The news has really been around for some time now, but it seems there are legitimate scientists who believe that most, if not all, of the world’s ecological problems are caused by flatulence from cows and termites. They have actual statistics showing how much methane gas, which is the principal component of natural gas, and what flatulence actually is, gets expelled into the atmosphere. They then show how it affects everything from the ozone to global warming, as well as causing everything from smog to premenstrual syndrome.
Information is presented in such a compelling manner that disputing it is difficult but it still leaves me with big questions.
How do they measure the flatulence? Now, with the cows it shouldn’t be too difficult. Anyone of the universities in the Red States would have an agriculture program. They could provide the cows. Then the athletic department could provide the two people who are needed to collect the data. These people would only need to know which end of the cow was the front, as the belching would also need to be taken into consideration. After that it’s matter of following a cow around and waiting until some noise comes out of the cow and making a mark on a piece of paper, noting which end it came from. Simple enough for most college students.
But with termites it would seem to be another matter. As far as I know, termite flatulence is silent, so there must be some kind of instrument that is used. What would it be like? Is it inserted into some cavity on the termite’s body? If so, how do you get the termite into that position? I can’t picture the termite bending over a table or having its feet up in little tiny stirrups.
The other alternative of having the termite wear some device seems silly to me.
That only leaves me with one conclusion. The scientists are guessing. They can measure how much methane there is in the atmosphere and how many termites there are, but they can only guess at other sources, like the fat lady who was on the bus with me last week. She had to be factored in as at least 1,000 termites or one cow.
I conclude that this information is, at best, sketchy but personally, if I were going to be anywhere near the ozone layer I wouldn’t choose that time light up. Or near that fat lady on the bus.
11/05/2004
11/04/2004
HUMILITY
Many sports have away of deflating one’s pride. Golf is a good example. The game allows a person to improve to a point where some pride is possibly justified and then, all of a sudden, it’s gone and the player needs to start over.
I expect this from most sports but not walking. What could happen when walking? A lot can happen.
Maybe you saw my blog of September 18, 2004 called:
A CASE FOR WOGGING AT A TRACK.
If not, you can read it by looking into my September archives to the right.
You may recall that I started a regular walking/jogging exercise routine at the local high school track. I began this about 10 months ago. I go there at about the same time; early almost every morning. Mostly the same people are there although they do come and go. I am far and away the senior member (oldest) of the group.
I have been working at improving my performance and thought I was doing well. I started by not being able to even walk for half a mile. I now do between one and a half miles and 2 miles each morning. In addition I have worked my time down so that I am doing a 20-minute mile. To me this is a pretty good speed and I end up perspiring, breathing hard with an elevated pulse rate. Plus that, my legs are telling me that I have been working.
I was very pleased with that until I picked up the paper the other day and some, so called, doctor was explaining that everyone needed exercise. He said it didn’t need to be much excercise. “A simple half hour walk at a brisk 15-minute mile pace is fine.”
15-minute mile pace? A 20-minute mile is pushing it for me. What a quack!
But yesterday I was humiliated even more.
In all the time I’ve been doing this, many people have overtaken me and passed me. I have never passed anyone. I almost did once when a man fell down but he got up before I could pass him. Then yesterday morning I was chugging along, listening to Louis Armstrong in my earphones and I could hear footsteps coming up behind me. I thought nothing of this until the man passed me and I notice he was jogging backwards! He was facing me and grinning - possibly laughing.
I muttered unkind things under my breath.
He probably was that quack who calls himself a doctor.
I expect this from most sports but not walking. What could happen when walking? A lot can happen.
Maybe you saw my blog of September 18, 2004 called:
A CASE FOR WOGGING AT A TRACK.
If not, you can read it by looking into my September archives to the right.
You may recall that I started a regular walking/jogging exercise routine at the local high school track. I began this about 10 months ago. I go there at about the same time; early almost every morning. Mostly the same people are there although they do come and go. I am far and away the senior member (oldest) of the group.
