Often I seem to see things on television that make me wonder. Lately in USA there is much news about a new government healthcare plan making its way through the legislative channels. There is much interesting about this starting with the coining of a new word – “healthplan”. That used to be two words, “health” and “plan”. Most people were able to understand that these two words, when used consecutively, meant a plan about health. I suppose whoever decides such things was afraid that somehow the reader would get lost between “health” and “plan” so decided one word would solve that problem.
According to the news pundits, a few months ago the polls showed a healthy majority of Americans supported a government healthplan. Now it seems the percentage of those favoring such a thing is dropping almost daily.
Now, just by coincidence I’m sure, (wink, wink) I notice a blitz of television advertising that is against a government health plan. These ads are usually mini-dramas where there might be a doctor and a patient in a hospital bed. In between them stands a man dressed in a suit. The doctor says, “I think the next step should be .....” The suit shakes his head negatively. The doctor then says, “Maybe we could try this.” The suit shakes his head again. Then a voice comes in and says, “Are we going to trust our heath care to some outside bureaucrat?” Then a sign comes up explaining this is paid for by “Americans for Health” but tells no more. Is there another organization called “Americans Against Health”?
As these sponsored announcements continue to assault us I wonder who they are aimed at. Then I remember an undeniable fact. By definition half of the population of the country is of less than average intelligence! These people get hammered by someone telling them that a certain fruit drink has great health benefits and they go out and buy it. The advertising people know this. Just keep telling them over and over and soon it becomes accepted. That’s why companies spend so much money advertising. But who are the companies advertising these warnings against government involvement? I believe it’s obvious that there are people who stand to make a lot of money by not changing anything. It isn’t hard to guess who these people might be. Can you say, “Insurance companies?” Can you say, “Pharmaceutical companies?”
You can make up your own questions but I think it’s important that we do ask those questions. Can you say, “Me too?”
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
July 26, 2009
7/26/2009
7/23/2009
I SAW THIS ON TV
I haven’t written any blogs for awhile. I suppose that’s because I haven’t noticed anything worth alerting you about. Until today, that is.
Here in the Western United States we have been bombarded with short television spots advertising assistance with income tax problems. One of these seen often is a pretty, blond lady by the name of Roni Lynn Deuthch, pronounced “doi-tch”. She offers to help anyone who has trouble with income taxes. During the segment other happy people pop up and say things like, “Ronnie save me eight hundred thousand dollars.” or “I’m glad I went to Ronnie or we would be penniless.”
While this goes on I noticed a message streaming rapidly across the bottom of the screen but it’s much too fast to read. My television setup happens to have a recording function so I recorded the message and played it back in slow motion. I then dictated the message to a gadget I have that records what I say and I was able to get the complete message. This is it:
This lawyer advertisement for services is offered by Roni Lynn Deutch, a professional tax corporation, 4815 Wall Street, North Highlands, CA 95860. Our attorneys are licensed by the State Bar of California to practice before the Internal Revenue Service in all 50 states. The services advertised may be for performed by lawyers other than Ms. Deutsch. No representation is made that the quality of the services or that the services are better than those performed by others. Testimonials or endorsements do not constitute a guarantee, warranty or prediction regarding the outcome of a particular matter. Past successes cannot be an assurance of future successes because each case must be decided on its own merits. Background information available on request. Not certified as an expert or specialist in New Mexico, Missouri, Rhode Island or in any other state. The State Bar of Nevada and the Wisconsin State Bar do not certify any lawyer as a specialist or expert. Anyone considering a lawyer should independently investigate the lawyer’s credentials and abilities and not rely upon advertising or self-proclaimed expertise.
Did you happen to catch the line that said, “Not certified as an expert or specialist in New Mexico, Missouri, Rhode Island or in any other state.”? What is that all about? “Or in any other state”?
Lawyers!
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
July 23, 2009
Here in the Western United States we have been bombarded with short television spots advertising assistance with income tax problems. One of these seen often is a pretty, blond lady by the name of Roni Lynn Deuthch, pronounced “doi-tch”. She offers to help anyone who has trouble with income taxes. During the segment other happy people pop up and say things like, “Ronnie save me eight hundred thousand dollars.” or “I’m glad I went to Ronnie or we would be penniless.”
While this goes on I noticed a message streaming rapidly across the bottom of the screen but it’s much too fast to read. My television setup happens to have a recording function so I recorded the message and played it back in slow motion. I then dictated the message to a gadget I have that records what I say and I was able to get the complete message. This is it:
This lawyer advertisement for services is offered by Roni Lynn Deutch, a professional tax corporation, 4815 Wall Street, North Highlands, CA 95860. Our attorneys are licensed by the State Bar of California to practice before the Internal Revenue Service in all 50 states. The services advertised may be for performed by lawyers other than Ms. Deutsch. No representation is made that the quality of the services or that the services are better than those performed by others. Testimonials or endorsements do not constitute a guarantee, warranty or prediction regarding the outcome of a particular matter. Past successes cannot be an assurance of future successes because each case must be decided on its own merits. Background information available on request. Not certified as an expert or specialist in New Mexico, Missouri, Rhode Island or in any other state. The State Bar of Nevada and the Wisconsin State Bar do not certify any lawyer as a specialist or expert. Anyone considering a lawyer should independently investigate the lawyer’s credentials and abilities and not rely upon advertising or self-proclaimed expertise.
Did you happen to catch the line that said, “Not certified as an expert or specialist in New Mexico, Missouri, Rhode Island or in any other state.”? What is that all about? “Or in any other state”?
Lawyers!
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
July 23, 2009
6/23/2009
SEX USED FOR POWER?
There was an article in this morning’s paper that caught my eye.
“Carmel city leader used sex for power, suit alleges”
I found this especially interesting because I had been contemplating installing some panels and using solar energy for power. I had never thought of this angle.
It turns out that there was someone suing a city manager because he “allegedly” gave special favors to younger attractive women.
Can you imagine that such a thing could happen?
