up and as usual I began to ponder. Pondering is something that isn't done often enough these days. I suppose people who need to go to work every day and then also take care of things around the house don't have much time for pondering. Therefore, it seems only natural that most of the pondering should be done by retired people.

Today as I was getting dressed I was pondering why one particular dark blue sweater that I wear seems to be in the expert class when it comes to gathering lint balls. This particular sweater seems to make up for the lackadaisical attitude my other sweaters have towards lint balls. It collects every one in sight and I suspect it secretly goes about the neighborhood collecting lint balls from other clothes dryers.

As I was doing this I began to feel a slight embarrassment. I began to think of the many other really important events going on in the world and felt my lint ball problem was hardly worth pondering.

On the other hand, there were so many other things to ponder I wasn't sure where to start pondering. We have the situation in Haiti were hundreds of thousands of people are suffering. They certainly could use my pondering.

Then I could ponder as to why there is so much snow in Washington DC, where they need none, and none in Vancouver British Columbia, where they need snow for some Olympic events. I could ponder that.

Or, I could spend some time pondering the predicament that Tiger Woods is currently in with his de facto harem. Probably one of the most ponderable aspects of this would be a comment I heard one of his lady friends (alleged) make on television last night. I think it was Lady Number Four. She said, "The sex was marvelous. Not the ordinary, married type sex but exciting."

Now there is something worth pondering. I think I'll make that my Ponder of the Day.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 15, 2010

ANOTHER ONE OF LIFE'S MYSTERIES

2010-02-03T12:17:00.000-08:00

These days there is much discussion about evolution. Some people think, as Darwin did, that human ancestors were lower forms of life evolving to what we are today. Others disagree and attribute our current state of evolution of some higher intelligence. However, most agree that not too long ago, maybe a billion or so years ago, humans lived in caves which today we would consider a very crude style of living.

I never hear anyone talk about the furniture in the caves and how it has evolved. Surely when we lived in caves we didn’t have things like dressers with drawers. Probably, well, possibly, some of the more organized humans of that era had a special rock where they stacked different pieces of apparel but I’m sure they weren’t as well organized as some people are today. I doubt if they had a special rock for underwear and another for socks. And I’d be willing to wager they did not require that each piece of underwear be folded neatly before it was placed on this special rock.

But along the evolutionary road something happened. It would have been somewhere around the time drawers were invented. It was about then that women decided everything in a drawer must be neatly folded and stacked in some order. It didn’t seem to make any difference that the article of clothing was soon to be taken out of the drawer and placed on a person’s body in a completely haphazard way. No, they must always be neatly folded when in the drawer.

Sociologists at several major Think Tanks have studied this while trying to discover why this compulsion only exists in the females of the human race. Apparently this is one of those mysteries of life which have no real explanation. Maybe the next generation will figure it out.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 3, 2010

NO MORE MOON TRAVEL AT GOVERNMENT EXPENSE

2010-02-02T11:09:00.001-08:00

There are several adjectives some people use to express their opinion that the statement just heard was nonsense. Many of these colloquialisms seem to refer to the elimination processes used by farm animals, say, horses or bulls and these, while most descriptive, are not usually accepted in polite society and are barely recognized in some dictionaries. One of the ways of circumventing this is to use the word, “Hogwash” which is accepted in most dictionaries though not recommended. It says, “(informal) nonsense; ludicrously false statements”. Good enough.

Recently the American President Obama announced budget cuts for the coming year and it appears one of the victims of the new economy will be the U.S. Space Program and its “Man On The Moon” projects. It's planned that the government will get out of the space travel business thereby saving a ton of money.

Almost immediately a Senator from the State of Florida protested saying how terrible it will be if other countries, like China and Russia – eeek! – travel to the moon and we don’t. He said, “We certainly don’t want that, do we?”

Hogwash!

Everyone knows that a good deal of the money for space travel is spent in Florida where the shuttles are launched. The Senator doesn’t care about China or Russia being on the moon! He cares about money that will no longer find its way to Florida! Then when election time rolls around people may notice they are a bit short of spending money and send a different senator to Washington to remedy that. He cares about the unemployment problem and does not want to become a statistic.

