I suppose many people think much as I did, that is that retired professors spend most of their time being retired. I mean, smoking a pipe, reading a book and going, "Harumph!" a lot. I have no idea where that idea comes from as it certainly doesn't fit me at all.
As an example, the other day I got the assignment to do the grocery shopping. This was fine as far as I was concerned, because I consider myself very skilled at this task and it doesn't take me very long. Some other people I know, who will remain nameless, take hours to accomplish what should take minutes. Two days ago I accomplished the grocery shopping for the whole week in less than 15 minutes. I will admit that isn't the complete story.
This is the complete story: I was given a list of items needed. I drove to the grocery store and went about my usual efficient way of gathering these up. I took a shopping cart and headed to the fruits and vegetables section, quickly making my selections and moving on to the other sections. I didn't actually time it but I think I was in and out in my usual 15 minutes. However, when I arrived home I noticed there were some unusual things in my collection of groceries. They seemed to be things I hadn't purchased and, to my mind, they were a bit unusual. For example, there were 2 bananas and I knew I had purchased 10 bananas, at least. There was one lone potato. Who buys one potato? Then there were 2 carrots and I had no recollection of buying any carrots. Nor had I purchased a bunch of asparagus and a clump of broccoli. This person may have been a grocery thief but he or she probably was a very healthy grocery thief.
It finally dawned on me that some nefarious person had stolen my grocery cart and substituted their cart. I have no idea why anyone would want to do such a thing. I tried to think back when this might have happened and think I have it figured out. As I was leaving the house to go shopping I was told to try and find some "ginger root". Not being exactly sure what that was I picked up some gnarly root thing and took it to a man working in that department who verified that it was indeed ginger root. I left my shopping cart unguarded. I imagined it was at that time that this person, who had probably been lurking nearby and quickly grabbed my shopping card and substituted his or hers.
Of course, using hindsight, it's easy to wonder why I hadn't noticed the difference as I was checking out and unfortunately I have no answer for that except to add that to the list of things that old retired professors do.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 25, 2009
2/25/2009
2/23/2009
I AM BACK
First allow me to offer my apologies for having been gone so long. I appreciate the several people who wrote to me saying I was missed. That felt nice. But, as the kids say, it wasn't my fault. The dog ate my computer.
Here's how it happened and perhaps you might benefit from my experience. I started one of those software programs that promises to fix the registry so your computer runs faster than God's. Maybe it would have worked, I'll never know. Running the program takes considerable time. During that time we had a power failure. I should have guessed it might happen as we have many pine trees around here. Pine trees have shallow roots. When it rains trees with shallow roots tend to fall over. They often hit power lines. The ALWAYS hit our power line.
After several hours the power was restored but the computer wouldn't run properly. At first I was unconcerned because, in case you didn't know, Windows has a System Restore program where you merely pick a previous date that you want the computer configured to and there's no problem. I've used the program several times with no problem. This time when I went to do this there were no previous times to restore to - none! There also were no drivers, no internet connection, no printer and in short, no nuttin'.
Because restoring it was clearly beyond my skill level and taking it to a repair shop was bound to be costly I decided to investigate buying a new computer. In the United States and perhaps elsewhere, there is a giant electronics retailer called Circuit City. They recently declared bankruptcy but as I drove by their store I saw the door was open. I went in and found they were selling everything including the shelves on the wall. The computer department only had 3 units left. They were all the same Hewlett-Packard model and it was exactly what I had been thinking of buying but at a huge discount. So that's what I have now and am going through the steps of setting it up.
As I look at the many things I want to install or move from my previous computer I'm led to think of the Bible. Isn't that what happened when people tended to overdo things? I'm just glad this particular divine intervention only included a tree and a power line instead of the full 40 days and 40 nights thing. I'm too old for that.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 23, 2009
Here's how it happened and perhaps you might benefit from my experience. I started one of those software programs that promises to fix the registry so your computer runs faster than God's. Maybe it would have worked, I'll never know. Running the program takes considerable time. During that time we had a power failure. I should have guessed it might happen as we have many pine trees around here. Pine trees have shallow roots. When it rains trees with shallow roots tend to fall over. They often hit power lines. The ALWAYS hit our power line.
