I suppose everyone has, at one time, had trouble getting to sleep. In my case, my mind will keep moving from one subject to another in spite of my trying to get it back to think of peaceful, sleep-inducing scenes.
But have you ever done this? Last night I fell asleep easily and then lapsed into a dream where I was having trouble falling asleep. Now that is weird. Or as my Mother used to say, “No, he’s just different.”
11/12/2004
11/09/2004
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A BIG SCREEN TV
I have always wanted a big screen TV set.
It is working wonderfully except for one problem
The remote control is difficult to handle.
FAMILY VALUES AND STUFF LIKE THAT
Okay, I’ve had it! I’ve heard quite enough about our nation getting back to “the fundamentals upon which our nation was founded”. Hold on a minute!
This nation was originally founded by a bunch of religious fanatics who wanted to set up a colony where their religious beliefs were strictly adhered to and no others were tolerated. Does any of this sound familiar to you yet?
It’s pointed out that early on these Pilgrims set up educational programs to educate the young in reading. This was not for any altruistic reason; it was so they would be able to read the Bible. This somehow promoted these “family values” we hear so much about these days. What were some of these values?
How about a man not being permitted to kiss his wife in public? In seventieth century New England a certain Captain Kimble, upon returning from a three-years' ocean voyage, kissed his wife on his own doorstep and spent two hours in the stocks for his "lewd and unseemly behavior”.
How about it being a penal offense for a man to wear long hair, or to smoke in the street, or for a youth to court a maid without the consent of her parents?
How about one law that forbade the wearing of lace, another of "slashed clothes other than one slash in each sleeve and another in the back”?
I’m not making this stuff up. You can check it out by clicking here
Please think of this when you hear politicians talking about returning to the values our forefathers established when founding this country.
If that’s what you really want, there are a few groups who still live this way.
None of them are in Washington, DC.
This nation was originally founded by a bunch of religious fanatics who wanted to set up a colony where their religious beliefs were strictly adhered to and no others were tolerated. Does any of this sound familiar to you yet?
It’s pointed out that early on these Pilgrims set up educational programs to educate the young in reading. This was not for any altruistic reason; it was so they would be able to read the Bible. This somehow promoted these “family values” we hear so much about these days. What were some of these values?
How about a man not being permitted to kiss his wife in public? In seventieth century New England a certain Captain Kimble, upon returning from a three-years' ocean voyage, kissed his wife on his own doorstep and spent two hours in the stocks for his "lewd and unseemly behavior”.
How about it being a penal offense for a man to wear long hair, or to smoke in the street, or for a youth to court a maid without the consent of her parents?
How about one law that forbade the wearing of lace, another of "slashed clothes other than one slash in each sleeve and another in the back”?
I’m not making this stuff up. You can check it out by clicking here
Please think of this when you hear politicians talking about returning to the values our forefathers established when founding this country.
If that’s what you really want, there are a few groups who still live this way.
None of them are in Washington, DC.
11/06/2004
IT SAYS IT ALL
This just about says it all for me.
This is The Old Prof and I approve this message.
(Cover courtesy of Daily Mirror)
11/05/2004
AT LAST I WIN BIG
Yesterday I received a huge white envelope in the mail. It was the biggest envelope I have seen in some time. It measured 9.5 by 12 inches.
It was from Mutual of Omaha, a life insurance company.
There was a stamp that called it urgent and suggested – no, ordered me to open it immediately
Then there was our address that also contained wonderful information.
1. The policy status was “PRE-APPROVED”
2. Coverage was “GUARANTEED LIFE INSURANCE”
3. The value: “UP TO $10,000”
It was from Mutual of Omaha, a life insurance company.
There was a stamp that called it urgent and suggested – no, ordered me to open it immediately
Then there was our address that also contained wonderful information.
1. The policy status was “PRE-APPROVED”
2. Coverage was “GUARANTEED LIFE INSURANCE”
3. The value: “UP TO $10,000”
What a winner! But it gets even better for me. The address was correct but the addressee was my late wife who passed away more than 3 years ago. She never was connected to this address at all and I have no idea how it came here addressed to her.
However, since the Omaha people were generous enough to offer her a PRE-APPROVED policy GUARANTEED for UP TO $10,000, I can see no reason to decline their generous offer.
I suppose there’s a catch somewhere. They probably want the first premium paid but, even then, I would come out ahead. And, if they need a check, I think there are still some of her checks around here someplace.
I'm just guessing, but knowing how slowly these big companies move, it will proably be a couple of weeks before I actually get the money. I can wait.