Personally, I would like to see a real analysis of where the money spent on past space launches actually ended up. There’s an old expression: “It did cost millions of dollars to put a man on the moon, but not one cent was spent on the moon.” Of course, this means it was spent on earth. Much of the costs of building and launching these devices end eventually involving someone’s wages. Even some the cost of the materials can be traced all the way back to wages paid to the titanium miners.

Maybe that’s even better than trying to devise more new programs that might create jobs that might alleviate unemployment. I’d like to know.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 2, 2010

I MOVE UP IN CLASS

2010-01-30T16:41:00.000-08:00

You may have heard of "Ben" Stein.

He's an American, writer, lawyer, and a commentator on political and economic issues. He used to be a speechwriter for American presidents Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford. He also produced and starred in a documentary film with the title of "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed" . He was exploring whether "Intelligent Design" should be taught in schools or not. He explored the differing opinions as to how the world and the people in it originated. Some, like Darwin, contend it was a matter of evolving from lower forms of life while others argue there surely was some intelligent force that designed the whole thing.

I was not overly impressed with the film that had Ben Stein traveling all over the world seeking opinions from prominent scientists and philosophers. Personally, I didn't come to any conclusion but I did notice one thing which seems important to me. Most of these prominent people were interviewed at their desks. Every single one of them had one thing in common. Their desks were a mess! There were papers and books stacked upon each other so that there was no possible way they would be able to find anything in the piles.

That made me feel good because that's exactly how my desk looks all the time. It must be a sign of genius and, judging by desktops, apparently, I am one.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 30, 2010

ANOTHER MAJOR DISCOVERY

2010-01-27T08:57:00.000-08:00

I’ve heard of something called “The Age of Discovery.” I never was sure what it meant but I think I have entered it. Maybe the “Age of Discovery” is 86 or thereabouts. It seems to me I’m discovering something new almost daily. I consider yesterday’s discovery to be gigantic.

Almost everyone has experienced the thrill of calling some business and having been put on hold and being forced to listen to music, interrupted with periodic announcements thanking you for your patience and informing you that someone will be with you soon.

I may have quite accidentally discovered how to avoid this. Yesterday I had occasion to call an insurance company to inquire about a bill. After pushing several numbers I was vocally escorted to the waiting area. I was using my cell phone and after some time I finally decided I might be able to do a bit of multitasking by using the bathroom facility while waiting. You can probably see what’s coming. Shortly after I entered the Little Room I heard, “Good morning. This is Muriel. How may I help you?”

I looked around and obviously there was no way Muriel could actually “help me” so I explained to her that I had been waiting and decided to go to the bathroom and I needed to get back to my desk.

She said, “That’s a little more information than I really needed.” I suppose she’s right but none the less, I think I have found out how to force these people to talk to me.

I will experiment further but if this turns out to be the momentous discovery I think it is, I may move my computer to a smaller room and bypass the waiting all together.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 27, 2010

A BIG DISCOVERY

2010-01-22T15:05:00.000-08:00

***WARNING WARNING WARNING***

The following blog contains specific references to certain bodily functions that some may find offensive. If you are easily offend please read no further.

Okay, this next subject might be considered not very delicate but, as you will see, it must be explored. It concerns bowel movements which shouldn't be too shocking as everyone has them with the exception of a couple of administrators at the college where I was previously employed.

Lately I have been having some minor trouble in this area. I've tried all kinds of home remedies such as drinking more water, adding fiber and so forth. All to little or no avail. But this morning, praise be, I had a nice, regular bowel movement.

Naturally I tried to figure out why and came up with an unusual event which probably is the cause. I feel like Sir Isaac Newton when he discovered gravity by observing that apple thing. I tried to look back to yesterday to see what I had done differently and there was only one thing I could think of. That evening I had been forced to manually close our overhead garage door which usually is done with an electric motor but since a storm had left us without electricity it had been disconnected. As I closed it I neglected to get out of the way soon enough and sustained a pretty good whack on the top of my thinly padded head. It scraped off enough skin to cause some bleeding and left a red mark about an inch in diameter.