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 23,2009
“Carmel city leader used sex for power, suit alleges”
I found this especially interesting because I had been contemplating installing some panels and using solar energy for power. I had never thought of this angle.
It turns out that there was someone suing a city manager because he “allegedly” gave special favors to younger attractive women.
Can you imagine that such a thing could happen?
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 23,2009
6/07/2009
A POSSIBLE EQUIPMENT ADDITION
The other day I happened to park my car in one of those unusual parking spaces. It was a narrow street and cars were parked on each side at a 90 degree angle. It makes it difficult to back out but I have a rear view mirror plus another one on each side. I also have a backup camera which shows what’s directly behind me and of course I can always look out the rear window.
Yet, this time I started to slowly back out and felt all was going to be all right until I looked out the front window and saw a woman on the sidewalk who looked like this.
I slammed on my brakes and the other car did too. Our bumpers just kissed.
I’m wondering if there couldn’t be some way for this lady to be standard equipment. Possibly as a hood ornament?
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 07, 2009
Yet, this time I started to slowly back out and felt all was going to be all right until I looked out the front window and saw a woman on the sidewalk who looked like this.
I slammed on my brakes and the other car did too. Our bumpers just kissed.
I’m wondering if there couldn’t be some way for this lady to be standard equipment. Possibly as a hood ornament?
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 07, 2009
6/06/2009
A FRIEND IN THE GARAGE
When I was teaching I had occasion to make thousands of “Instruction Sheets”. These were step-by-step instructions for doing a particular task and it was important they be extremely detailed and impossible to misunderstand. I haven’t done this in years but will try one here that you might find interesting.
INTRODUCTION
Many people lack good depth perception and this often results in hitting the back wall when driving the car into the garage. THARP, (The Home Accident Reporting Agency), announced last year that a new record of 35,664 garages in 38 different countries were damaged this way.
Many people have discovered the HTB (Hanging Tennis Ball) method which helps even though it looks bit silly to see a tennis ball hanging in midair when there is no car in the garage. I have developed a special HTB that helps with that.
Step 1
Get an old tennis ball and find some way to hang it from some higher spot in the garage. I used a screw-eye and string.
Locate it so the ball just touches the windshield when the car is parked in the proper space.
Step 2
Get a felt pen and draw a Smiley face on the ball.
To further enhance the appearance go to Step 3
Step 3
Find some fuzzy material and cut out eyebrows that will be above the eyes you drew on the tennis ball. I used the fuzzy half of a bit of black Velcro® but it’s important that they be above the eyes of the HTB as it is hanging.
Step 4
Fasten eyebrows on Smiley’s Face ON THE TENNIS BALL
Step 5
Use 2 white pins used for dressmaking to create the pupils of Smiley’s eyes. Use 1 pin in each of THE EYES YOU DREW ON THE TENNIS BALL.
Step 6
Insert a red thumb tack between the eyes and the mouth to serve as Smiley’s nose ON THE TENNIS BALL.
Step 7
Step back and be prepared for the compliments you will receive. If, by some rare chance, you don’t receive any compliments let me know. I’ll send you a compliment.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 06, 2009
INTRODUCTION
Many people lack good depth perception and this often results in hitting the back wall when driving the car into the garage. THARP, (The Home Accident Reporting Agency), announced last year that a new record of 35,664 garages in 38 different countries were damaged this way.
Many people have discovered the HTB (Hanging Tennis Ball) method which helps even though it looks bit silly to see a tennis ball hanging in midair when there is no car in the garage. I have developed a special HTB that helps with that.
Step 1
Get an old tennis ball and find some way to hang it from some higher spot in the garage. I used a screw-eye and string.
Locate it so the ball just touches the windshield when the car is parked in the proper space.Step 2
Get a felt pen and draw a Smiley face on the ball.
To further enhance the appearance go to Step 3Step 3
Find some fuzzy material and cut out eyebrows that will be above the eyes you drew on the tennis ball. I used the fuzzy half of a bit of black Velcro® but it’s important that they be above the eyes of the HTB as it is hanging.
Step 4
Fasten eyebrows on Smiley’s Face ON THE TENNIS BALL
Step 5Use 2 white pins used for dressmaking to create the pupils of Smiley’s eyes. Use 1 pin in each of THE EYES YOU DREW ON THE TENNIS BALL.
Step 6Insert a red thumb tack between the eyes and the mouth to serve as Smiley’s nose ON THE TENNIS BALL.
Step 7Step back and be prepared for the compliments you will receive. If, by some rare chance, you don’t receive any compliments let me know. I’ll send you a compliment.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 06, 2009
6/05/2009
CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER
Curiouser and curiouser?
If one reads Alice in Wonderland one would find this line:
“'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English).”
Yesterday I posted a blog where I apologized for offending anyone with something I had written and I received an unusually large number of responses encouraging me and I appreciated that. However, my original critic also posted another comment. I have no idea why she would want to revisit a place that offended her so but she did leave another comment which ended with, “Overly sensitive greetings from Germany!”
Now here is another unusual thing. As some of you know I am 86 years old and as such have probably read a million or more sentences and have composed a few hundred thousand more and that is the first time I have ever seen the words “sensitive” and “Germany” in the same sentence.
Curiouser and curiouser.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 05, 2009
Footnote: Please don’t think I believe that it’s impossible for the words “Germany” and “sensitive” to go together. It’s just that I’ve never seen it. The combination probably has been made several times, someplace.
If one reads Alice in Wonderland one would find this line:
“'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English).”
Yesterday I posted a blog where I apologized for offending anyone with something I had written and I received an unusually large number of responses encouraging me and I appreciated that. However, my original critic also posted another comment. I have no idea why she would want to revisit a place that offended her so but she did leave another comment which ended with, “Overly sensitive greetings from Germany!”
Now here is another unusual thing. As some of you know I am 86 years old and as such have probably read a million or more sentences and have composed a few hundred thousand more and that is the first time I have ever seen the words “sensitive” and “Germany” in the same sentence.