It’s about time the little guy got a break. Maybe this George W. Bush guy isn’t as bad as I thought he would be.
TERMITES & COWS ARE KILLING US
The news has really been around for some time now, but it seems there are legitimate scientists who believe that most, if not all, of the world’s ecological problems are caused by flatulence from cows and termites. They have actual statistics showing how much methane gas, which is the principal component of natural gas, and what flatulence actually is, gets expelled into the atmosphere. They then show how it affects everything from the ozone to global warming, as well as causing everything from smog to premenstrual syndrome.
Information is presented in such a compelling manner that disputing it is difficult but it still leaves me with big questions.
How do they measure the flatulence? Now, with the cows it shouldn’t be too difficult. Anyone of the universities in the Red States would have an agriculture program. They could provide the cows. Then the athletic department could provide the two people who are needed to collect the data. These people would only need to know which end of the cow was the front, as the belching would also need to be taken into consideration. After that it’s matter of following a cow around and waiting until some noise comes out of the cow and making a mark on a piece of paper, noting which end it came from. Simple enough for most college students.
But with termites it would seem to be another matter. As far as I know, termite flatulence is silent, so there must be some kind of instrument that is used. What would it be like? Is it inserted into some cavity on the termite’s body? If so, how do you get the termite into that position? I can’t picture the termite bending over a table or having its feet up in little tiny stirrups.
The other alternative of having the termite wear some device seems silly to me.
That only leaves me with one conclusion. The scientists are guessing. They can measure how much methane there is in the atmosphere and how many termites there are, but they can only guess at other sources, like the fat lady who was on the bus with me last week. She had to be factored in as at least 1,000 termites or one cow.
I conclude that this information is, at best, sketchy but personally, if I were going to be anywhere near the ozone layer I wouldn’t choose that time light up. Or near that fat lady on the bus.
Information is presented in such a compelling manner that disputing it is difficult but it still leaves me with big questions.
How do they measure the flatulence? Now, with the cows it shouldn’t be too difficult. Anyone of the universities in the Red States would have an agriculture program. They could provide the cows. Then the athletic department could provide the two people who are needed to collect the data. These people would only need to know which end of the cow was the front, as the belching would also need to be taken into consideration. After that it’s matter of following a cow around and waiting until some noise comes out of the cow and making a mark on a piece of paper, noting which end it came from. Simple enough for most college students.
But with termites it would seem to be another matter. As far as I know, termite flatulence is silent, so there must be some kind of instrument that is used. What would it be like? Is it inserted into some cavity on the termite’s body? If so, how do you get the termite into that position? I can’t picture the termite bending over a table or having its feet up in little tiny stirrups.
The other alternative of having the termite wear some device seems silly to me.
That only leaves me with one conclusion. The scientists are guessing. They can measure how much methane there is in the atmosphere and how many termites there are, but they can only guess at other sources, like the fat lady who was on the bus with me last week. She had to be factored in as at least 1,000 termites or one cow.
I conclude that this information is, at best, sketchy but personally, if I were going to be anywhere near the ozone layer I wouldn’t choose that time light up. Or near that fat lady on the bus.
11/04/2004
HUMILITY
Many sports have away of deflating one’s pride. Golf is a good example. The game allows a person to improve to a point where some pride is possibly justified and then, all of a sudden, it’s gone and the player needs to start over.
I expect this from most sports but not walking. What could happen when walking? A lot can happen.
Maybe you saw my blog of September 18, 2004 called:
A CASE FOR WOGGING AT A TRACK.
If not, you can read it by looking into my September archives to the right.
You may recall that I started a regular walking/jogging exercise routine at the local high school track. I began this about 10 months ago. I go there at about the same time; early almost every morning. Mostly the same people are there although they do come and go. I am far and away the senior member (oldest) of the group.
I have been working at improving my performance and thought I was doing well. I started by not being able to even walk for half a mile. I now do between one and a half miles and 2 miles each morning. In addition I have worked my time down so that I am doing a 20-minute mile. To me this is a pretty good speed and I end up perspiring, breathing hard with an elevated pulse rate. Plus that, my legs are telling me that I have been working.
I was very pleased with that until I picked up the paper the other day and some, so called, doctor was explaining that everyone needed exercise. He said it didn’t need to be much excercise. “A simple half hour walk at a brisk 15-minute mile pace is fine.”
15-minute mile pace? A 20-minute mile is pushing it for me. What a quack!
But yesterday I was humiliated even more.
