BACK FROM SURGERY - SORT OF

Just a quickee here because several people have asked.

My surgery is finished and it was very successful. That’s the good news. The bad news is that I am going through what most old bodies go though when they have been insulted by being cut open and people doing things inside. I do a lot of sitting around and taking it easy.

During the operation I’m told a blood vessel was nicked and a little internal bleeding took place. That blood naturally went to a lower place and that happened to be in my genital area. So, my male equipment now has some rather amazing colors and even though they are gorgeous combinations of various shades of blue and purple, you will never see them. It’s sort of like a gorgeous sunset. Once you’ve seen it, that’s it -- it’s gone.

Thanks for the good wishes so many of you sent. It’s nice to have people like you care.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 25, 2006

IRAQ SOLUTION -- MAYBE

I had some surgery the other day and, as you might know, strange things sometimes happen in the mind while under, or partially under, anesthesia. I may have come up with a solution to the Iraq situation. In my imagination I could see George Bush inviting Saddam Hussein to the Oval Office for a chat. It could go something like this.

Scene is the Oval Office. President Bush is behind is desk doing the crossword puzzle from TV Guide. He looks up as two Marines escort Saddam Hussein into the office.

George Bush: That’s okay boys just leave him here. He ain’t going nowhere.

The Marines leave.

George Bush: Well, park it Sad. Hope you don’t mind me calling ya Sad but that’s the way we do things in Texas, real friendly like.
Saddam Hussein: **
GB: Well, I’m glad you feel that way because I had something I wanted to talk to you about.
SH:
GB: Good. Well here’s my idea Sad. If I recall right, when you were president, or whatever you called yourself, of Iraq there weren’t many problems.
SH:
GB: Yah, that’s exactly what I mean. Like you had water and electricity and stuff like that didn’t you?
SH:
GB: Well, my idea was to get those things back by me putting you back in charge and then we could get the heck out of there and all would be okay.
SH:
GB: I could even give you a title – call ya Mayor of something like that.
SH:
GB: Oh, that’s all right. I give out titles like that all the time.
SH:
GB: There is one thing Sad. Ya gotta stop killing al those people unless they’re those Usama Bin Laden people.
SH:
GB: And one last thing, Sad. We’re really sorry about that statue thing and I’ll see that we get you an even better one.
SH:
GB: Okay then, it’s a deal. I’ll have Dick Cheney get in touch with you real soon and in no time we will have Iraq where it was before we brought democracy there.
SH:
GB: I agree. It’s a good thing we did today.
SH:

** Translated means “I don’t understand you.”

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 23, 2006

SURGERY TODAY, OH JOY!

This morning I am going though a difficult time. Later this afternoon I am going to be operated on to repair an inguinal hernia so I haven't been allowed to eat anything since midnight. In case you don’t know, an inguinal hernia is a hernia in the inguinal area. If the word is strange to you it means “A distinct part or section”. In other words, I have a hernia in my inguinal section or area.

Still don’t know? OK, the word “hernia” means “The protrusion of an organ or other bodily structure through the wall that normally contains it” In other words, a rupture.

So, simply stated, I am going to have surgery to repair the protrusion of an organ or other bodily structure through the wall that normally contains it in the inguinal part or section of my body.

Do I need to draw you a picture?



That shows the inguinal area but I’ll confess, it’s not actually my body.

I'm sure all will go well. The same surgeon fixed the right side a couple of years ago and that went very well. So all he has to do this afternoon is have some assistant hold up a mirror and do exactly the same thing.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 20, 2006

WHO KNEW?

I just saw the word "sesquipedalian" for the first time. I looked it up. The definition is "A long word". Who knew?

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 17, 2006

THIS MIGHT HELP SOMEONE

Ordinarily I don’t “pass on” e-mail that tells me to pass it on. However, this one might have some value to someone.

During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes (they had offered to call the paramedics). They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00pm, Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ - had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. It only takes a minute to read this and it could save a life.
Recognizing a Stroke
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours, he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and thengetting to the patient within 3 hours that is tough. Recognizing a Stroke Thank God for the sense to remember the "3" steps. Read and Learn! Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

1. *Ask the individual to SMILE.

2. *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

3. *Ask the person to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (coherently) (i.e., "It is sunny out today.").

If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher. After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions. They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke, and help prevent brain damage. A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved. Be a Friend and share this article with as many Friends as possible, you could save their lives or the life of a loved on

Who knows? It might help. It might even help you.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 12, 2006

THE ROSE BOWL AND ME

Watching the famous Rose Bowl football game the other day brought back a special memory for me. It was 1950 something and I was between marriages. The college I worked for somehow was scheduled to play an important football game in the famous Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California. As a faculty member I had two tickets.

I’m not sure how it happened but somehow I ended up inviting three different ladies to accompany me to this game. All accepted. I was sure there would be some dropouts but as the game neared I still had three dates and was very nervous about this. Luckily for me, about this time some divine force interceded and one after another they all had a reason for canceling meaning I was going to attend the game alone. Phew! I had no problem going to the game alone as I knew I would see many of my friends there anyway.

I had never been to the Rose Bowl before and it is huge, seating about 100,000 people.

As I approached the place I saw entrance was gained through various tunnels and my ticket told me that my tunnel was number 35. The place I parked just happened to put me in front of Tunnel 3. To my left I could see evidence of Tunnel 2 and to my right I could see evidence of Tunnel 4. Well, having graduated from college and all, it didn’t take me long to figure out which direction to go to get to Tunnel 35. I went towards Tunnel 4 and past that to Tunnel 5. I continued to do this until I arrived at Tunnel 35, which was one short of Tunnel 36, which was one less than Tunnel 1 that was only 3 tunnels away from where I started!

I spent the first quarter of the game walking around the perimeter of the Rose Bowl. I don’t know the exact distance but at the time my estimate was somewhere between 75 and 150 miles.

This satellite view is from Google and if the picture is old enough you might be able to see me trudging around the outside

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 5, 2006

THANKS, I NEEDED THAT

I came across a wonderful website I want to share with you.

There is a man named Paul English and he has posted an IVR Cheat Sheet. You probably know, even though I didn’t, that IVR is the acronym for Interactive Voice Response. That is where you call a toll-free number to get some information and instead are greeted with a recording asking you to push various buttons.

“Press 1 for sales and 2 for Accounts”
This is often followed by many other “Push This”, “Press That” combinations before you to get to speak with a real human. Often this nonsense can be bypassed.

As an example, if you were to call Northwest Airlines you would hear an introductory greeting. You can then press ”*, 0, 0” to speak to someone directly.

Paul English has listed hundreds of these on his cheat sheet at http://www.paulenglish.com/ivr/. He also has a link to another one of his pages on phone information at http://www.paulenglish.com/phones/

Thanks Paul. I needed that.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 2, 2006