Curiouser and curiouser.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 05, 2009
Footnote: Please don’t think I believe that it’s impossible for the words “Germany” and “sensitive” to go together. It’s just that I’ve never seen it. The combination probably has been made several times, someplace.
6/04/2009
AN APOLOGY
I had something happen to me that I found unusual.
I posted a blog and almost immediately received a comment from a lady who found it very offensive. Since it is certainly not my desire to offend anyone I removed it immediately. Of course, I had no way to apologize to this anonymous lady.
I had, playfully I thought, proposed that the exercise equipment we know as a treadmill was inherently evil and based on a recent infant death in the news, I proposed the elimination of the treadmill and even had “Wanted” poster offering a reward.
I thought it mildly humorous and certainly not offensive but I’ve learned if someone perceives it as offensive it is, of course, offensive. If there are others out there who found it to be so, I apologize to them too.
I also sympathize with them. It must be tough living in today’s world with such a sensitive attitude.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 04, 2009
I posted a blog and almost immediately received a comment from a lady who found it very offensive. Since it is certainly not my desire to offend anyone I removed it immediately. Of course, I had no way to apologize to this anonymous lady.
I had, playfully I thought, proposed that the exercise equipment we know as a treadmill was inherently evil and based on a recent infant death in the news, I proposed the elimination of the treadmill and even had “Wanted” poster offering a reward.
I thought it mildly humorous and certainly not offensive but I’ve learned if someone perceives it as offensive it is, of course, offensive. If there are others out there who found it to be so, I apologize to them too.
I also sympathize with them. It must be tough living in today’s world with such a sensitive attitude.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 04, 2009
5/29/2009
T-Bone or not T-Bone
The other day I was watching the TV news and saw where another man had been freed from prison after 23 years because DNA proved he was innocent of the crime he had been serving time for.
A small group of friends and supporters met him outside the prison gate and took him directly to a restaurant where, for the first time in 23 years, he had a T-bone steak.
That's not the way I would have done it.
If I were to be freed after 23 years of never having had any contact with a T-bone steak or a female, I would want my friends to drive me directly to one of those houses were you can pay to get in close contact with a female.
I would ask my friends to wait for me in the car.
It wouldn't take long.
Then we could go for the T-Bone.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 29, 2009
A small group of friends and supporters met him outside the prison gate and took him directly to a restaurant where, for the first time in 23 years, he had a T-bone steak.
That's not the way I would have done it.
If I were to be freed after 23 years of never having had any contact with a T-bone steak or a female, I would want my friends to drive me directly to one of those houses were you can pay to get in close contact with a female.
I would ask my friends to wait for me in the car.
It wouldn't take long.
Then we could go for the T-Bone.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 29, 2009
5/28/2009
BAD HAIRCUTS AND WORLD AFFAIRS
There is an old saying that is attributed to the poet and philosopher George Santayana: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
I think of that when I see the news these days. I suppose there are fewer people every day who actually recall 1939 when Germany’s Adolph Hitler invaded Poland but I recall many things about those days and some of it reminds me of things going on today.
First, there is the haircut. Adolph Hitler had a lousy barber and his hair always looked strange when compared to other world leaders.
It seems to be the same with Kim Jong Il, North Korea’s leader.
I wonder if having a goofy hair style leads to doing goofy things like having the soldiers march in a strange way. Hitler had his troops do what we called “The Goose Step.”
Kin Jonh Il seems to have his own way or is he trying to emulate Hitler?
There also seem to be several other similarities not the least of which is telling the rest of the world one thing and doing the opposite with no apology at all. I wonder if there is some connection.
Hitler died in 1945 and Kim Jong Il had been born 4 years earlier so that rules out reincarnation, which is just as well because I don’t believe in that anyway.
I suppose it's theoretically possible that Kim Jong Il might possibly be the illegitimate son of ... Nah, that's silly.
But yet it is strange there are so many similarities. I wonder what harbor Kim Jong Il will bomb before we decide to pay serious attention.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 28, 2009
I think of that when I see the news these days. I suppose there are fewer people every day who actually recall 1939 when Germany’s Adolph Hitler invaded Poland but I recall many things about those days and some of it reminds me of things going on today.
First, there is the haircut. Adolph Hitler had a lousy barber and his hair always looked strange when compared to other world leaders.
It seems to be the same with Kim Jong Il, North Korea’s leader.
I wonder if having a goofy hair style leads to doing goofy things like having the soldiers march in a strange way. Hitler had his troops do what we called “The Goose Step.”
Kin Jonh Il seems to have his own way or is he trying to emulate Hitler?
There also seem to be several other similarities not the least of which is telling the rest of the world one thing and doing the opposite with no apology at all. I wonder if there is some connection.
Hitler died in 1945 and Kim Jong Il had been born 4 years earlier so that rules out reincarnation, which is just as well because I don’t believe in that anyway.
I suppose it's theoretically possible that Kim Jong Il might possibly be the illegitimate son of ... Nah, that's silly.
But yet it is strange there are so many similarities. I wonder what harbor Kim Jong Il will bomb before we decide to pay serious attention.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 28, 2009
4/26/2009
AMAZING TECHNICAL SUPPORT
It has been a couple of weeks since I posted my last blog. This is probably due to a combination of a couple of things. It's entirely possible that I may have commented on everything in the world and there is nothing left that amuses me. But this is doubtful. I just haven't had anything major happened in my life that was worth blogging about -- until now.
For many years I have used a software program called Almanac. It is essentially a calendar program and each time I turn my computer on a calendar fills my screen showing holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and even doctor's appointments. However, I moved to a new computer using a new operating system and I couldn't find a way to install my Almanac program. After much searching I found the author of the program had retired it and in its place there was a new program called Einstime. That is Einstime not Einstein, as in Albert Einstein. The new program is very elegant and has many more features. The only problem was that I had trouble entering my personal information. So I sent an e-mail to Technical Support.
I received a prompt answer (like in about an hour) and, as it turned out, it was from the author of the software. His name is Leonard Gray. I was surprised to receive a personal note instead of some automated message. In addition, he offered to call me on the telephone and walk me through the problem. So, I sent him my number and, within an hour, he called me. He knew exactly what the problem was and while I was at my computer he guided me step-by-step until the program worked perfectly.