In all the time I’ve been doing this, many people have overtaken me and passed me. I have never passed anyone. I almost did once when a man fell down but he got up before I could pass him. Then yesterday morning I was chugging along, listening to Louis Armstrong in my earphones and I could hear footsteps coming up behind me. I thought nothing of this until the man passed me and I notice he was jogging backwards! He was facing me and grinning - possibly laughing.
I muttered unkind things under my breath.
He probably was that quack who calls himself a doctor.
I expect this from most sports but not walking. What could happen when walking? A lot can happen.
Maybe you saw my blog of September 18, 2004 called:
A CASE FOR WOGGING AT A TRACK.
If not, you can read it by looking into my September archives to the right.
You may recall that I started a regular walking/jogging exercise routine at the local high school track. I began this about 10 months ago. I go there at about the same time; early almost every morning. Mostly the same people are there although they do come and go. I am far and away the senior member (oldest) of the group.
I have been working at improving my performance and thought I was doing well. I started by not being able to even walk for half a mile. I now do between one and a half miles and 2 miles each morning. In addition I have worked my time down so that I am doing a 20-minute mile. To me this is a pretty good speed and I end up perspiring, breathing hard with an elevated pulse rate. Plus that, my legs are telling me that I have been working.
I was very pleased with that until I picked up the paper the other day and some, so called, doctor was explaining that everyone needed exercise. He said it didn’t need to be much excercise. “A simple half hour walk at a brisk 15-minute mile pace is fine.”
15-minute mile pace? A 20-minute mile is pushing it for me. What a quack!
But yesterday I was humiliated even more.
In all the time I’ve been doing this, many people have overtaken me and passed me. I have never passed anyone. I almost did once when a man fell down but he got up before I could pass him. Then yesterday morning I was chugging along, listening to Louis Armstrong in my earphones and I could hear footsteps coming up behind me. I thought nothing of this until the man passed me and I notice he was jogging backwards! He was facing me and grinning - possibly laughing.
I muttered unkind things under my breath.
He probably was that quack who calls himself a doctor.
11/03/2004
THE DEMISE OF THE BELL CURVE??
Most people have at least heard of the famous Bell Curve. This famous theory contends that, given a sufficient sample, distribution of almost anything can be graphically represented by a curve which is, more or less, shaped like a bell with most of the samples in the middle while tapering off both ends. To create a hypothetical example, if the height of all of the males in a certain large city were to be measured it would show there were a few men who were very tall and a few very who were very short. The largest proportion of the men would be somewhere in between. The distribution takes the shape of a bell.
As an example;
Note there are approximately the same numbers of people on the Genius side of average as there are on the Moron side of Average. This is normal.
However, something that baffles scientists happened on November 2, 2004. For some unknown reason there was a dramatic shift as shown on the skewed bell curve below.
As an example;
Note there are approximately the same numbers of people on the Genius side of average as there are on the Moron side of Average. This is normal.
However, something that baffles scientists happened on November 2, 2004. For some unknown reason there was a dramatic shift as shown on the skewed bell curve below.
Scientists are still trying to figure out why American intelligence disappeared so all of a sudden. It may be that American intelligence never was that intelligent. It couldn’t find any weapons of mass destruction.
11/01/2004
LOOK AND LEARN
It was more than 10 years ago now. In the summer of 1994 I received a Certificate of Competence from the National Society of Internet Instructors.
This certificate has been framed and hung proudly on my wall since then.
Besides having a gold seal in the corner, it states that I have been awarded this certificate,
“On Having Met All The Criteria Required For Certification As An Internet Instructor”
This certificate, plus some bravado, has enabled me to teach several Internet classes a various levels.
I use the word “bravado” as in “a false show of bravery”. There’s a reason for this is. As far as I know, there is no “National Society of Internet Instructors”. If there is, I think it would only have one member.
I made the certificate myself and printed it on special paper. Did you know that offices supply places sell special paper just for certificates? And they sell gold seals that look a lot more golden than the scanned image of my certificate.
The most amazing thing to me is that I have proudlly shown this certificate to many people and no one has noticed it is signed by the same person it is awarded to.
There is a lesson here to think about.
“Don’t let a framed certificate make you think it is anything more than a piece of paper.”
BEST LAID PLANS, AND ALL THAT
When I began this collection of sense and nonsense, it was my intention to add something daily, or almost daily.
As the saying goes, "The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men gang aft agley." That was the poet, Robert Burns giving his interpretation to, “No matter what you do, it will get screwed up.” (I didn’t take all the English Lit courses for nuttin.)