Now, it's too much of a coincidence to think these two rare happenings were not related. Wouldn't it be something if I had discovered the cure for constipation is a whack on the head with a garage door? My next step is to find some volunteers to expand the experiment. I feel pretty sure about the "whack in the head" part but I can't see why it would need to be a garage door necessarily. I would think any door might do but then I'm not Sir Isaac Newton.

Then there are several other angles needing investigation. I wonder about a person who receives the treatment to the head accidentally and didn't need any help with elimination. Would that be a cause for diarrhea? Has anyone investigated that?

I need to go lie down now.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 22, 2010

THE MOST UNFORGETTABLE

2010-01-19T09:58:00.000-08:00

Many years ago the magazine Reader’s Digest used to feature an article called “The Most Unforgettable Character I Ever Met”, or something like that. If that were available today I would submit that Beldon Jackson meets that criterion. About sixty years ago Beldon Jackson (would I make up a name like that?) was the Assistant Principal at Technical High School in Springfield, Massachusetts where I was, at that time, a young high school teacher. In those days there was a room that was set aside as a “Faculty Lounge”.The main activity in this room seemed to be smoking. That is where faculty members went to “get a smoke” after lunch or during an occasional free period. Mr. Jackson used to visit there often and his visits were never ordinary.

His routine was always the same: He would enter the room, produce a king-sized, unfiltered cigarette, put it between his lips, light it and inhale deeply. Then he would start a frightening period of coughing and choking and gasping for breath. Then, as though nothing had happened, he would sit down and utter one of his comments on life that made him memorable to me.

I recall once when he announced, “Today Mary Ellen had to withdraw because her boyfriend didn’t.”

Another time he contended that someone had asked him what the difference was between the job of being Principal and that of being Assistant Principal. He said his answer was, “If someone were to find a rose in the corridor they would take it to the Principal. If someone found horse manure in the corridor, they would take it to the Assistant Principal.”

Another time I recall his wondering about the new shoes he was wearing. “People comment on my wearing new shoes and it makes me wonder if they look that good or the old ones looked that bad.”

Certainly Beldon Jackson was unforgettable to me. I can still visualize him walking in and coughing followed by something that was always interesting to hear. A character? Yes. And as evidenced by the fact I still think about him some sixty years later, he certainly qualifies as unforgettable

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January19, 2010

LET'S DO IT

2010-01-16T17:18:00.000-08:00

Nothing seems more important than what's going on in Haiti.

I've just logged on to www.redcross.org to make my donation.

Please join me and the millions of others right now.
Note: The web site apparently is very crowded and slow. It took me several attempts so please be patient.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 16, 2010

I HEAR THINGS

2010-01-14T12:56:00.000-08:00

I have no idea why but I seem to hear things other people miss. I think when people speak it’s only natural to assume certain familiar words follow. For instance, if you meet someone and they say, “Isn’t it a beautiful …” it is often assumed the next word will be “day” but sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it might be “morning” or even “football game.”

I don’t seem to make that jump but rather hear all the words which apparently has me sometimes hearing things others miss. There was an announcement on the radio the other day. No one seemed to notice when he announcer for the “Suicide Hot Line” said, “If you ever commit suicide or have thoughts about committing suicide, please the Suicide Hot Line at blah, blah, blah.”

“If you ever commit suicide call ..”? That would be a neat trick. I assume he meant if you ever tried committing suicide but it did generate an interesting picture.

There once was a comedian name Bob Newhart and he had several routines where he was on the phone to some imaginary character. Well, with apologies to Mr. Newhart I imagine the following could have taken place.

“Good morning, Suicide Hot line.”
“I just committed suicide.”
“Oh, how did you do that?”
“I jumped off a very tall building.”
“Oh, then what happened?”
(Pause)
“Caller? Caller? Then what happened?”
(Pause)
“I guess he hung up.”

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 14, 2010

THE OLD PROFESSOR RETURNS

2010-01-10T17:50:00.000-08:00

Has anyone noticed the renewed popularity of publicly admitting responsibility for some oversight? I first noticed this in 2005 after Hurricane Katrina. Almost everything intended to provide relief was messed up somehow. Finally, President Bush flew over the site of the damage and admitted many mistakes had been made. Then, as I recall, he said, “I take full responsibility.”

