ADVICE FOR YOUNG MEN ONLY

It occurred to me that I have a gender specific message here. I think this is mostly for young males. Females of all ages may leave the room now.

Listen up young men, especially those of you who have not yet committed to a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. There is a tactic, a trick if you will, that is employed by almost all women and if you are not aware of it you may find yourself in the position I am in and have found myself in before.

In the early stages of your relationship you will certainly establish certain things in a relationship that you will find are irreversible. Allow me to enlighten you.

Somewhere along the line, you will find that your lady will approach you with a statement similar to this: "Here let me do that. Men don't know how to fill in the blank."
Now, of course, you know how to fill in the blank and you want the love of your life to know that you are certainly capable of filling in the blank. And for sure you do not want to be classified with "all men." So here is where you might make your big mistake.

Suppose, for example, that the chore at hand is making making a bed. Now, any moron can make a bed. In fact, when I was in the U.S.Navy it seemed to be just as important that I learn to make a bed as it was to fly an airplane. However, and here listen carefully men, this is where you must make your stand. Be sure to agree with her. One of the tactics is to protest strongly saying things like, "I certainly know how to make a bed." (Another usable phrase is, "Of course, how hard can it be?") Then go on to make the biggest mess of bed making that has ever been seen.
When she says, "Here let me do that." Be sure to hang your head sheepishly and say something like, "I thought I could. It doesn’t look that hard". And you might even toss in a, “Wow! How do you do that so easily?”

If she offers to show you how, eagerly accept but, whatever you do, don’t show any evidence of even the slightest aptitude for the chore. This is not always easy to do without being obvious. (Hint: If you have a chance beforehand, you might practice the sheepish look in front of a bathroom mirror. Be sure the door is locked so nobody walks in and finds you practicing. I hate it when that happens)

Now, if you choose to ignore this advice, believe me, you will spend the rest of your life making beds. Trust me; I speak from first-hand experience.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 23, 2009

A PARENTHETICAL PRESIDENT?

As just about every everyone knows, we, in the United States, will have new president soon. Personally, I am delighted and look forward to Barack Obama sitting in the Oval Office. However, there is one minor thing bothering me. I hear many people saying something similar to, "I never thought I would live long enough to see a black president."

I certainly hope that history will show the many attributes the man has other than the color of his skin. Regardless of his performance as president, he certainly should not be a parenthetical president. That is, I hope we all will be able to think of him as "Barack Obama, 44th president" instead of "Barack Obama, 44th president (Black)".

Personally, I really don't care if our president is black, green, purple or, believe it or not, even pink. If for some reason, the parentheses are required, I would hope it might say, "44th president, (Smart)" or "44th president, (Intelligent)".

That would be novel.

The Old Professor
Carmel, California
January 18, 2008

IF I WERE PRESIDENT

I suppose many people have fantasized as to what they might do if they found themselves elected president of the United States. My particular fantasy has me sitting in the Oval Office and the first thing I do is call in the PICODS. (That's Person In Charge Of Doing Stuff.) I would ask, no, I would command, to see all of the top-secret papers regarding UFOs. I'm not sure what I would do after that, but probably issue an order that these records be removed from the Top Secret category so everyone can see, once and for all, what nonsense most of that stuff is..

Then I would issue an order to have the highest-ranking officer in the United States Navy report to my office on the double. When he arrived, I would pretend to be busy doing something. If this officer relaxed in anyway, I would shout, "Stand at attention!" After some time, I would look at him carefully and tell him that he needed a haircut. Then I would simply say, "Dismissed!"

Then I think I would finally be even with something that has rankled me since 1944. At that time, I had just enlisted in the Navy and the first Sunday morning there was a formal dress inspection. That is when I received demerits for "Needing a haircut." I wouldn't have minded that except I had been to the barber Friday evening. However, during the formal inspection we were required to stand at attention, and there was no way I could discuss this. As a result, that afternoon my visiting parents watched while I spent an hour marching around with a stupid wooden rifle on my shoulder. A fine way to start my Navy career. However, if I ever get elected to president I'll be able to erase that from my mind and call it even.

I do realize, if I am to be elected president I would need to get started soon and stop wasting my time writing blogs.

The Old Professor
January 17, 2009.
Carnel, California

MARILYN MONROE AND STUFF LIKE THAT

I can’t say I’ve always been a movie fan but I can’t help admiring Marilyn Monroe.

After all, who wouldn’t look up to someone who married the baseball immortal Joe DiMaggio and also married a literary giant, Arthur Miller?

I even read some quotations of hers that were somewhat memorable.

For example, “If I’d observed all the rules, I’d never have got anywhere.”


Okay, she so never was a master of the English language but who cares; I still looked up to her.


Thousands of you. well at least some of you, have asked about my picture in the profile you see to the right. Many have asked that, since I was looking up, what was I looking at?


I honestly don't know.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
January 3, 2009