I was amazed! Not only is Einstime a very elegant program but now it works exactly the way I want it to work and I could not be happier. In all my years of dealing with Technical Support going back to 1982 I never have experienced anything like that.
If you have any need for such a program, and almost everyone does, I wholeheartedly suggest that you go to http://www.einstime.com/ and take a look. He offers a free trial period before purchasing and the price is very reasonable. And, most importantly, if you get in trouble you can rely on getting REAL help.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 26, 2009
For many years I have used a software program called Almanac. It is essentially a calendar program and each time I turn my computer on a calendar fills my screen showing holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and even doctor's appointments. However, I moved to a new computer using a new operating system and I couldn't find a way to install my Almanac program. After much searching I found the author of the program had retired it and in its place there was a new program called Einstime. That is Einstime not Einstein, as in Albert Einstein. The new program is very elegant and has many more features. The only problem was that I had trouble entering my personal information. So I sent an e-mail to Technical Support.
I received a prompt answer (like in about an hour) and, as it turned out, it was from the author of the software. His name is Leonard Gray. I was surprised to receive a personal note instead of some automated message. In addition, he offered to call me on the telephone and walk me through the problem. So, I sent him my number and, within an hour, he called me. He knew exactly what the problem was and while I was at my computer he guided me step-by-step until the program worked perfectly.
I was amazed! Not only is Einstime a very elegant program but now it works exactly the way I want it to work and I could not be happier. In all my years of dealing with Technical Support going back to 1982 I never have experienced anything like that.
If you have any need for such a program, and almost everyone does, I wholeheartedly suggest that you go to http://www.einstime.com/ and take a look. He offers a free trial period before purchasing and the price is very reasonable. And, most importantly, if you get in trouble you can rely on getting REAL help.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 26, 2009
4/03/2009
DEAR MR. PRESIDENT
Dear Mr. President,
I saw one of your many television appearances when you were in London recently.
I'm sure I heard you say, "Next month me and my cabinet will ..."
"Next month me and my cabinet will ..."?
Now, what will happen if your cabinet doesn't show up? "Me" will do it alone?
Respectfully, Sir, as much as I admire your devotion to your children, I think you've been spending too much time with them. That's the way kids talk!
"My cabinet and I will ..."
"My cabinet and I will ..."
Mr. Obama, you are one of the leaders of the free world.
You should learn to talk gooder.
The Old Professor
Carmel, California
April 3, 2009
I saw one of your many television appearances when you were in London recently.
I'm sure I heard you say, "Next month me and my cabinet will ..."
"Next month me and my cabinet will ..."?
Now, what will happen if your cabinet doesn't show up? "Me" will do it alone?
Respectfully, Sir, as much as I admire your devotion to your children, I think you've been spending too much time with them. That's the way kids talk!
"My cabinet and I will ..."
"My cabinet and I will ..."
Mr. Obama, you are one of the leaders of the free world.
You should learn to talk gooder.
The Old Professor
Carmel, California
April 3, 2009
3/30/2009
I WONDER, THEREFORE I AM
For no particular reason I was thinking about football games when I was in school back in the 40s. My high school was Technical High School, known as Tech High.
At football games our cheerleaders would have a big megaphone and they would holler, “Gimmee a Tee” and for some reason everyone would shout “Tee”.
Then, “Gimmee an Eee” everyone would shout “Eee”
Gimmee a “Cee” and everyone would shout “Cee”.
Gimmee an “Aitch” and everyone would shout “Aitch”.
“TECH” and everyone would shout “TECH” .
I never was exactly sure what this accomplished other than letting the other team know we had at least minimal spelling skills.
My brother went to Yale University and they did the same thing there only with a “Gimme a “Y” and an “A” and an “L” and an “E” so there must have been some kind of value to it.
But lately I’ve been a little concerned. A new college is under construction near where we live. It’s the California State University at Monterey Bay.
How in the world will those cheerleaders handle that?
“Gimme a “C”.
“Gimme an “A”
Etc.
The game would probably be over and the spectators gone by the time the cheerleaders were yelling, “Gimme a “Y”.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 30, 2009
At football games our cheerleaders would have a big megaphone and they would holler, “Gimmee a Tee” and for some reason everyone would shout “Tee”.
Then, “Gimmee an Eee” everyone would shout “Eee”
Gimmee a “Cee” and everyone would shout “Cee”.
Gimmee an “Aitch” and everyone would shout “Aitch”.
“TECH” and everyone would shout “TECH” .
I never was exactly sure what this accomplished other than letting the other team know we had at least minimal spelling skills.
My brother went to Yale University and they did the same thing there only with a “Gimme a “Y” and an “A” and an “L” and an “E” so there must have been some kind of value to it.
But lately I’ve been a little concerned. A new college is under construction near where we live. It’s the California State University at Monterey Bay.
How in the world will those cheerleaders handle that?
“Gimme a “C”.
“Gimme an “A”
Etc.
The game would probably be over and the spectators gone by the time the cheerleaders were yelling, “Gimme a “Y”.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 30, 2009
3/27/2009
HAPPY DAY!!
Perhaps you were astute enough to notice a small change in the heading here. Where it used to say an 85-year old brain it now says an 86-year old brain. Those of you who are good at math will deduce that I am a year older now!
Those of you who know my partner, the lovely Jen-Chi, know that she has the same birthday and we both seem to have successfully completed another year. Well, more or less successfully. We’ll take it, whatever it was.
But this second half of my life got off to a strange start. Several things happened that I found to be hilarious. Maybe things seem funnier at this age.
Is it funny that the Borders Bookstore sent me an e-mail expressing birthday greetings and, as a birthday present they gave me a coupon that is worth 25% off of any one one item I buy? Not really funny but in the same e-mail group there was a message from Borders Bookstore offering everyone a 40% discount.