Then what happened? Nothing happened and now, here it is again. There was a messed up attempt at bombing an airplane in Detroit on Christmas Day, 2009. After a suitable time it became clear many errors were made in allowing the near disaster. President Obama finally came forward and admitted mistakes had been made and said, “I take full responsibility.”

What is this all about? When I used to be in the work field it seemed if there was something that went very wrong, a determination was made as to who was responsible and that person was reprimanded or even fired. But these days it seems all that is needed is for someone to say the magic words: “I take full responsibility.” And that’s the end of it.

Keeping that in mind I’ll admit I haven’t been posting any blogs for quite a few months now. For that, I take full responsibility.

I also want to take this opportunity to thank the many of you who wrote telling me you missed the regular dispensing of my particular brand of nonsense. That was nice. I am going to make a serious, but not too serious, attempt to keep in touch on a more regular basis. I hope you’ll forgive the lapse especially since, I take full responsibility.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 10, 2010

I WATCH TELEVISON AND WONDER

2009-07-26T13:08:00.000-07:00

Often I seem to see things on television that make me wonder. Lately in USA there is much news about a new government healthcare plan making its way through the legislative channels. There is much interesting about this starting with the coining of a new word – “healthplan”. That used to be two words, “health” and “plan”. Most people were able to understand that these two words, when used consecutively, meant a plan about health. I suppose whoever decides such things was afraid that somehow the reader would get lost between “health” and “plan” so decided one word would solve that problem.

According to the news pundits, a few months ago the polls showed a healthy majority of Americans supported a government healthplan. Now it seems the percentage of those favoring such a thing is dropping almost daily.

Now, just by coincidence I’m sure, (wink, wink) I notice a blitz of television advertising that is against a government health plan. These ads are usually mini-dramas where there might be a doctor and a patient in a hospital bed. In between them stands a man dressed in a suit. The doctor says, “I think the next step should be .....” The suit shakes his head negatively. The doctor then says, “Maybe we could try this.” The suit shakes his head again. Then a voice comes in and says, “Are we going to trust our heath care to some outside bureaucrat?” Then a sign comes up explaining this is paid for by “Americans for Health” but tells no more. Is there another organization called “Americans Against Health”?

As these sponsored announcements continue to assault us I wonder who they are aimed at. Then I remember an undeniable fact. By definition half of the population of the country is of less than average intelligence! These people get hammered by someone telling them that a certain fruit drink has great health benefits and they go out and buy it. The advertising people know this. Just keep telling them over and over and soon it becomes accepted. That’s why companies spend so much money advertising. But who are the companies advertising these warnings against government involvement? I believe it’s obvious that there are people who stand to make a lot of money by not changing anything. It isn’t hard to guess who these people might be. Can you say, “Insurance companies?” Can you say, “Pharmaceutical companies?”

You can make up your own questions but I think it’s important that we do ask those questions. Can you say, “Me too?”

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
July 26, 2009

I SAW THIS ON TV

2009-07-23T14:56:00.000-07:00

I haven’t written any blogs for awhile. I suppose that’s because I haven’t noticed anything worth alerting you about. Until today, that is.
Here in the Western United States we have been bombarded with short television spots advertising assistance with income tax problems. One of these seen often is a pretty, blond lady by the name of Roni Lynn Deuthch, pronounced “doi-tch”. She offers to help anyone who has trouble with income taxes. During the segment other happy people pop up and say things like, “Ronnie save me eight hundred thousand dollars.” or “I’m glad I went to Ronnie or we would be penniless.”
While this goes on I noticed a message streaming rapidly across the bottom of the screen but it’s much too fast to read. My television setup happens to have a recording function so I recorded the message and played it back in slow motion. I then dictated the message to a gadget I have that records what I say and I was able to get the complete message. This is it:

This lawyer advertisement for services is offered by Roni Lynn Deutch, a professional tax corporation, 4815 Wall Street, North Highlands, CA 95860. Our attorneys are licensed by the State Bar of California to practice before the Internal Revenue Service in all 50 states. The services advertised may be for performed by lawyers other than Ms. Deutsch. No representation is made that the quality of the services or that the services are better than those performed by others. Testimonials or endorsements do not constitute a guarantee, warranty or prediction regarding the outcome of a particular matter. Past successes cannot be an assurance of future successes because each case must be decided on its own merits. Background information available on request. Not certified as an expert or specialist in New Mexico, Missouri, Rhode Island or in any other state. The State Bar of Nevada and the Wisconsin State Bar do not certify any lawyer as a specialist or expert. Anyone considering a lawyer should independently investigate the lawyer’s credentials and abilities and not rely upon advertising or self-proclaimed expertise.

Did you happen to catch the line that said, “Not certified as an expert or specialist in New Mexico, Missouri, Rhode Island or in any other state.”? What is that all about? “Or in any other state”?

Lawyers!

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
July 23, 2009

SEX USED FOR POWER?

2009-06-23T10:26:00.000-07:00

There was an article in this morning’s paper that caught my eye.

“Carmel city leader used sex for power, suit alleges”

I found this especially interesting because I had been contemplating installing some panels and using solar energy for power. I had never thought of this angle.

It turns out that there was someone suing a city manager because he “allegedly” gave special favors to younger attractive women.

Can you imagine that such a thing could happen?

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 23,2009

A POSSIBLE EQUIPMENT ADDITION

2009-06-07T16:41:00.000-07:00

The other day I happened to park my car in one of those unusual parking spaces. It was a narrow street and cars were parked on each side at a 90 degree angle. It makes it difficult to back out but I have a rear view mirror plus another one on each side. I also have a backup camera which shows what’s directly behind me and of course I can always look out the rear window.

Yet, this time I started to slowly back out and felt all was going to be all right until I looked out the front window and saw a woman on the sidewalk who looked like this.

I slammed on my brakes and the other car did too. Our bumpers just kissed.

I’m wondering if there couldn’t be some way for this lady to be standard equipment. Possibly as a hood ornament?

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 07, 2009

A FRIEND IN THE GARAGE

2009-06-06T10:28:00.000-07:00

When I was teaching I had occasion to make thousands of “Instruction Sheets”. These were step-by-step instructions for doing a particular task and it was important they be extremely detailed and impossible to misunderstand. I haven’t done this in years but will try one here that you might find interesting.

INTRODUCTION

Many people lack good depth perception and this often results in hitting the back wall when driving the car into the garage. THARP, (The Home Accident Reporting Agency), announced last year that a new record of 35,664 garages in 38 different countries were damaged this way.
Many people have discovered the HTB (Hanging Tennis Ball) method which helps even though it looks bit silly to see a tennis ball hanging in midair when there is no car in the garage. I have developed a special HTB that helps with that.

Step 1
Get an old tennis ball and find some way to hang it from some higher spot in the garage. I used a screw-eye and string.
Locate it so the ball just touches the windshield when the car is parked in the proper space.
Step 2
Get a felt pen and draw a Smiley face on the ball.
To further enhance the appearance go to Step 3

Step 3
Find some fuzzy material and cut out eyebrows that will be above the eyes you drew on the tennis ball. I used the fuzzy half of a bit of black Velcro® but it’s important that they be above the eyes of the HTB as it is hanging.

Step 4
Fasten eyebrows on Smiley’s Face ON THE TENNIS BALL
Step 5
Use 2 white pins used for dressmaking to create the pupils of Smiley’s eyes. Use 1 pin in each of THE EYES YOU DREW ON THE TENNIS BALL.
Step 6
Insert a red thumb tack between the eyes and the mouth to serve as Smiley’s nose ON THE TENNIS BALL.
Step 7
Step back and be prepared for the compliments you will receive. If, by some rare chance, you don’t receive any compliments let me know. I’ll send you a compliment.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 06, 2009

CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER

2009-06-05T15:54:00.000-07:00

Curiouser and curiouser?
If one reads Alice in Wonderland one would find this line:

“'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English).”

Yesterday I posted a blog where I apologized for offending anyone with something I had written and I received an unusually large number of responses encouraging me and I appreciated that. However, my original critic also posted another comment. I have no idea why she would want to revisit a place that offended her so but she did leave another comment which ended with, “Overly sensitive greetings from Germany!”