I have been working at improving my performance and thought I was doing well. I started by not being able to even walk for half a mile. I now do between one and a half miles and 2 miles each morning. In addition I have worked my time down so that I am doing a 20-minute mile. To me this is a pretty good speed and I end up perspiring, breathing hard with an elevated pulse rate. Plus that, my legs are telling me that I have been working.
I was very pleased with that until I picked up the paper the other day and some, so called, doctor was explaining that everyone needed exercise. He said it didn’t need to be much excercise. “A simple half hour walk at a brisk 15-minute mile pace is fine.”
15-minute mile pace? A 20-minute mile is pushing it for me. What a quack!
But yesterday I was humiliated even more.
In all the time I’ve been doing this, many people have overtaken me and passed me. I have never passed anyone. I almost did once when a man fell down but he got up before I could pass him. Then yesterday morning I was chugging along, listening to Louis Armstrong in my earphones and I could hear footsteps coming up behind me. I thought nothing of this until the man passed me and I notice he was jogging backwards! He was facing me and grinning - possibly laughing.
I muttered unkind things under my breath.
He probably was that quack who calls himself a doctor.
11/03/2004
THE DEMISE OF THE BELL CURVE??
Most people have at least heard of the famous Bell Curve. This famous theory contends that, given a sufficient sample, distribution of almost anything can be graphically represented by a curve which is, more or less, shaped like a bell with most of the samples in the middle while tapering off both ends. To create a hypothetical example, if the height of all of the males in a certain large city were to be measured it would show there were a few men who were very tall and a few very who were very short. The largest proportion of the men would be somewhere in between. The distribution takes the shape of a bell.
As an example;
Note there are approximately the same numbers of people on the Genius side of average as there are on the Moron side of Average. This is normal.
However, something that baffles scientists happened on November 2, 2004. For some unknown reason there was a dramatic shift as shown on the skewed bell curve below.
As an example;
Note there are approximately the same numbers of people on the Genius side of average as there are on the Moron side of Average. This is normal.
However, something that baffles scientists happened on November 2, 2004. For some unknown reason there was a dramatic shift as shown on the skewed bell curve below.
Scientists are still trying to figure out why American intelligence disappeared so all of a sudden. It may be that American intelligence never was that intelligent. It couldn’t find any weapons of mass destruction.
11/01/2004
LOOK AND LEARN
It was more than 10 years ago now. In the summer of 1994 I received a Certificate of Competence from the National Society of Internet Instructors.
This certificate has been framed and hung proudly on my wall since then.
Besides having a gold seal in the corner, it states that I have been awarded this certificate,
“On Having Met All The Criteria Required For Certification As An Internet Instructor”
This certificate, plus some bravado, has enabled me to teach several Internet classes a various levels.
I use the word “bravado” as in “a false show of bravery”. There’s a reason for this is. As far as I know, there is no “National Society of Internet Instructors”. If there is, I think it would only have one member.
I made the certificate myself and printed it on special paper. Did you know that offices supply places sell special paper just for certificates? And they sell gold seals that look a lot more golden than the scanned image of my certificate.
The most amazing thing to me is that I have proudlly shown this certificate to many people and no one has noticed it is signed by the same person it is awarded to.
There is a lesson here to think about.
“Don’t let a framed certificate make you think it is anything more than a piece of paper.”
BEST LAID PLANS, AND ALL THAT
When I began this collection of sense and nonsense, it was my intention to add something daily, or almost daily.
As the saying goes, "The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men gang aft agley." That was the poet, Robert Burns giving his interpretation to, “No matter what you do, it will get screwed up.” (I didn’t take all the English Lit courses for nuttin.)
It all began when She mentioned there might be a small leak under the kitchen sink. She deduced this by the puddle of water there so She thought there “might be” a leak.
Being the man of the house, of course I could fix this. I started by looking under the sink. Sure enough, there was a small puddle of water. Independently I came to the same conclusion. It appeared there was as small leak under the kitchen sink.
I could handle this. First, I needed to go to the garage and get some tools to make the necessary repairs. No problem.
