I suppose apologies are in order in case there is someone out there who has been checking my blog site only to find nothing new. It’s just that there’s been almost nothing new in my life -- until now.

Alert: For me to tell of my latest adventure you must at least be able to hear the term "constipation" without fainting.

I had been having some trouble with that so had been hitting the fiber pretty good. This was fine but the other day I needed to go to a medical lab for a routine blood check and I was concerned that I might need to make an emergency run to a rest room. Since I wear a pullover sweater, and suspenders under that, I felt it might delay the process in case I needed to use the facility in a hurry. So, I got rid of the suspenders and put on a belt just in case I might need a quick change. You see, that way pants could be lowered without the necessity of removing the sweater.

I arrived at the lab and went though the check-in spot and then sat down to await my turn. Soon someone called my name There were about a dozen people in the waiting room and apparently I was the only one with that name so, holding my papers in one hand and my cane in the other, I stood up and walked towards the lady.

She said, “Follow me.” And started to walk away.

I said, "Wait. I'm in trouble. My pants are falling down.”

So there I was, holding the papers and the cane in one hand and with the other hand I was trying to pull up my pants which were, by then, around my knees. I don't know if you have ever tried to pull up pants with one hand but it’s not the most efficient way of doing it. Also, my equilibrium isn’t all that great so I was also trying to lean on a nearby counter at the same time.

I finally said, “Will you please help me pull my pants up?” For a moment she looked puzzled as though she had never seen a guy standing in the waiting room with his pants around his knees.

Finally she did help me by crouching down and pulling my pants up using both hands.

The rest of the visit was uneventful. However, as I told the lady who helped me, “You now have a story to tell your grandchildren.”

With the widespread availability of cell phone cameras I fully expected to see my rear end on the 6 o’clock news but I didn't so I guess I missed my fifteen minutes of fame.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
November 26, 2011