Now here is another unusual thing. As some of you know I am 86 years old and as such have probably read a million or more sentences and have composed a few hundred thousand more and that is the first time I have ever seen the words “sensitive” and “Germany” in the same sentence.

Curiouser and curiouser.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 05, 2009

Footnote: Please don’t think I believe that it’s impossible for the words “Germany” and “sensitive” to go together. It’s just that I’ve never seen it. The combination probably has been made several times, someplace.

AN APOLOGY

2009-06-04T17:57:00.000-07:00

I had something happen to me that I found unusual.

I posted a blog and almost immediately received a comment from a lady who found it very offensive. Since it is certainly not my desire to offend anyone I removed it immediately. Of course, I had no way to apologize to this anonymous lady.

I had, playfully I thought, proposed that the exercise equipment we know as a treadmill was inherently evil and based on a recent infant death in the news, I proposed the elimination of the treadmill and even had “Wanted” poster offering a reward.

I thought it mildly humorous and certainly not offensive but I’ve learned if someone perceives it as offensive it is, of course, offensive. If there are others out there who found it to be so, I apologize to them too.

I also sympathize with them. It must be tough living in today’s world with such a sensitive attitude.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 04, 2009

T-Bone or not T-Bone

2009-05-29T17:50:00.000-07:00

The other day I was watching the TV news and saw where another man had been freed from prison after 23 years because DNA proved he was innocent of the crime he had been serving time for.

A small group of friends and supporters met him outside the prison gate and took him directly to a restaurant where, for the first time in 23 years, he had a T-bone steak.

That's not the way I would have done it.

If I were to be freed after 23 years of never having had any contact with a T-bone steak or a female, I would want my friends to drive me directly to one of those houses were you can pay to get in close contact with a female.

I would ask my friends to wait for me in the car.

It wouldn't take long.

Then we could go for the T-Bone.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 29, 2009

BAD HAIRCUTS AND WORLD AFFAIRS

2009-05-28T10:56:00.000-07:00

There is an old saying that is attributed to the poet and philosopher George Santayana: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
I think of that when I see the news these days. I suppose there are fewer people every day who actually recall 1939 when Germany’s Adolph Hitler invaded Poland but I recall many things about those days and some of it reminds me of things going on today.

First, there is the haircut. Adolph Hitler had a lousy barber and his hair always looked strange when compared to other world leaders.

It seems to be the same with Kim Jong Il, North Korea’s leader.

I wonder if having a goofy hair style leads to doing goofy things like having the soldiers march in a strange way. Hitler had his troops do what we called “The Goose Step.”

Kin Jonh Il seems to have his own way or is he trying to emulate Hitler?

There also seem to be several other similarities not the least of which is telling the rest of the world one thing and doing the opposite with no apology at all. I wonder if there is some connection.
Hitler died in 1945 and Kim Jong Il had been born 4 years earlier so that rules out reincarnation, which is just as well because I don’t believe in that anyway.
I suppose it's theoretically possible that Kim Jong Il might possibly be the illegitimate son of ... Nah, that's silly.
But yet it is strange there are so many similarities. I wonder what harbor Kim Jong Il will bomb before we decide to pay serious attention.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 28, 2009

AMAZING TECHNICAL SUPPORT

2009-04-26T11:25:00.000-07:00

It has been a couple of weeks since I posted my last blog. This is probably due to a combination of a couple of things. It's entirely possible that I may have commented on everything in the world and there is nothing left that amuses me. But this is doubtful. I just haven't had anything major happened in my life that was worth blogging about -- until now.
For many years I have used a software program called Almanac. It is essentially a calendar program and each time I turn my computer on a calendar fills my screen showing holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and even doctor's appointments. However, I moved to a new computer using a new operating system and I couldn't find a way to install my Almanac program. After much searching I found the author of the program had retired it and in its place there was a new program called Einstime. That is Einstime not Einstein, as in Albert Einstein. The new program is very elegant and has many more features. The only problem was that I had trouble entering my personal information. So I sent an e-mail to Technical Support.
I received a prompt answer (like in about an hour) and, as it turned out, it was from the author of the software. His name is Leonard Gray. I was surprised to receive a personal note instead of some automated message. In addition, he offered to call me on the telephone and walk me through the problem. So, I sent him my number and, within an hour, he called me. He knew exactly what the problem was and while I was at my computer he guided me step-by-step until the program worked perfectly.
I was amazed! Not only is Einstime a very elegant program but now it works exactly the way I want it to work and I could not be happier. In all my years of dealing with Technical Support going back to 1982 I never have experienced anything like that.