After several hours the power was restored but the computer wouldn't run properly. At first I was unconcerned because, in case you didn't know, Windows has a System Restore program where you merely pick a previous date that you want the computer configured to and there's no problem. I've used the program several times with no problem. This time when I went to do this there were no previous times to restore to - none! There also were no drivers, no internet connection, no printer and in short, no nuttin'.
Because restoring it was clearly beyond my skill level and taking it to a repair shop was bound to be costly I decided to investigate buying a new computer. In the United States and perhaps elsewhere, there is a giant electronics retailer called Circuit City. They recently declared bankruptcy but as I drove by their store I saw the door was open. I went in and found they were selling everything including the shelves on the wall. The computer department only had 3 units left. They were all the same Hewlett-Packard model and it was exactly what I had been thinking of buying but at a huge discount. So that's what I have now and am going through the steps of setting it up.
As I look at the many things I want to install or move from my previous computer I'm led to think of the Bible. Isn't that what happened when people tended to overdo things? I'm just glad this particular divine intervention only included a tree and a power line instead of the full 40 days and 40 nights thing. I'm too old for that.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 23, 2009
1/23/2009
ADVICE FOR YOUNG MEN ONLY
It occurred to me that I have a gender specific message here. I think this is mostly for young males. Females of all ages may leave the room now.
Listen up young men, especially those of you who have not yet committed to a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. There is a tactic, a trick if you will, that is employed by almost all women and if you are not aware of it you may find yourself in the position I am in and have found myself in before.
In the early stages of your relationship you will certainly establish certain things in a relationship that you will find are irreversible. Allow me to enlighten you.
Somewhere along the line, you will find that your lady will approach you with a statement similar to this: "Here let me do that. Men don't know how to fill in the blank."
Now, of course, you know how to fill in the blank and you want the love of your life to know that you are certainly capable of filling in the blank. And for sure you do not want to be classified with "all men." So here is where you might make your big mistake.
Suppose, for example, that the chore at hand is making making a bed. Now, any moron can make a bed. In fact, when I was in the U.S.Navy it seemed to be just as important that I learn to make a bed as it was to fly an airplane. However, and here listen carefully men, this is where you must make your stand. Be sure to agree with her. One of the tactics is to protest strongly saying things like, "I certainly know how to make a bed." (Another usable phrase is, "Of course, how hard can it be?") Then go on to make the biggest mess of bed making that has ever been seen.
When she says, "Here let me do that." Be sure to hang your head sheepishly and say something like, "I thought I could. It doesn’t look that hard". And you might even toss in a, “Wow! How do you do that so easily?”
If she offers to show you how, eagerly accept but, whatever you do, don’t show any evidence of even the slightest aptitude for the chore. This is not always easy to do without being obvious. (Hint: If you have a chance beforehand, you might practice the sheepish look in front of a bathroom mirror. Be sure the door is locked so nobody walks in and finds you practicing. I hate it when that happens)
Now, if you choose to ignore this advice, believe me, you will spend the rest of your life making beds. Trust me; I speak from first-hand experience.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 23, 2009
Listen up young men, especially those of you who have not yet committed to a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. There is a tactic, a trick if you will, that is employed by almost all women and if you are not aware of it you may find yourself in the position I am in and have found myself in before.
In the early stages of your relationship you will certainly establish certain things in a relationship that you will find are irreversible. Allow me to enlighten you.
Somewhere along the line, you will find that your lady will approach you with a statement similar to this: "Here let me do that. Men don't know how to fill in the blank."
Now, of course, you know how to fill in the blank and you want the love of your life to know that you are certainly capable of filling in the blank. And for sure you do not want to be classified with "all men." So here is where you might make your big mistake.
Suppose, for example, that the chore at hand is making making a bed. Now, any moron can make a bed. In fact, when I was in the U.S.Navy it seemed to be just as important that I learn to make a bed as it was to fly an airplane. However, and here listen carefully men, this is where you must make your stand. Be sure to agree with her. One of the tactics is to protest strongly saying things like, "I certainly know how to make a bed." (Another usable phrase is, "Of course, how hard can it be?") Then go on to make the biggest mess of bed making that has ever been seen.
When she says, "Here let me do that." Be sure to hang your head sheepishly and say something like, "I thought I could. It doesn’t look that hard". And you might even toss in a, “Wow! How do you do that so easily?”
