I haven’t written any blogs for awhile. I suppose that’s because I haven’t noticed anything worth alerting you about. Until today, that is.
Here in the Western United States we have been bombarded with short television spots advertising assistance with income tax problems. One of these seen often is a pretty, blond lady by the name of Roni Lynn Deuthch, pronounced “doi-tch”. She offers to help anyone who has trouble with income taxes. During the segment other happy people pop up and say things like, “Ronnie save me eight hundred thousand dollars.” or “I’m glad I went to Ronnie or we would be penniless.”
While this goes on I noticed a message streaming rapidly across the bottom of the screen but it’s much too fast to read. My television setup happens to have a recording function so I recorded the message and played it back in slow motion. I then dictated the message to a gadget I have that records what I say and I was able to get the complete message. This is it:
This lawyer advertisement for services is offered by Roni Lynn Deutch, a professional tax corporation, 4815 Wall Street, North Highlands, CA 95860. Our attorneys are licensed by the State Bar of California to practice before the Internal Revenue Service in all 50 states. The services advertised may be for performed by lawyers other than Ms. Deutsch. No representation is made that the quality of the services or that the services are better than those performed by others. Testimonials or endorsements do not constitute a guarantee, warranty or prediction regarding the outcome of a particular matter. Past successes cannot be an assurance of future successes because each case must be decided on its own merits. Background information available on request. Not certified as an expert or specialist in New Mexico, Missouri, Rhode Island or in any other state. The State Bar of Nevada and the Wisconsin State Bar do not certify any lawyer as a specialist or expert. Anyone considering a lawyer should independently investigate the lawyer’s credentials and abilities and not rely upon advertising or self-proclaimed expertise.
Did you happen to catch the line that said, “Not certified as an expert or specialist in New Mexico, Missouri, Rhode Island or in any other state.”? What is that all about? “Or in any other state”?
Lawyers!
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
July 23, 2009
7/23/2009
6/23/2009
SEX USED FOR POWER?
There was an article in this morning’s paper that caught my eye.
“Carmel city leader used sex for power, suit alleges”
I found this especially interesting because I had been contemplating installing some panels and using solar energy for power. I had never thought of this angle.
It turns out that there was someone suing a city manager because he “allegedly” gave special favors to younger attractive women.
Can you imagine that such a thing could happen?
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 23,2009
“Carmel city leader used sex for power, suit alleges”
I found this especially interesting because I had been contemplating installing some panels and using solar energy for power. I had never thought of this angle.
It turns out that there was someone suing a city manager because he “allegedly” gave special favors to younger attractive women.
Can you imagine that such a thing could happen?
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 23,2009
6/07/2009
A POSSIBLE EQUIPMENT ADDITION
The other day I happened to park my car in one of those unusual parking spaces. It was a narrow street and cars were parked on each side at a 90 degree angle. It makes it difficult to back out but I have a rear view mirror plus another one on each side. I also have a backup camera which shows what’s directly behind me and of course I can always look out the rear window.
Yet, this time I started to slowly back out and felt all was going to be all right until I looked out the front window and saw a woman on the sidewalk who looked like this.
I slammed on my brakes and the other car did too. Our bumpers just kissed.
I’m wondering if there couldn’t be some way for this lady to be standard equipment. Possibly as a hood ornament?
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 07, 2009
Yet, this time I started to slowly back out and felt all was going to be all right until I looked out the front window and saw a woman on the sidewalk who looked like this.
I slammed on my brakes and the other car did too. Our bumpers just kissed.
I’m wondering if there couldn’t be some way for this lady to be standard equipment. Possibly as a hood ornament?
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 07, 2009
6/06/2009
A FRIEND IN THE GARAGE
When I was teaching I had occasion to make thousands of “Instruction Sheets”. These were step-by-step instructions for doing a particular task and it was important they be extremely detailed and impossible to misunderstand. I haven’t done this in years but will try one here that you might find interesting.
INTRODUCTION
Many people lack good depth perception and this often results in hitting the back wall when driving the car into the garage. THARP, (The Home Accident Reporting Agency), announced last year that a new record of 35,664 garages in 38 different countries were damaged this way.
Many people have discovered the HTB (Hanging Tennis Ball) method which helps even though it looks bit silly to see a tennis ball hanging in midair when there is no car in the garage. I have developed a special HTB that helps with that.
Step 1
Get an old tennis ball and find some way to hang it from some higher spot in the garage. I used a screw-eye and string.