It all began when She mentioned there might be a small leak under the kitchen sink. She deduced this by the puddle of water there so She thought there “might be” a leak.
Being the man of the house, of course I could fix this. I started by looking under the sink. Sure enough, there was a small puddle of water. Independently I came to the same conclusion. It appeared there was as small leak under the kitchen sink.
I could handle this. First, I needed to go to the garage and get some tools to make the necessary repairs. No problem.
I crawled under the sink and began to make the needed adjustment when I realized that somehow a part had broken and water had spurted all over the place, including directly in my face. After I shut the water off I had time to examine the faulty part and concluded it needed to be replaced. This involved a trip to the hardware store where I purchased the part with no trouble. I suppose I should have asked someone at that time but I neglected to buy the special wrench that’s needed to install the part. So, I can’t blame anyone for the second trip to the hardware store, as it was solely my fault.
Now, as most people know, and now I do too, these parts are located in positions where it is impossible to for any normal human being to reach, much less do whatever it is that needs to be done after you do reach it. So, this involved calling a plumber who agreed to attempt to fit me into his busy schedule.
Eventually two plumbers arrived. One knew how to fix pipe things and the other knew how to write on a clipboard. They smiled and made remarks about this really being a job for a professional and eventually they left and went to another job. I was left with a new garbage disposal, some new gadget for inside the faucet and a bill for one third of the National Debt.
You can see how much of by blog posting time this is consuming, but that wasn’t all.
I went back to the hardware store to see if they were hiring any part-time employees in order to get some money to pay for the leak repair. I got to meet with the manager who was a little punk kid who couldn’t have been more than 60 years old, if that.
He told me they no longer employ octogenarians since the last one had died on the job, thereby clogging the aisles with paramedics and firemen. He said, “We lost more money that day than we saved by hiring him at less than minimum wage.”
So, you get some idea of why I haven’t had time to post much here. In fact, I can’t do very much right now either. I’m expecting the plumbers to return to fix a small leak under the kitchen sink. It’s still there. So I will get this blog posted sometime between 8 and 12, unless they are late.
P.S. They just called. It will be between 1 and 4.
As the saying goes, "The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men gang aft agley." That was the poet, Robert Burns giving his interpretation to, “No matter what you do, it will get screwed up.” (I didn’t take all the English Lit courses for nuttin.)
It all began when She mentioned there might be a small leak under the kitchen sink. She deduced this by the puddle of water there so She thought there “might be” a leak.
Being the man of the house, of course I could fix this. I started by looking under the sink. Sure enough, there was a small puddle of water. Independently I came to the same conclusion. It appeared there was as small leak under the kitchen sink.
I could handle this. First, I needed to go to the garage and get some tools to make the necessary repairs. No problem.
I crawled under the sink and began to make the needed adjustment when I realized that somehow a part had broken and water had spurted all over the place, including directly in my face. After I shut the water off I had time to examine the faulty part and concluded it needed to be replaced. This involved a trip to the hardware store where I purchased the part with no trouble. I suppose I should have asked someone at that time but I neglected to buy the special wrench that’s needed to install the part. So, I can’t blame anyone for the second trip to the hardware store, as it was solely my fault.
Now, as most people know, and now I do too, these parts are located in positions where it is impossible to for any normal human being to reach, much less do whatever it is that needs to be done after you do reach it. So, this involved calling a plumber who agreed to attempt to fit me into his busy schedule.
Eventually two plumbers arrived. One knew how to fix pipe things and the other knew how to write on a clipboard. They smiled and made remarks about this really being a job for a professional and eventually they left and went to another job. I was left with a new garbage disposal, some new gadget for inside the faucet and a bill for one third of the National Debt.
You can see how much of by blog posting time this is consuming, but that wasn’t all.
I went back to the hardware store to see if they were hiring any part-time employees in order to get some money to pay for the leak repair. I got to meet with the manager who was a little punk kid who couldn’t have been more than 60 years old, if that.
He told me they no longer employ octogenarians since the last one had died on the job, thereby clogging the aisles with paramedics and firemen. He said, “We lost more money that day than we saved by hiring him at less than minimum wage.”
So, you get some idea of why I haven’t had time to post much here. In fact, I can’t do very much right now either. I’m expecting the plumbers to return to fix a small leak under the kitchen sink. It’s still there. So I will get this blog posted sometime between 8 and 12, unless they are late.
P.S. They just called. It will be between 1 and 4.
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