If she offers to show you how, eagerly accept but, whatever you do, don’t show any evidence of even the slightest aptitude for the chore. This is not always easy to do without being obvious. (Hint: If you have a chance beforehand, you might practice the sheepish look in front of a bathroom mirror. Be sure the door is locked so nobody walks in and finds you practicing. I hate it when that happens)
Now, if you choose to ignore this advice, believe me, you will spend the rest of your life making beds. Trust me; I speak from first-hand experience.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 23, 2009
1/18/2009
A PARENTHETICAL PRESIDENT?
As just about every everyone knows, we, in the United States, will have new president soon. Personally, I am delighted and look forward to Barack Obama sitting in the Oval Office. However, there is one minor thing bothering me. I hear many people saying something similar to, "I never thought I would live long enough to see a black president."
I certainly hope that history will show the many attributes the man has other than the color of his skin. Regardless of his performance as president, he certainly should not be a parenthetical president. That is, I hope we all will be able to think of him as "Barack Obama, 44th president" instead of "Barack Obama, 44th president (Black)".
Personally, I really don't care if our president is black, green, purple or, believe it or not, even pink. If for some reason, the parentheses are required, I would hope it might say, "44th president, (Smart)" or "44th president, (Intelligent)".
That would be novel.
The Old Professor
Carmel, California
January 18, 2008
I certainly hope that history will show the many attributes the man has other than the color of his skin. Regardless of his performance as president, he certainly should not be a parenthetical president. That is, I hope we all will be able to think of him as "Barack Obama, 44th president" instead of "Barack Obama, 44th president (Black)".
Personally, I really don't care if our president is black, green, purple or, believe it or not, even pink. If for some reason, the parentheses are required, I would hope it might say, "44th president, (Smart)" or "44th president, (Intelligent)".
That would be novel.
The Old Professor
Carmel, California
January 18, 2008
1/17/2009
IF I WERE PRESIDENT
I suppose many people have fantasized as to what they might do if they found themselves elected president of the United States. My particular fantasy has me sitting in the Oval Office and the first thing I do is call in the PICODS. (That's Person In Charge Of Doing Stuff.) I would ask, no, I would command, to see all of the top-secret papers regarding UFOs. I'm not sure what I would do after that, but probably issue an order that these records be removed from the Top Secret category so everyone can see, once and for all, what nonsense most of that stuff is..
Then I would issue an order to have the highest-ranking officer in the United States Navy report to my office on the double. When he arrived, I would pretend to be busy doing something. If this officer relaxed in anyway, I would shout, "Stand at attention!" After some time, I would look at him carefully and tell him that he needed a haircut. Then I would simply say, "Dismissed!"
Then I think I would finally be even with something that has rankled me since 1944. At that time, I had just enlisted in the Navy and the first Sunday morning there was a formal dress inspection. That is when I received demerits for "Needing a haircut." I wouldn't have minded that except I had been to the barber Friday evening. However, during the formal inspection we were required to stand at attention, and there was no way I could discuss this. As a result, that afternoon my visiting parents watched while I spent an hour marching around with a stupid wooden rifle on my shoulder. A fine way to start my Navy career. However, if I ever get elected to president I'll be able to erase that from my mind and call it even.
I do realize, if I am to be elected president I would need to get started soon and stop wasting my time writing blogs.
The Old Professor
January 17, 2009.
Carnel, California
Then I would issue an order to have the highest-ranking officer in the United States Navy report to my office on the double. When he arrived, I would pretend to be busy doing something. If this officer relaxed in anyway, I would shout, "Stand at attention!" After some time, I would look at him carefully and tell him that he needed a haircut. Then I would simply say, "Dismissed!"
Then I think I would finally be even with something that has rankled me since 1944. At that time, I had just enlisted in the Navy and the first Sunday morning there was a formal dress inspection. That is when I received demerits for "Needing a haircut." I wouldn't have minded that except I had been to the barber Friday evening. However, during the formal inspection we were required to stand at attention, and there was no way I could discuss this. As a result, that afternoon my visiting parents watched while I spent an hour marching around with a stupid wooden rifle on my shoulder. A fine way to start my Navy career. However, if I ever get elected to president I'll be able to erase that from my mind and call it even.
I do realize, if I am to be elected president I would need to get started soon and stop wasting my time writing blogs.