If you have any need for such a program, and almost everyone does, I wholeheartedly suggest that you go to http://www.einstime.com/ and take a look. He offers a free trial period before purchasing and the price is very reasonable. And, most importantly, if you get in trouble you can rely on getting REAL help.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 26, 2009

Paulz Blog

I LIVE, I LEARN

ONE SUNDAY AFTERNOON

ANOTHER LESSON IN LIFE

I AM HUMAN -- I THINK

I'M BACK

STRANGE HAPPENINGS

IT'S NOT ALWAYS ENGLAND

SAVE TIBET

I H﻿AVE AN IDEA

OOPS

A SECRET I'LL SHARE

I W﻿ROTE A STORY

I A﻿M STILL HERE ALIVE AND --- WELL?

THAT IS NOT WHAT GUYS DO!!!

IT ISN'T RIGHT

ADDICTIONS

THE ROYAL WEDDING IN ENGLAND

AN EPIPHANY

THE HUMAN BODY

THE CANE AND I

I A﻿M SURPRISED

ALL IN THE GENES

IT'S IN THE GENES

COINCIDENCES

THE OLD PROFESSOR RETURNS

I ﻿DON'T GET IT

DON'T ASK; DON'T TELL??

I G﻿ET A NEW DEGREE

A VERY SHORT STORY

A MOST UNUSUAL DAY

I L﻿EARN ABOUT SURGE PROTECTION

I G﻿ET SOME VERY WISE ADVICE

WELL DONE CHILE !!!

THE SPICE OF LIFE

FINISH THE SENTENCE

LABOR DAY

PLANS FOR WHEN THE EARTH DIES?

TIGER WOODS AND ME

TOO MUCH SPARE TIME?

OLD TV SHOWS

CHANGE OF PLANS

I RECALL 1943

PROGRESS, I GUESS

**PUBLIC SERVICE WARNING**

IT'S IN THE GENES

THE HUMAN BODY

MEMORIES OF MY VACATION

THAT WAS FUN -- NOT!!

OUR NEW CAR, KIND OF

CONVERGANCE

OIL IN THE GULF OF MEXICO

AN ADDENDUM TO YESTERDAY'S BLOG

I WONDER AGAIN

I REALLY HEARD THIS

I HAVE AN EXCUSE

I HAVE A RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE

I GO BACK TO SCHOOL

I DREAM THEREFORE I AM ......

I SAVE THE GOVERNMENT MONEY

THANK YOU, THANK YOU

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US

PACIFIC

AN UNSOLICITED OPINION

HOW I SLEEP WELL

CAREERS THESE DAYS

MY DAUGHTERS AND ME

HELLO.!! IS ANYONE LISTENING?

THIS JUST DOESN'T SMELL RIGHT

I WONDER

CONGRATULATIONS TO ME

WHAT'S WITH TOYOTA?

I HEAR WEIRD STUFF

OLYMPIC GAMES MAKE ME WONDER

I PONDER THERFORE I AM

ANOTHER ONE OF LIFE'S MYSTERIES

NO MORE MOON TRAVEL AT GOVERNMENT EXPENSE

I MOVE UP IN CLASS

ANOTHER MAJOR DISCOVERY

A BIG DISCOVERY

I HAVE AN IDEA

I WROTE A STORY

I AM STILL HERE ALIVE AND --- WELL?

I AM SURPRISED

I DON'T GET IT

I GET A NEW DEGREE

I LEARN ABOUT SURGE PROTECTION

I GET SOME VERY WISE ADVICE

PUBLIC SERVICE WARNING