I WONDER AGAIN

I happen to live in a situation where everyone here does not have English as an only language. We find it helps if, when we are watching television, we have the closed caption feature turned on as well as the audio. This feature is where the words scroll across the screen as they are being spoken. It’s primarily for people with hearing problems but we have discovered it helps our situation too.

Sometimes we see things that are missing in an audio only session. A good example was the recent US Senate hearing that pitted some Senators against the Goldman Sachs executives who were being investigated for a huge stock scandal. If you read about it in the newspaper you saw that a Senator asked, “Why did you sell securities that your own company called shitty?”

Now most people listening heard a Senator ask, “Why did you sell securities that your own company called bleep?” However, people who had the Closed Caption saw, “Why did you sell securities that your own company called s- - - -y?”

Now, what is that all about? Is there anyone older than 6 years old who doesn’t at least suspect what “shitty” means? Most people don’t use it but why is it “coded”? It must be to protect young ears from hearing it, as though that answers the problem.

The answer really is in having a child ask, "What does shitty mean, Daddy?" and having Daddy (or Mommy) explain it and add that it was a word that most people don't use because it makes the user sound ignorant. That's probably better than learning from friends that it's a giggle word you don't ever use in front of your parents.

But what do I know? In fact, if truth were to be told, I really don’t give a d- -n.

The Old Professor

Carmel, CA

April 30, 2010

I REALLY HEARD THIS

For the past couple of years I’ve been posting little tidbits here that I thought might interest someone. For the past few days I haven’t seen or heard anything I thought worthy of putting here for you to read. That is, until yesterday. Then I saw something on TV that startled me but I’m not sure it should appear here under my name inasmuch as it involves a couple of subjects that many people have strong feelings about.

I might as well say it, it involves God and homosexuality and I realize it might lose me a friend or two but here I go anyway.

I was half watching a television program. In the US there is an old commentator named Larry King. He interviews various people about almost any subject and he’s been doing it for years. The other evening I heard him interview two people and I don’t recall their names and that’s probably a good thing.

One was a lady who they said was a Country Western singer and, not surprisingly, I never heard of her. The other was the Parson of a church that I never heard of either. The young lady had just announced she was a lesbian. I couldn’t see why this was anything anyone should care much about but it did upset the Parson considerably because it went against God’s laws as clearly spelled out in his Bible.

Larry King, who is good at keeping the conversation from dragging, asked the Parson if it wasn’t true that the Bible prohibits Jews from eating shellfish.

The Parson allowed as how this was true but that later in the Bible it is allowed.

“How come?” asked Larry.

The Parson replied, and these were his exact words, “God changed his mind.”

I actually shouted out loud, “What?”

I still can’t believe it. Whatever happened to infallibility and stuff like that?

As I thought about it I felt better. If it is indeed possible that God can change his mind I hope He gets around to some of the indiscretions of my youth that apparently have me on the road to fire and brimstone. I could use a decision reversal or two.

The Old Professor

Carmel, CA

April 25, 2010

I HAVE AN EXCUSE

I suppose someone, somewhere is wondering what happened to the Old Professor for the last few days. At least I hope so.

I have a confession to make. Even at my advanced age I've been having an affair.

It all started innocently enough. I was at a local shopping center when I first saw her. I thought she was beautiful but it didn't dawn on me that it would go any farther than my thinking that.

But I was wrong.

I found myself going to sleep thinking about her beauty and waking up still absorbed with her. I probably should have quit then or perhaps sought help but instead I decided to go back and see if she was still there. She was and I took the first steps towards getting better aquatinted and, much to my surprise I realized the more time I spent with her, the more I was in love with her. Finally there was no way to do anything other than to take her home.

Click here for as a recent picture.

http://www.apple.com/imac/specs.html

Don't you agree she is beautiful. A full 27 inch, measured diagonally, iMac computer! However, as it is with most new lovers, it takes much time to get acquainted. I need to learn her ways and many of them are much different from "the way I was brought up." However, much like any relationship, it's the challenge that makes it all worthwhile.

Eventually, all will run smooth I'm sure. Then I will be able to more adequately keep up with important things, like blogging.