I crawled under the sink and began to make the needed adjustment when I realized that somehow a part had broken and water had spurted all over the place, including directly in my face. After I shut the water off I had time to examine the faulty part and concluded it needed to be replaced. This involved a trip to the hardware store where I purchased the part with no trouble. I suppose I should have asked someone at that time but I neglected to buy the special wrench that’s needed to install the part. So, I can’t blame anyone for the second trip to the hardware store, as it was solely my fault.
Now, as most people know, and now I do too, these parts are located in positions where it is impossible to for any normal human being to reach, much less do whatever it is that needs to be done after you do reach it. So, this involved calling a plumber who agreed to attempt to fit me into his busy schedule.
Eventually two plumbers arrived. One knew how to fix pipe things and the other knew how to write on a clipboard. They smiled and made remarks about this really being a job for a professional and eventually they left and went to another job. I was left with a new garbage disposal, some new gadget for inside the faucet and a bill for one third of the National Debt.
You can see how much of by blog posting time this is consuming, but that wasn’t all.
I went back to the hardware store to see if they were hiring any part-time employees in order to get some money to pay for the leak repair. I got to meet with the manager who was a little punk kid who couldn’t have been more than 60 years old, if that.
He told me they no longer employ octogenarians since the last one had died on the job, thereby clogging the aisles with paramedics and firemen. He said, “We lost more money that day than we saved by hiring him at less than minimum wage.”
So, you get some idea of why I haven’t had time to post much here. In fact, I can’t do very much right now either. I’m expecting the plumbers to return to fix a small leak under the kitchen sink. It’s still there. So I will get this blog posted sometime between 8 and 12, unless they are late.
P.S. They just called. It will be between 1 and 4.
As the saying goes, "The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men gang aft agley." That was the poet, Robert Burns giving his interpretation to, “No matter what you do, it will get screwed up.” (I didn’t take all the English Lit courses for nuttin.)
It all began when She mentioned there might be a small leak under the kitchen sink. She deduced this by the puddle of water there so She thought there “might be” a leak.
Being the man of the house, of course I could fix this. I started by looking under the sink. Sure enough, there was a small puddle of water. Independently I came to the same conclusion. It appeared there was as small leak under the kitchen sink.
I could handle this. First, I needed to go to the garage and get some tools to make the necessary repairs. No problem.
I crawled under the sink and began to make the needed adjustment when I realized that somehow a part had broken and water had spurted all over the place, including directly in my face. After I shut the water off I had time to examine the faulty part and concluded it needed to be replaced. This involved a trip to the hardware store where I purchased the part with no trouble. I suppose I should have asked someone at that time but I neglected to buy the special wrench that’s needed to install the part. So, I can’t blame anyone for the second trip to the hardware store, as it was solely my fault.
Now, as most people know, and now I do too, these parts are located in positions where it is impossible to for any normal human being to reach, much less do whatever it is that needs to be done after you do reach it. So, this involved calling a plumber who agreed to attempt to fit me into his busy schedule.
Eventually two plumbers arrived. One knew how to fix pipe things and the other knew how to write on a clipboard. They smiled and made remarks about this really being a job for a professional and eventually they left and went to another job. I was left with a new garbage disposal, some new gadget for inside the faucet and a bill for one third of the National Debt.
You can see how much of by blog posting time this is consuming, but that wasn’t all.
I went back to the hardware store to see if they were hiring any part-time employees in order to get some money to pay for the leak repair. I got to meet with the manager who was a little punk kid who couldn’t have been more than 60 years old, if that.
He told me they no longer employ octogenarians since the last one had died on the job, thereby clogging the aisles with paramedics and firemen. He said, “We lost more money that day than we saved by hiring him at less than minimum wage.”
So, you get some idea of why I haven’t had time to post much here. In fact, I can’t do very much right now either. I’m expecting the plumbers to return to fix a small leak under the kitchen sink. It’s still there. So I will get this blog posted sometime between 8 and 12, unless they are late.
P.S. They just called. It will be between 1 and 4.
10/29/2004
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!
This is a personal message from me to all you “undecided” people.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!