Then does anyone else think it’s funny that I offered to go to a store and purchase some refill brushes for Jen-Chi’s electric toothbrush. I took the device with me to be sure I got the right size. As I parked in front of the store I shut off everything I’m suppose to shut off and opened the car door to get out. The car started buzzing. I checked all the devices, doors, etc and all seemed right but the buzzing continued. As I mentally planed to take it to the dealer as the problem was beyond me I reached into my pants pocket. There was an electric toothbrush running and when I shut that off the car problem was solved. Wasn’t that funny? I thought so but at the same time I didn’t realize my mental faculties would go down so fast.
When I got home Jen-Chi showed me a jar of black seeds. She told me her daughter had given her these poppy seeds and we soon would have many flowers. I looked at the glass jar and saw the seeds but also noted the label was written in French. Now I don’t know much more French that is needed to get crossword puzzles done but it seemed to me I saw words like “milk” and “skin”. So I took the label to my computer where I have a translation program and I typed in the French words. In English it said regular use of this would give smooth skin. So, I went back to Jen-Chi, told her what the label said and asked how you go about rubbing those on the skin. When she finished laughing she explained they were poppy seeds to be planted in the yard and the old glass jar was just a way her daughter used to deliver them. Oh.
Wasn’t that funny too?
To be serious for a moment, I was touched by the several e-mails I received from my blog-friends and I thank you all. We plan on doing this again a year from now but without the toothbrush thing. Hope you'll be there too.
The Old Professor
Camel, CA
March 27, 2009
Those of you who know my partner, the lovely Jen-Chi, know that she has the same birthday and we both seem to have successfully completed another year. Well, more or less successfully. We’ll take it, whatever it was.
But this second half of my life got off to a strange start. Several things happened that I found to be hilarious. Maybe things seem funnier at this age.
Is it funny that the Borders Bookstore sent me an e-mail expressing birthday greetings and, as a birthday present they gave me a coupon that is worth 25% off of any one one item I buy? Not really funny but in the same e-mail group there was a message from Borders Bookstore offering everyone a 40% discount.
Then does anyone else think it’s funny that I offered to go to a store and purchase some refill brushes for Jen-Chi’s electric toothbrush. I took the device with me to be sure I got the right size. As I parked in front of the store I shut off everything I’m suppose to shut off and opened the car door to get out. The car started buzzing. I checked all the devices, doors, etc and all seemed right but the buzzing continued. As I mentally planed to take it to the dealer as the problem was beyond me I reached into my pants pocket. There was an electric toothbrush running and when I shut that off the car problem was solved. Wasn’t that funny? I thought so but at the same time I didn’t realize my mental faculties would go down so fast.
When I got home Jen-Chi showed me a jar of black seeds. She told me her daughter had given her these poppy seeds and we soon would have many flowers. I looked at the glass jar and saw the seeds but also noted the label was written in French. Now I don’t know much more French that is needed to get crossword puzzles done but it seemed to me I saw words like “milk” and “skin”. So I took the label to my computer where I have a translation program and I typed in the French words. In English it said regular use of this would give smooth skin. So, I went back to Jen-Chi, told her what the label said and asked how you go about rubbing those on the skin. When she finished laughing she explained they were poppy seeds to be planted in the yard and the old glass jar was just a way her daughter used to deliver them. Oh.
Wasn’t that funny too?
To be serious for a moment, I was touched by the several e-mails I received from my blog-friends and I thank you all. We plan on doing this again a year from now but without the toothbrush thing. Hope you'll be there too.
The Old Professor
Camel, CA
March 27, 2009
3/20/2009
I DON'T GET IT
Recently an airliner leaving New York ran into a flock of geese and was forced to land in the Hudson River. All of the passengers were safely evacuated and the crew was highly praised for having saved so many lives. In fact, the pilot appeared on several television programs and I read he has been offered a book deal to write his life story.
I don’t get it.
This pilot and the crew are being highly praised for doing exactly what they had been trained to do for years. I thought that's what they were supposed to do. I thought that was one of the reasons they are paid so well.
I can clearly recall being taught what to do in emergencies very early in my flight training program with the Navy. The typical drill was to have the instructor cut the power unexpectedly and the student needed to go through the procedure for an emergency landing.
First, look for something indicating wind direction so you could land going into the wind. Then look for an open space and glide the plane to it.
The first time this happened to me was with my civilian instructor in upper state New York. I only had a couple of hours of instruction under my belt at that time . I was with an instructor doing some kind of “How to Make Turns Without Falling Out of the Sky” exercise when all of a sudden the instructor cut the throttle and shouted “Emergency!”
I began to look around.
I saw a flag pole with the flag indicating which way the wind was blowing and I turned the plane to head into the wind as we were taught to do. Then I looked around and saw a nice green patch of grass with no trees and, as the plane was descending, I headed for it. I was all lined up and going down nicely when the instructor grabbed the controls, accelerated the plane and veered off. Then at the top of his voice he screamed, “That was a school yard you dumb son-of-a-bitch!” He threw in a few more comments questioning being able to win a war with people like me involved. Then, at the top of his voice yelled, “Didn’t you see the kids down there?”
I hadn’t seen any kids down there. I was humiliated and we flew back home in silence.
As I think of this episode some 60 years later I realize I certainly would have seen kids if there had been kids. How could anyone miss that? The fact that he veered off made it impossible for me to double check. I had to take his word for it and these days I’m inclined to think there were no kids there at all. In fact, it may not even have been a school building. There are other buildings that might have flagpole in front.
However, I did learn something and I never landed in a school yard with children playing there. In fact, I never landed in a school yard period.
These days I’d be willing to make a small wager that this instructor took all of his students to that area and played the same game.
The son-of-a-bitch!
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 20, 2009
I don’t get it.
This pilot and the crew are being highly praised for doing exactly what they had been trained to do for years. I thought that's what they were supposed to do. I thought that was one of the reasons they are paid so well.
I can clearly recall being taught what to do in emergencies very early in my flight training program with the Navy. The typical drill was to have the instructor cut the power unexpectedly and the student needed to go through the procedure for an emergency landing.