The Old Professor
January 17, 2009.
Carnel, California
1/03/2009
MARILYN MONROE AND STUFF LIKE THAT
I can’t say I’ve always been a movie fan but I can’t help admiring Marilyn Monroe.
After all, who wouldn’t look up to someone who married the baseball immortal Joe DiMaggio and also married a literary giant, Arthur Miller?
I even read some quotations of hers that were somewhat memorable.
For example, “If I’d observed all the rules, I’d never have got anywhere.”
Okay, she so never was a master of the English language but who cares; I still looked up to her.
Thousands of you. well at least some of you, have asked about my picture in the profile you see to the right. Many have asked that, since I was looking up, what was I looking at?
I honestly don't know.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 3, 2009
After all, who wouldn’t look up to someone who married the baseball immortal Joe DiMaggio and also married a literary giant, Arthur Miller?
I even read some quotations of hers that were somewhat memorable.
For example, “If I’d observed all the rules, I’d never have got anywhere.”
Okay, she so never was a master of the English language but who cares; I still looked up to her.
Thousands of you. well at least some of you, have asked about my picture in the profile you see to the right. Many have asked that, since I was looking up, what was I looking at?
I honestly don't know.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 3, 2009
12/31/2008
HAPPY YOU-KNOW-WHAT!
To be serious for just a moment.
The past year has been a long one in some ways and short in others. One of the things I realize is that I am now almost 86 years old. With a background of booze, cigarettes and obesity I never would have guessed I would see this year. I am very, very grateful, especially to the love of my life, Jen-Chi. I couldn't have done it without her nor would I want to.
I also take close note of the many, many friends I have been fortunate enough to meet online. That has been wonderful and I wish every one of you a very happy new year.
If I don't see you before, I hope to meet you here a year from now. The "hope" part pertains to you. I'll be here.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December 31, 2008
The past year has been a long one in some ways and short in others. One of the things I realize is that I am now almost 86 years old. With a background of booze, cigarettes and obesity I never would have guessed I would see this year. I am very, very grateful, especially to the love of my life, Jen-Chi. I couldn't have done it without her nor would I want to.
I also take close note of the many, many friends I have been fortunate enough to meet online. That has been wonderful and I wish every one of you a very happy new year.
If I don't see you before, I hope to meet you here a year from now. The "hope" part pertains to you. I'll be here.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December 31, 2008
12/30/2008
READ THE FINE PRINT!
I realize, when compared with the population of any continent, there are relatively few people who stop by here to read whatever nonsense I might have to say. Even so, I never have used this platform to advance any particular viewpoint. But I’d like to make an exception and pass along my version of an online adventure I am currently in that might help others.
Some time back I saw an internet ad for free samples of a diet drink called Slim Easy Pro. In the ad there appeared to be cans of one of those “substitute it for a meal” drinks. They offered to send me a 2-week supply for free. Why not?
So the 2-week supply arrived and it was a jar of a powder that was to be mixed with water or most any other liquid.
As often seems to happen to me, I didn’t get around to actually trying it when another 2 jars showed up – another 30-day supply! Then I noticed my credit card was charged for $88.97! Investigation showed me that I had agreed to try the product and if I didn’t cancel within 20 days I would be automatically enrolled in "the program" which would send me a 30-day supply every month -- for $88.97.
As of this date I have received no satisfaction when I e-mailed a protest. I do admit I didn’t read the fine print closely enough and I’m willing to be penalized for that but not to the tune of $88.97.
So, all my friends (and the rest of you also), be careful out there. I have a hunch I’m going to end up wasting a bunch of money here so be sure to read the fine print before you agree to anything, especially if you're dealing with Slim Easy Pro.
Lots of luck.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December 30, 2008
Some time back I saw an internet ad for free samples of a diet drink called Slim Easy Pro. In the ad there appeared to be cans of one of those “substitute it for a meal” drinks. They offered to send me a 2-week supply for free. Why not?
So the 2-week supply arrived and it was a jar of a powder that was to be mixed with water or most any other liquid.
As often seems to happen to me, I didn’t get around to actually trying it when another 2 jars showed up – another 30-day supply! Then I noticed my credit card was charged for $88.97! Investigation showed me that I had agreed to try the product and if I didn’t cancel within 20 days I would be automatically enrolled in "the program" which would send me a 30-day supply every month -- for $88.97.