This electioneering has been going on seriously for months now. What more do you need? Do you plan to go into the booth and make up your mind then?
What’s in there that you don’t know now?
They say this election is so close that you “undecided people” will determine who our next president will be. So, please make up your mind.
You’re scaring me.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!
This electioneering has been going on seriously for months now. What more do you need? Do you plan to go into the booth and make up your mind then?
What’s in there that you don’t know now?
They say this election is so close that you “undecided people” will determine who our next president will be. So, please make up your mind.
You’re scaring me.
Please, at least think about it.
Interesting fact: When I typed my question,
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?”
in MS Word the spelling checker made a suggestion that I should say,
“WHAT THE HELL IS YOU WAITING FOR?”
Maybe that’s the answer.
This is The Old Professor and I approve this message.
Maybe that’s the answer.
This is The Old Professor and I approve this message.
10/28/2004
WHAT A DAY IT HAS BEEN!!
This has been one spooky time and I’m not really sure what it all means.
Last night there was a lunar eclipse. I guess this is a big deal in some circles but it got a big yawn around here.
I was interested to read one columnist in the local paper who pointed out one of the values of observing this eclipse was that it by observing the earth’s shadow there was proof positive that the world was round. Thank God that turns out to be a fact.
Then during this breathtaking event the Boston Red Sox won the World Series of Baseball for the first time in 86 years.
Thank God for that too. I was beginning to get a little bit impatient after the 1946 debacle against these very same St. Louis Cardinals. That was the series where my hero, Ted Williams, arguably the best hitter of all time, only managed to bat .200 and the Red Sox lost in 7 games.
Then this morning, I looked to the east and just as I have always predicted would happen if the Red Sox ever won a World Series, I saw these three Wise Guys, riding on camels and bearing gifts of frankincense and myrrh.
I have no idea why they chose those particular gifts except I suppose the variety of gift selections are fairly sparse in the camel-riding part of the world these days.
By the way, my prediction 'that they would come from the East' wasn’t exactly brilliant. To the West is all ocean and camels are not known for their swimming abilities.
Anyway, they wanted to get a peek at the miracle baby to see what all the fuss was about.
They took one look and left. One of the Wise Guys wanted his myrrh back but the other two talked him out of it.
It was quite a memorable day.
Last night there was a lunar eclipse. I guess this is a big deal in some circles but it got a big yawn around here.
I was interested to read one columnist in the local paper who pointed out one of the values of observing this eclipse was that it by observing the earth’s shadow there was proof positive that the world was round. Thank God that turns out to be a fact.
Then during this breathtaking event the Boston Red Sox won the World Series of Baseball for the first time in 86 years.
Thank God for that too. I was beginning to get a little bit impatient after the 1946 debacle against these very same St. Louis Cardinals. That was the series where my hero, Ted Williams, arguably the best hitter of all time, only managed to bat .200 and the Red Sox lost in 7 games.
Then this morning, I looked to the east and just as I have always predicted would happen if the Red Sox ever won a World Series, I saw these three Wise Guys, riding on camels and bearing gifts of frankincense and myrrh.
I have no idea why they chose those particular gifts except I suppose the variety of gift selections are fairly sparse in the camel-riding part of the world these days.
By the way, my prediction 'that they would come from the East' wasn’t exactly brilliant. To the West is all ocean and camels are not known for their swimming abilities.
Anyway, they wanted to get a peek at the miracle baby to see what all the fuss was about.
They took one look and left. One of the Wise Guys wanted his myrrh back but the other two talked him out of it.
It was quite a memorable day.
10/25/2004
CHINESE ZODIAC
The Chinese culture and many traditions date way back to before the Boston Red Sox won their last World Series. Even before that.
My domestic partner, Jen-Chi, has explained much of this to me but I was surprised when I learned about the Chinese Zodiac.
When I started these blogs and created a profile I was told I was “Born in the year of the boar.”
I had no idea what that meant so I asked and learned a little.
It appears the Chinese celebrate years and name them for animals. They occur in repeating 12-year cycles based on a lunar calendar. Those years start at the Chinese New Year, and this year (2004), the Chinese New Year was either January 21 or January 22 depending upon what time zone you happen to be in at that time.