The Old Professor

Carmel, CA

April 18, 2010

I HAVE A RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE

I've never been much of a believer when it came to miracles of the biblical type. That is, until today. This morning I believe I experienced a genuine religious experience.

It happened, as I understand it often does, in a very unusual place. I was in a grocery store doing some ordinary shopping. As I was pushing my shopping cart around I heard a voice. It seemed to be coming from above. It was a loud and booming voice and apparently I was the only one who heard it. At least, I looked around and nobody else seemed to be expressing any surprise so I assume I was the only one hearing this voice. But I clearly recall this strong male voice that certainly grabbed my attention even though he didn't actually call me by name. I must admit I have no idea if it was the real God speaking or someone He had appointed to deliver the message to me.

I could definitely hear this thunderous voice say, "On Aisle Three, Cascade Automatic Dishwashing Detergent is on sale for today only. Buy one and get the second one for half price." Again, I looked around and apparently no one else heard this message because as I immediately headed for Aisle Three, I noticed no one else did. When I arrived there I found that, sure enough, Cascade Automatic Dishwashing Detergent was on sale. So, of course I bought it. Actually I bought two -- the second one was at half price.

On the way home I wondered, and I still wonder, why I was chosen to receive this message especially since we don't own a dishwasher. I half expected -- no, I fully expected to arrive home and find an automatic dishwasher all hooked up and ready to go accept for the detergent. Such was not the case -- at least not yet. Maybe that comes later. They say He moves in mysterious ways.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 09, 2010

I GO BACK TO SCHOOL

The other day I discovered something that I didn't realize even existed. There is a computer program called iTunes. This connects to a site where music can be purchased and downloaded. In addition, I discovered there is a place called iTuneU. That's where the letter "U." stands for "University."

I went online and visited there to see what was going on and was amazed to find out there are, literally, thousands of things available that can be downloaded for free. There's a whole bunch of classical music and there are many, many educational courses. One that caught my eye was, "How to Create Apps for iPhone." In as much as I have recently acquired an iPhone and am currently using many of the apps (applications) that are available for free, I decided to take advantage of this course which was being offered by Stanford University.

It took me about three hours to download all of the lectures in the slides that went with them.

Then I started take the course and fired up Lesson One. It turns out that I was watching a video recording of an actual class, with the actual professor, in front of an actual chalkboard. Though it seemed strange to me that the professor appeared to be about 12 years old, I decided to go ahead anyway. I then discovered there was a prerequisite to this course called "Object Oriented Programming" or something like that. My not having this prerequisite didn't bother me. After all, here I was "taking" a course with a bunch of college kids. Certainly my maturity and vast experience would enable me to not only keep up with the class but probably forge ahead.

So, I listened attentively to this young boy who was pretending to be a professor. He provided various information regarding office hours, due dates for assignments, grading and things like that. So far, no problem at all. Just as I thought. I can do this easily.

Then he started describing what I think was the content of the course. When I say, "I think" it's because from that point on I didn't even understand one word. Oh, there were a few words such as, "the" or I think I heard an "also" in there but I'm not sure. After a few minutes of talking gibberish he did say, "Are there any questions?"

Mentally I said, "Are you kidding?" That's a question!

I withdrew from the class which involved pressing the Delete Key a few times and wondered what happened to education since I left over 30 years ago. Things sure have have deteriorated. When I was the one in front of the class we put out good information that was understandable. Education sure has changed.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 08, 2010

I DREAM THEREFORE I AM ......

Last night I dreamt I met and chatted with a movie star. Now, it’s my understanding that whatever I dream comes from within my mind and not from any outside source and that’s the part that puzzles me. I guess I could dream of meeting any of the glamor queens of my era such as
Ava Gardner










Or,

Rita Hayworth










Or, in my dream I could probably even marry
Elizabeth Taylor










If I’d be willing to wait in line.

So, why would I dream about Abe Vigoda?










I remember that I enjoyed seeing Mr. Vigoda as the detective called, "Fish" on the Barney Miller TV series in the late 70s. He also had a prominent role in the movie, “The Godfather”.

Though, in my dream, I had an interesting conversation with him I wonder why my psyche chose him instead of the other choices I mentioned. I wonder if it’s something I should be concerned about and perhaps seek professional help.

It’s probably just an age thing.

The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 05, 2010