First, look for something indicating wind direction so you could land going into the wind. Then look for an open space and glide the plane to it.
The first time this happened to me was with my civilian instructor in upper state New York. I only had a couple of hours of instruction under my belt at that time . I was with an instructor doing some kind of “How to Make Turns Without Falling Out of the Sky” exercise when all of a sudden the instructor cut the throttle and shouted “Emergency!”
I began to look around.
I saw a flag pole with the flag indicating which way the wind was blowing and I turned the plane to head into the wind as we were taught to do. Then I looked around and saw a nice green patch of grass with no trees and, as the plane was descending, I headed for it. I was all lined up and going down nicely when the instructor grabbed the controls, accelerated the plane and veered off. Then at the top of his voice he screamed, “That was a school yard you dumb son-of-a-bitch!” He threw in a few more comments questioning being able to win a war with people like me involved. Then, at the top of his voice yelled, “Didn’t you see the kids down there?”
I hadn’t seen any kids down there. I was humiliated and we flew back home in silence.
As I think of this episode some 60 years later I realize I certainly would have seen kids if there had been kids. How could anyone miss that? The fact that he veered off made it impossible for me to double check. I had to take his word for it and these days I’m inclined to think there were no kids there at all. In fact, it may not even have been a school building. There are other buildings that might have flagpole in front.
However, I did learn something and I never landed in a school yard with children playing there. In fact, I never landed in a school yard period.
These days I’d be willing to make a small wager that this instructor took all of his students to that area and played the same game.
The son-of-a-bitch!
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 20, 2009
3/10/2009
SHEEZ!!
Almost every time I leave the house to drive someplace She says, “Drive carefully.”
I always reply, “I will.”
Today there was an addendum
She said, “Drive carefully.”
I replied the usual, “I will.”
Then just as I was going out the door She shouted, “Don’t take anyone else’s grocery cart.”**
Sheeez!
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 10, 2009
** If this doesn’t make any sense to you see the blog below, “Things Old Professors Do.”
I always reply, “I will.”
Today there was an addendum
She said, “Drive carefully.”
I replied the usual, “I will.”
Then just as I was going out the door She shouted, “Don’t take anyone else’s grocery cart.”**
Sheeez!
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
March 10, 2009
** If this doesn’t make any sense to you see the blog below, “Things Old Professors Do.”
2/25/2009
THINGS OLD PROFESSORS DO
I suppose many people think much as I did, that is that retired professors spend most of their time being retired. I mean, smoking a pipe, reading a book and going, "Harumph!" a lot. I have no idea where that idea comes from as it certainly doesn't fit me at all.
As an example, the other day I got the assignment to do the grocery shopping. This was fine as far as I was concerned, because I consider myself very skilled at this task and it doesn't take me very long. Some other people I know, who will remain nameless, take hours to accomplish what should take minutes. Two days ago I accomplished the grocery shopping for the whole week in less than 15 minutes. I will admit that isn't the complete story.
This is the complete story: I was given a list of items needed. I drove to the grocery store and went about my usual efficient way of gathering these up. I took a shopping cart and headed to the fruits and vegetables section, quickly making my selections and moving on to the other sections. I didn't actually time it but I think I was in and out in my usual 15 minutes. However, when I arrived home I noticed there were some unusual things in my collection of groceries. They seemed to be things I hadn't purchased and, to my mind, they were a bit unusual. For example, there were 2 bananas and I knew I had purchased 10 bananas, at least. There was one lone potato. Who buys one potato? Then there were 2 carrots and I had no recollection of buying any carrots. Nor had I purchased a bunch of asparagus and a clump of broccoli. This person may have been a grocery thief but he or she probably was a very healthy grocery thief.
It finally dawned on me that some nefarious person had stolen my grocery cart and substituted their cart. I have no idea why anyone would want to do such a thing. I tried to think back when this might have happened and think I have it figured out. As I was leaving the house to go shopping I was told to try and find some "ginger root". Not being exactly sure what that was I picked up some gnarly root thing and took it to a man working in that department who verified that it was indeed ginger root. I left my shopping cart unguarded. I imagined it was at that time that this person, who had probably been lurking nearby and quickly grabbed my shopping card and substituted his or hers.
Of course, using hindsight, it's easy to wonder why I hadn't noticed the difference as I was checking out and unfortunately I have no answer for that except to add that to the list of things that old retired professors do.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 25, 2009
As an example, the other day I got the assignment to do the grocery shopping. This was fine as far as I was concerned, because I consider myself very skilled at this task and it doesn't take me very long. Some other people I know, who will remain nameless, take hours to accomplish what should take minutes. Two days ago I accomplished the grocery shopping for the whole week in less than 15 minutes. I will admit that isn't the complete story.
This is the complete story: I was given a list of items needed. I drove to the grocery store and went about my usual efficient way of gathering these up. I took a shopping cart and headed to the fruits and vegetables section, quickly making my selections and moving on to the other sections. I didn't actually time it but I think I was in and out in my usual 15 minutes. However, when I arrived home I noticed there were some unusual things in my collection of groceries. They seemed to be things I hadn't purchased and, to my mind, they were a bit unusual. For example, there were 2 bananas and I knew I had purchased 10 bananas, at least. There was one lone potato. Who buys one potato? Then there were 2 carrots and I had no recollection of buying any carrots. Nor had I purchased a bunch of asparagus and a clump of broccoli. This person may have been a grocery thief but he or she probably was a very healthy grocery thief.
It finally dawned on me that some nefarious person had stolen my grocery cart and substituted their cart. I have no idea why anyone would want to do such a thing. I tried to think back when this might have happened and think I have it figured out. As I was leaving the house to go shopping I was told to try and find some "ginger root". Not being exactly sure what that was I picked up some gnarly root thing and took it to a man working in that department who verified that it was indeed ginger root. I left my shopping cart unguarded. I imagined it was at that time that this person, who had probably been lurking nearby and quickly grabbed my shopping card and substituted his or hers.