People born in certain years have certain characteristics. I wanted to know that kind of a person was “Born in the year of the boar”. I found out that person is:
Honest, chivalrous, gallant, with tremendous fortitude, the Boar person is affectionate and kind to loved ones, has a great thirst for knowledge. Boar year people mate well with Rabbit and Ram year people.
I don’t know about that mating with rabbits and rams stuff; I've never tried that. But other than that, isn’t it remarkable that the rest of it is so accurate? Anyone reading that description would know right away that I was the one being described. Remarkable people, these Chinese.
10/24/2004
IRONY
I don’t know why, but every once in awhile a word pops into my mind and I feel I must “look it up” even though I think I know what it means.
Today the word was “ironic”.
I think maybe it applies to my life.
Allow me to explain a little.
I’ve always been fond of using tools.
In high school I took shop courses at a Technical High School.
Then I worked as a tool and die maker.
Then I went on to teach thousands of students to use tools.
I even built a boat. Well, most of a boat.
Then two things happened:
I broke my shoulder and it never healed properly.
On top of that, I got older, but I suspect that didn’t have anything to do with the shoulder.
I had planned on getting older anyway.
But now things are different.
I can pick up a hammer but no longer can hammer.
I can pick up a saw but no longer can saw.
I can pick up a plane but no longer can plane.
I can pickup a screwdriver but no longer can use that either.
Well, at least not very well.
Now that’s ironic.
It’s “3. Poignantly contrary to what was expected or intended.”
Now I have to look up “poignantly”.
poign·ant (poin'yÉ™nt) adj.
1 a. Physically painful: “Keen, poignant agonies seemed to shoot from his neck downward” (Ambrose Bierce).
b. Keenly distressing to the mind or feelings: poignant anxiety. Profoundly moving; touching: a poignant memory. See synonyms at moving.
Yah, that’s it all right, “1b. Keenly distressing to the mind or feelings.”
Or both.
Today the word was “ironic”.
I think maybe it applies to my life.
Allow me to explain a little.
I’ve always been fond of using tools.
In high school I took shop courses at a Technical High School.
Then I worked as a tool and die maker.
Then I went on to teach thousands of students to use tools.
I even built a boat. Well, most of a boat.
Then two things happened:
I broke my shoulder and it never healed properly.
On top of that, I got older, but I suspect that didn’t have anything to do with the shoulder.
I had planned on getting older anyway.
But now things are different.
I can pick up a hammer but no longer can hammer.
I can pick up a saw but no longer can saw.
I can pick up a plane but no longer can plane.
I can pickup a screwdriver but no longer can use that either.
Well, at least not very well.
Now that’s ironic.
It’s “3. Poignantly contrary to what was expected or intended.”
Now I have to look up “poignantly”.
poign·ant (poin'yÉ™nt) adj.
1 a. Physically painful: “Keen, poignant agonies seemed to shoot from his neck downward” (Ambrose Bierce).
b. Keenly distressing to the mind or feelings: poignant anxiety. Profoundly moving; touching: a poignant memory. See synonyms at moving.
Yah, that’s it all right, “1b. Keenly distressing to the mind or feelings.”
Or both.
10/23/2004
A BEAUTIFUL SUNRISE
While walking early this morning I saw one of the most beautiful sunrises I’ve ever seen. The sky was baby-blue, streaked with a few pure white jet trails. Also featured were a few rows of lamb’s wool clouds that were tinted with enough pink to almost be red. I wished I had brought my camera.
It made me think of The Bible where it says, “God hath created beauty to celebrate and rejoice in all things wondrous”(John: 9:15)
I wondered what “wondrous” thing was about to happen. Then I remembered an old poem I'd heard many years ago:
Red sky in the morning,
St. Louis take warning.
Red sky at night,
Cardinals' delight.
Tonight the world series opens!
St. Louis take warning.
Red sky at night,
Cardinals' delight.
Tonight the world series opens!
Go Red Sox!!
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