As of this date I have received no satisfaction when I e-mailed a protest. I do admit I didn’t read the fine print closely enough and I’m willing to be penalized for that but not to the tune of $88.97.
So, all my friends (and the rest of you also), be careful out there. I have a hunch I’m going to end up wasting a bunch of money here so be sure to read the fine print before you agree to anything, especially if you're dealing with Slim Easy Pro.
Lots of luck.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December 30, 2008
12/29/2008
CONFESSION IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL
I feel that in all honesty I should correct something I wrote in the blog I posted yesterday, December28, 2008. At that time I mentioned one of my children asking about how much a dozen cookies cost and I explained how I walked her through the solution so she would always be able to figure it out herself.
Well, I’m ashamed to admit that was not exactly true.
I recall the event clearly. She asked me, “Daddy, do you know how many quarks there are in an atomic nucleus?” (She’s studying physics.)
I replied, “Yes I do but I think it would be better if you looked it up yourself. That way you’ll remember it longer.”
I’m glad to get that off my chest. I feel better now.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December 29, 2008
Well, I’m ashamed to admit that was not exactly true.
I recall the event clearly. She asked me, “Daddy, do you know how many quarks there are in an atomic nucleus?” (She’s studying physics.)
I replied, “Yes I do but I think it would be better if you looked it up yourself. That way you’ll remember it longer.”
I’m glad to get that off my chest. I feel better now.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December 29, 2008
12/28/2008
USING WHAT I LEARNED YEARS AGO
When I was in college, majoring in Education, I recall many courses that more or less were “Methods of Teaching”. The main purpose of these courses was to convince us that teaching was more than standing in front of a class and spewing out information we knew and thought the students didn’t. It turns out to be true. There is much more to it than that and probably the worst teachers are those who fail to get the students involved in the process.
Personally I found that things I learned in those courses were also helpful as a parent. I often ran into something like this:
“Daddy, do you know how much a dozen cookies cost?”
I would say, “Yes and I could tell you but let’s start with what we do know and see if we can figure it out together. Do you know how much the cost of one cookie is?”
“Yes. It’s 10 cents.”
“Good. Now do you know how many cookies there are in a dozen?”
“I think it’s 12.”
“Yes, very good, it is 12.
Then I might say, “Do you know how much 2 cookies would cost?”
“Yes, 20 cents.”
“And 3 cookies?”
“30 cents”
“Now, how did you know that?”
“I times-ed it. 3 times 10 is 30.”
“Good. Very good. Now, using that same method, how would you find how much 12 cookies cost?”
“Times it by 12?”
“Very good”
In spite of the fact it would be much easier to just provide an answer, using this method will enable the child to calculate the cost of a dozen cookies for the rest of his or her life.
I have found there are many times this approach can be used in the adult world too. Just last week I was stopped by a policeman. He came to the car and asked, “Do you know how fast you were driving?”
As a result of my experience I confidently replied, “Yes, I do and I could tell you but let’s start with what we do know and see if we can figure it out together.”
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December 28, 2008
Personally I found that things I learned in those courses were also helpful as a parent. I often ran into something like this:
“Daddy, do you know how much a dozen cookies cost?”
I would say, “Yes and I could tell you but let’s start with what we do know and see if we can figure it out together. Do you know how much the cost of one cookie is?”
“Yes. It’s 10 cents.”
“Good. Now do you know how many cookies there are in a dozen?”
“I think it’s 12.”
“Yes, very good, it is 12.
Then I might say, “Do you know how much 2 cookies would cost?”
“Yes, 20 cents.”
“And 3 cookies?”
“30 cents”
“Now, how did you know that?”
“I times-ed it. 3 times 10 is 30.”
“Good. Very good. Now, using that same method, how would you find how much 12 cookies cost?”
“Times it by 12?”
“Very good”
In spite of the fact it would be much easier to just provide an answer, using this method will enable the child to calculate the cost of a dozen cookies for the rest of his or her life.
I have found there are many times this approach can be used in the adult world too. Just last week I was stopped by a policeman. He came to the car and asked, “Do you know how fast you were driving?”
As a result of my experience I confidently replied, “Yes, I do and I could tell you but let’s start with what we do know and see if we can figure it out together.”
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
December 28, 2008
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