Of course, using hindsight, it's easy to wonder why I hadn't noticed the difference as I was checking out and unfortunately I have no answer for that except to add that to the list of things that old retired professors do.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 25, 2009
2/23/2009
I AM BACK
First allow me to offer my apologies for having been gone so long. I appreciate the several people who wrote to me saying I was missed. That felt nice. But, as the kids say, it wasn't my fault. The dog ate my computer.
Here's how it happened and perhaps you might benefit from my experience. I started one of those software programs that promises to fix the registry so your computer runs faster than God's. Maybe it would have worked, I'll never know. Running the program takes considerable time. During that time we had a power failure. I should have guessed it might happen as we have many pine trees around here. Pine trees have shallow roots. When it rains trees with shallow roots tend to fall over. They often hit power lines. The ALWAYS hit our power line.
After several hours the power was restored but the computer wouldn't run properly. At first I was unconcerned because, in case you didn't know, Windows has a System Restore program where you merely pick a previous date that you want the computer configured to and there's no problem. I've used the program several times with no problem. This time when I went to do this there were no previous times to restore to - none! There also were no drivers, no internet connection, no printer and in short, no nuttin'.
Because restoring it was clearly beyond my skill level and taking it to a repair shop was bound to be costly I decided to investigate buying a new computer. In the United States and perhaps elsewhere, there is a giant electronics retailer called Circuit City. They recently declared bankruptcy but as I drove by their store I saw the door was open. I went in and found they were selling everything including the shelves on the wall. The computer department only had 3 units left. They were all the same Hewlett-Packard model and it was exactly what I had been thinking of buying but at a huge discount. So that's what I have now and am going through the steps of setting it up.
As I look at the many things I want to install or move from my previous computer I'm led to think of the Bible. Isn't that what happened when people tended to overdo things? I'm just glad this particular divine intervention only included a tree and a power line instead of the full 40 days and 40 nights thing. I'm too old for that.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 23, 2009
Here's how it happened and perhaps you might benefit from my experience. I started one of those software programs that promises to fix the registry so your computer runs faster than God's. Maybe it would have worked, I'll never know. Running the program takes considerable time. During that time we had a power failure. I should have guessed it might happen as we have many pine trees around here. Pine trees have shallow roots. When it rains trees with shallow roots tend to fall over. They often hit power lines. The ALWAYS hit our power line.
After several hours the power was restored but the computer wouldn't run properly. At first I was unconcerned because, in case you didn't know, Windows has a System Restore program where you merely pick a previous date that you want the computer configured to and there's no problem. I've used the program several times with no problem. This time when I went to do this there were no previous times to restore to - none! There also were no drivers, no internet connection, no printer and in short, no nuttin'.
Because restoring it was clearly beyond my skill level and taking it to a repair shop was bound to be costly I decided to investigate buying a new computer. In the United States and perhaps elsewhere, there is a giant electronics retailer called Circuit City. They recently declared bankruptcy but as I drove by their store I saw the door was open. I went in and found they were selling everything including the shelves on the wall. The computer department only had 3 units left. They were all the same Hewlett-Packard model and it was exactly what I had been thinking of buying but at a huge discount. So that's what I have now and am going through the steps of setting it up.
As I look at the many things I want to install or move from my previous computer I'm led to think of the Bible. Isn't that what happened when people tended to overdo things? I'm just glad this particular divine intervention only included a tree and a power line instead of the full 40 days and 40 nights thing. I'm too old for that.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
February 23, 2009
1/23/2009
ADVICE FOR YOUNG MEN ONLY
It occurred to me that I have a gender specific message here. I think this is mostly for young males. Females of all ages may leave the room now.
Listen up young men, especially those of you who have not yet committed to a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. There is a tactic, a trick if you will, that is employed by almost all women and if you are not aware of it you may find yourself in the position I am in and have found myself in before.
In the early stages of your relationship you will certainly establish certain things in a relationship that you will find are irreversible. Allow me to enlighten you.
Somewhere along the line, you will find that your lady will approach you with a statement similar to this: "Here let me do that. Men don't know how to fill in the blank."
Now, of course, you know how to fill in the blank and you want the love of your life to know that you are certainly capable of filling in the blank. And for sure you do not want to be classified with "all men." So here is where you might make your big mistake.
Suppose, for example, that the chore at hand is making making a bed. Now, any moron can make a bed. In fact, when I was in the U.S.Navy it seemed to be just as important that I learn to make a bed as it was to fly an airplane. However, and here listen carefully men, this is where you must make your stand. Be sure to agree with her. One of the tactics is to protest strongly saying things like, "I certainly know how to make a bed." (Another usable phrase is, "Of course, how hard can it be?") Then go on to make the biggest mess of bed making that has ever been seen.
When she says, "Here let me do that." Be sure to hang your head sheepishly and say something like, "I thought I could. It doesn’t look that hard". And you might even toss in a, “Wow! How do you do that so easily?”
If she offers to show you how, eagerly accept but, whatever you do, don’t show any evidence of even the slightest aptitude for the chore. This is not always easy to do without being obvious. (Hint: If you have a chance beforehand, you might practice the sheepish look in front of a bathroom mirror. Be sure the door is locked so nobody walks in and finds you practicing. I hate it when that happens)
Now, if you choose to ignore this advice, believe me, you will spend the rest of your life making beds. Trust me; I speak from first-hand experience.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 23, 2009
Listen up young men, especially those of you who have not yet committed to a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. There is a tactic, a trick if you will, that is employed by almost all women and if you are not aware of it you may find yourself in the position I am in and have found myself in before.
In the early stages of your relationship you will certainly establish certain things in a relationship that you will find are irreversible. Allow me to enlighten you.
Somewhere along the line, you will find that your lady will approach you with a statement similar to this: "Here let me do that. Men don't know how to fill in the blank."
Now, of course, you know how to fill in the blank and you want the love of your life to know that you are certainly capable of filling in the blank. And for sure you do not want to be classified with "all men." So here is where you might make your big mistake.