Locate it so the ball just touches the windshield when the car is parked in the proper space.
Step 2
Get a felt pen and draw a Smiley face on the ball.
To further enhance the appearance go to Step 3
Step 3
Find some fuzzy material and cut out eyebrows that will be above the eyes you drew on the tennis ball. I used the fuzzy half of a bit of black Velcro® but it’s important that they be above the eyes of the HTB as it is hanging.
Step 4
Fasten eyebrows on Smiley’s Face ON THE TENNIS BALL
Step 5
Use 2 white pins used for dressmaking to create the pupils of Smiley’s eyes. Use 1 pin in each of THE EYES YOU DREW ON THE TENNIS BALL.
Step 6
Insert a red thumb tack between the eyes and the mouth to serve as Smiley’s nose ON THE TENNIS BALL.
Step 7
Step back and be prepared for the compliments you will receive. If, by some rare chance, you don’t receive any compliments let me know. I’ll send you a compliment.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 06, 2009
INTRODUCTION
Many people lack good depth perception and this often results in hitting the back wall when driving the car into the garage. THARP, (The Home Accident Reporting Agency), announced last year that a new record of 35,664 garages in 38 different countries were damaged this way.
Many people have discovered the HTB (Hanging Tennis Ball) method which helps even though it looks bit silly to see a tennis ball hanging in midair when there is no car in the garage. I have developed a special HTB that helps with that.
Step 1
Get an old tennis ball and find some way to hang it from some higher spot in the garage. I used a screw-eye and string.
Locate it so the ball just touches the windshield when the car is parked in the proper space.Step 2
Get a felt pen and draw a Smiley face on the ball.
To further enhance the appearance go to Step 3Step 3
Find some fuzzy material and cut out eyebrows that will be above the eyes you drew on the tennis ball. I used the fuzzy half of a bit of black Velcro® but it’s important that they be above the eyes of the HTB as it is hanging.
Step 4
Fasten eyebrows on Smiley’s Face ON THE TENNIS BALL
Step 5Use 2 white pins used for dressmaking to create the pupils of Smiley’s eyes. Use 1 pin in each of THE EYES YOU DREW ON THE TENNIS BALL.
Step 6Insert a red thumb tack between the eyes and the mouth to serve as Smiley’s nose ON THE TENNIS BALL.
Step 7Step back and be prepared for the compliments you will receive. If, by some rare chance, you don’t receive any compliments let me know. I’ll send you a compliment.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 06, 2009
6/05/2009
CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER
Curiouser and curiouser?
If one reads Alice in Wonderland one would find this line:
“'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English).”
Yesterday I posted a blog where I apologized for offending anyone with something I had written and I received an unusually large number of responses encouraging me and I appreciated that. However, my original critic also posted another comment. I have no idea why she would want to revisit a place that offended her so but she did leave another comment which ended with, “Overly sensitive greetings from Germany!”
Now here is another unusual thing. As some of you know I am 86 years old and as such have probably read a million or more sentences and have composed a few hundred thousand more and that is the first time I have ever seen the words “sensitive” and “Germany” in the same sentence.
Curiouser and curiouser.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 05, 2009
Footnote: Please don’t think I believe that it’s impossible for the words “Germany” and “sensitive” to go together. It’s just that I’ve never seen it. The combination probably has been made several times, someplace.
If one reads Alice in Wonderland one would find this line:
“'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English).”
Yesterday I posted a blog where I apologized for offending anyone with something I had written and I received an unusually large number of responses encouraging me and I appreciated that. However, my original critic also posted another comment. I have no idea why she would want to revisit a place that offended her so but she did leave another comment which ended with, “Overly sensitive greetings from Germany!”
Now here is another unusual thing. As some of you know I am 86 years old and as such have probably read a million or more sentences and have composed a few hundred thousand more and that is the first time I have ever seen the words “sensitive” and “Germany” in the same sentence.
Curiouser and curiouser.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 05, 2009
Footnote: Please don’t think I believe that it’s impossible for the words “Germany” and “sensitive” to go together. It’s just that I’ve never seen it. The combination probably has been made several times, someplace.
6/04/2009
AN APOLOGY
I had something happen to me that I found unusual.
I posted a blog and almost immediately received a comment from a lady who found it very offensive. Since it is certainly not my desire to offend anyone I removed it immediately. Of course, I had no way to apologize to this anonymous lady.