Suppose, for example, that the chore at hand is making making a bed. Now, any moron can make a bed. In fact, when I was in the U.S.Navy it seemed to be just as important that I learn to make a bed as it was to fly an airplane. However, and here listen carefully men, this is where you must make your stand. Be sure to agree with her. One of the tactics is to protest strongly saying things like, "I certainly know how to make a bed." (Another usable phrase is, "Of course, how hard can it be?") Then go on to make the biggest mess of bed making that has ever been seen.
When she says, "Here let me do that." Be sure to hang your head sheepishly and say something like, "I thought I could. It doesn’t look that hard". And you might even toss in a, “Wow! How do you do that so easily?”
If she offers to show you how, eagerly accept but, whatever you do, don’t show any evidence of even the slightest aptitude for the chore. This is not always easy to do without being obvious. (Hint: If you have a chance beforehand, you might practice the sheepish look in front of a bathroom mirror. Be sure the door is locked so nobody walks in and finds you practicing. I hate it when that happens)
Now, if you choose to ignore this advice, believe me, you will spend the rest of your life making beds. Trust me; I speak from first-hand experience.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 23, 2009
1/18/2009
A PARENTHETICAL PRESIDENT?
As just about every everyone knows, we, in the United States, will have new president soon. Personally, I am delighted and look forward to Barack Obama sitting in the Oval Office. However, there is one minor thing bothering me. I hear many people saying something similar to, "I never thought I would live long enough to see a black president."
I certainly hope that history will show the many attributes the man has other than the color of his skin. Regardless of his performance as president, he certainly should not be a parenthetical president. That is, I hope we all will be able to think of him as "Barack Obama, 44th president" instead of "Barack Obama, 44th president (Black)".
Personally, I really don't care if our president is black, green, purple or, believe it or not, even pink. If for some reason, the parentheses are required, I would hope it might say, "44th president, (Smart)" or "44th president, (Intelligent)".
That would be novel.
The Old Professor
Carmel, California
January 18, 2008
I certainly hope that history will show the many attributes the man has other than the color of his skin. Regardless of his performance as president, he certainly should not be a parenthetical president. That is, I hope we all will be able to think of him as "Barack Obama, 44th president" instead of "Barack Obama, 44th president (Black)".
Personally, I really don't care if our president is black, green, purple or, believe it or not, even pink. If for some reason, the parentheses are required, I would hope it might say, "44th president, (Smart)" or "44th president, (Intelligent)".
That would be novel.
The Old Professor
Carmel, California
January 18, 2008
1/17/2009
IF I WERE PRESIDENT
I suppose many people have fantasized as to what they might do if they found themselves elected president of the United States. My particular fantasy has me sitting in the Oval Office and the first thing I do is call in the PICODS. (That's Person In Charge Of Doing Stuff.) I would ask, no, I would command, to see all of the top-secret papers regarding UFOs. I'm not sure what I would do after that, but probably issue an order that these records be removed from the Top Secret category so everyone can see, once and for all, what nonsense most of that stuff is..
Then I would issue an order to have the highest-ranking officer in the United States Navy report to my office on the double. When he arrived, I would pretend to be busy doing something. If this officer relaxed in anyway, I would shout, "Stand at attention!" After some time, I would look at him carefully and tell him that he needed a haircut. Then I would simply say, "Dismissed!"
Then I think I would finally be even with something that has rankled me since 1944. At that time, I had just enlisted in the Navy and the first Sunday morning there was a formal dress inspection. That is when I received demerits for "Needing a haircut." I wouldn't have minded that except I had been to the barber Friday evening. However, during the formal inspection we were required to stand at attention, and there was no way I could discuss this. As a result, that afternoon my visiting parents watched while I spent an hour marching around with a stupid wooden rifle on my shoulder. A fine way to start my Navy career. However, if I ever get elected to president I'll be able to erase that from my mind and call it even.
I do realize, if I am to be elected president I would need to get started soon and stop wasting my time writing blogs.
The Old Professor
January 17, 2009.
Carnel, California
Then I would issue an order to have the highest-ranking officer in the United States Navy report to my office on the double. When he arrived, I would pretend to be busy doing something. If this officer relaxed in anyway, I would shout, "Stand at attention!" After some time, I would look at him carefully and tell him that he needed a haircut. Then I would simply say, "Dismissed!"
Then I think I would finally be even with something that has rankled me since 1944. At that time, I had just enlisted in the Navy and the first Sunday morning there was a formal dress inspection. That is when I received demerits for "Needing a haircut." I wouldn't have minded that except I had been to the barber Friday evening. However, during the formal inspection we were required to stand at attention, and there was no way I could discuss this. As a result, that afternoon my visiting parents watched while I spent an hour marching around with a stupid wooden rifle on my shoulder. A fine way to start my Navy career. However, if I ever get elected to president I'll be able to erase that from my mind and call it even.
I do realize, if I am to be elected president I would need to get started soon and stop wasting my time writing blogs.
The Old Professor
January 17, 2009.
Carnel, California
1/03/2009
MARILYN MONROE AND STUFF LIKE THAT
I can’t say I’ve always been a movie fan but I can’t help admiring Marilyn Monroe.
After all, who wouldn’t look up to someone who married the baseball immortal Joe DiMaggio and also married a literary giant, Arthur Miller?
I even read some quotations of hers that were somewhat memorable.
For example, “If I’d observed all the rules, I’d never have got anywhere.”
Okay, she so never was a master of the English language but who cares; I still looked up to her.
Thousands of you. well at least some of you, have asked about my picture in the profile you see to the right. Many have asked that, since I was looking up, what was I looking at?
I honestly don't know.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 3, 2009
After all, who wouldn’t look up to someone who married the baseball immortal Joe DiMaggio and also married a literary giant, Arthur Miller?
I even read some quotations of hers that were somewhat memorable.
For example, “If I’d observed all the rules, I’d never have got anywhere.”
Okay, she so never was a master of the English language but who cares; I still looked up to her.
Thousands of you. well at least some of you, have asked about my picture in the profile you see to the right. Many have asked that, since I was looking up, what was I looking at?
I honestly don't know.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 3, 2009
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