I had, playfully I thought, proposed that the exercise equipment we know as a treadmill was inherently evil and based on a recent infant death in the news, I proposed the elimination of the treadmill and even had “Wanted” poster offering a reward.
I thought it mildly humorous and certainly not offensive but I’ve learned if someone perceives it as offensive it is, of course, offensive. If there are others out there who found it to be so, I apologize to them too.
I also sympathize with them. It must be tough living in today’s world with such a sensitive attitude.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 04, 2009
I posted a blog and almost immediately received a comment from a lady who found it very offensive. Since it is certainly not my desire to offend anyone I removed it immediately. Of course, I had no way to apologize to this anonymous lady.
I had, playfully I thought, proposed that the exercise equipment we know as a treadmill was inherently evil and based on a recent infant death in the news, I proposed the elimination of the treadmill and even had “Wanted” poster offering a reward.
I thought it mildly humorous and certainly not offensive but I’ve learned if someone perceives it as offensive it is, of course, offensive. If there are others out there who found it to be so, I apologize to them too.
I also sympathize with them. It must be tough living in today’s world with such a sensitive attitude.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 04, 2009
5/29/2009
T-Bone or not T-Bone
The other day I was watching the TV news and saw where another man had been freed from prison after 23 years because DNA proved he was innocent of the crime he had been serving time for.
A small group of friends and supporters met him outside the prison gate and took him directly to a restaurant where, for the first time in 23 years, he had a T-bone steak.
That's not the way I would have done it.
If I were to be freed after 23 years of never having had any contact with a T-bone steak or a female, I would want my friends to drive me directly to one of those houses were you can pay to get in close contact with a female.
I would ask my friends to wait for me in the car.
It wouldn't take long.
Then we could go for the T-Bone.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 29, 2009
A small group of friends and supporters met him outside the prison gate and took him directly to a restaurant where, for the first time in 23 years, he had a T-bone steak.
That's not the way I would have done it.
If I were to be freed after 23 years of never having had any contact with a T-bone steak or a female, I would want my friends to drive me directly to one of those houses were you can pay to get in close contact with a female.
I would ask my friends to wait for me in the car.
It wouldn't take long.
Then we could go for the T-Bone.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 29, 2009
5/28/2009
BAD HAIRCUTS AND WORLD AFFAIRS
There is an old saying that is attributed to the poet and philosopher George Santayana: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
I think of that when I see the news these days. I suppose there are fewer people every day who actually recall 1939 when Germany’s Adolph Hitler invaded Poland but I recall many things about those days and some of it reminds me of things going on today.
First, there is the haircut. Adolph Hitler had a lousy barber and his hair always looked strange when compared to other world leaders.
It seems to be the same with Kim Jong Il, North Korea’s leader.
I wonder if having a goofy hair style leads to doing goofy things like having the soldiers march in a strange way. Hitler had his troops do what we called “The Goose Step.”
Kin Jonh Il seems to have his own way or is he trying to emulate Hitler?
There also seem to be several other similarities not the least of which is telling the rest of the world one thing and doing the opposite with no apology at all. I wonder if there is some connection.
Hitler died in 1945 and Kim Jong Il had been born 4 years earlier so that rules out reincarnation, which is just as well because I don’t believe in that anyway.
I suppose it's theoretically possible that Kim Jong Il might possibly be the illegitimate son of ... Nah, that's silly.
But yet it is strange there are so many similarities. I wonder what harbor Kim Jong Il will bomb before we decide to pay serious attention.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 28, 2009
I think of that when I see the news these days. I suppose there are fewer people every day who actually recall 1939 when Germany’s Adolph Hitler invaded Poland but I recall many things about those days and some of it reminds me of things going on today.
First, there is the haircut. Adolph Hitler had a lousy barber and his hair always looked strange when compared to other world leaders.
It seems to be the same with Kim Jong Il, North Korea’s leader.
I wonder if having a goofy hair style leads to doing goofy things like having the soldiers march in a strange way. Hitler had his troops do what we called “The Goose Step.”
Kin Jonh Il seems to have his own way or is he trying to emulate Hitler?
There also seem to be several other similarities not the least of which is telling the rest of the world one thing and doing the opposite with no apology at all. I wonder if there is some connection.
Hitler died in 1945 and Kim Jong Il had been born 4 years earlier so that rules out reincarnation, which is just as well because I don’t believe in that anyway.
I suppose it's theoretically possible that Kim Jong Il might possibly be the illegitimate son of ... Nah, that's silly.
But yet it is strange there are so many similarities. I wonder what harbor Kim Jong Il will bomb before we decide to pay serious attention.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 28, 2009
4/26/2009
AMAZING TECHNICAL SUPPORT
It has been a couple of weeks since I posted my last blog. This is probably due to a combination of a couple of things. It's entirely possible that I may have commented on everything in the world and there is nothing left that amuses me. But this is doubtful. I just haven't had anything major happened in my life that was worth blogging about -- until now.
For many years I have used a software program called Almanac. It is essentially a calendar program and each time I turn my computer on a calendar fills my screen showing holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and even doctor's appointments. However, I moved to a new computer using a new operating system and I couldn't find a way to install my Almanac program. After much searching I found the author of the program had retired it and in its place there was a new program called Einstime. That is Einstime not Einstein, as in Albert Einstein. The new program is very elegant and has many more features. The only problem was that I had trouble entering my personal information. So I sent an e-mail to Technical Support.
I received a prompt answer (like in about an hour) and, as it turned out, it was from the author of the software. His name is Leonard Gray. I was surprised to receive a personal note instead of some automated message. In addition, he offered to call me on the telephone and walk me through the problem. So, I sent him my number and, within an hour, he called me. He knew exactly what the problem was and while I was at my computer he guided me step-by-step until the program worked perfectly.
I was amazed! Not only is Einstime a very elegant program but now it works exactly the way I want it to work and I could not be happier. In all my years of dealing with Technical Support going back to 1982 I never have experienced anything like that.
If you have any need for such a program, and almost everyone does, I wholeheartedly suggest that you go to http://www.einstime.com/ and take a look. He offers a free trial period before purchasing and the price is very reasonable. And, most importantly, if you get in trouble you can rely on getting REAL help.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 26, 2009
For many years I have used a software program called Almanac. It is essentially a calendar program and each time I turn my computer on a calendar fills my screen showing holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and even doctor's appointments. However, I moved to a new computer using a new operating system and I couldn't find a way to install my Almanac program. After much searching I found the author of the program had retired it and in its place there was a new program called Einstime. That is Einstime not Einstein, as in Albert Einstein. The new program is very elegant and has many more features. The only problem was that I had trouble entering my personal information. So I sent an e-mail to Technical Support.
I received a prompt answer (like in about an hour) and, as it turned out, it was from the author of the software. His name is Leonard Gray. I was surprised to receive a personal note instead of some automated message. In addition, he offered to call me on the telephone and walk me through the problem. So, I sent him my number and, within an hour, he called me. He knew exactly what the problem was and while I was at my computer he guided me step-by-step until the program worked perfectly.
I was amazed! Not only is Einstime a very elegant program but now it works exactly the way I want it to work and I could not be happier. In all my years of dealing with Technical Support going back to 1982 I never have experienced anything like that.
If you have any need for such a program, and almost everyone does, I wholeheartedly suggest that you go to http://www.einstime.com/ and take a look. He offers a free trial period before purchasing and the price is very reasonable. And, most importantly, if you get in trouble you can rely on getting REAL help.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 26, 2009
4/03/2009
DEAR MR. PRESIDENT
Dear Mr. President,
I saw one of your many television appearances when you were in London recently.
I'm sure I heard you say, "Next month me and my cabinet will ..."
"Next month me and my cabinet will ..."?
Now, what will happen if your cabinet doesn't show up? "Me" will do it alone?
Respectfully, Sir, as much as I admire your devotion to your children, I think you've been spending too much time with them. That's the way kids talk!
"My cabinet and I will ..."
"My cabinet and I will ..."
Mr. Obama, you are one of the leaders of the free world.
You should learn to talk gooder.
The Old Professor
Carmel, California
April 3, 2009
I saw one of your many television appearances when you were in London recently.
I'm sure I heard you say, "Next month me and my cabinet will ..."
"Next month me and my cabinet will ..."?
Now, what will happen if your cabinet doesn't show up? "Me" will do it alone?
Respectfully, Sir, as much as I admire your devotion to your children, I think you've been spending too much time with them. That's the way kids talk!
"My cabinet and I will ..."
"My cabinet and I will ..."
Mr. Obama, you are one of the leaders of the free world.
You should learn to talk gooder.
The Old Professor
Carmel, California
April 3, 2009
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