A couple of days ago I wrote about creating a short story I called "Steinbeck Is Dead." I found I had made a mistake (Crowd gasps!) and clicking the suggested link didn't work.
It works now.
At least I think it works now and if you are interested you can also click here -- I think.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 25, 2011
6/25/2011
6/23/2011
A SECRET I'LL SHARE
It dawned on me that I ran across a great secret and yet I’ve never seen mentioned anywhere. I can personally vouch for its validity and will pass it on to you as my contribution to future generations.
The road to the discovery I made began when I accidentally fell and broke my hip about a year ago. I use the word “accidentally” because there are some people who seem to think I did it deliberately to avoid certain chores around the house but that simply is not true. It was an accident.
After the surgery I was fortunate enough to qualify for some intensive physical therapy for about a month. At the end of that time I was mobile but far from being back to what I was. However, this did not bother me because I clearly remembered going into the U.S. Navy Flight Training program and bring whipped into great shape. It only took about three months.
So, I set about mimicking that training routine and it was difficult but I knew it would get easier in three months. I had done it before, I certainly could do it again if I set my mind to it.
Three months later I deduced that wasn’t true. I had given it my best shot and after three months I was no better, possibly worse, than before I started.
I think I have finally have the answer and I figured this out without the help of any outside guidance. It was fairly simple: The human body at 20 years old is not the same as the human body when it’s 88 years old.
You would think that, along the way, someone would have mentioned this. But “No”, I was left to figure it out myself.
So, I now pass it along to you and hope you never actually need this information. However, if you do, I am positive the 20-year old body and the 88-year old body are not identical. Or even close.
My advice is still the same: Don’t fall down! This is an age-neutral piece of advice and it’s the same if you are 20 years old with a slight case of acne or a mature 88 with gray hair that makes you look sexy.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 23, 2011
The road to the discovery I made began when I accidentally fell and broke my hip about a year ago. I use the word “accidentally” because there are some people who seem to think I did it deliberately to avoid certain chores around the house but that simply is not true. It was an accident.
After the surgery I was fortunate enough to qualify for some intensive physical therapy for about a month. At the end of that time I was mobile but far from being back to what I was. However, this did not bother me because I clearly remembered going into the U.S. Navy Flight Training program and bring whipped into great shape. It only took about three months.
So, I set about mimicking that training routine and it was difficult but I knew it would get easier in three months. I had done it before, I certainly could do it again if I set my mind to it.
Three months later I deduced that wasn’t true. I had given it my best shot and after three months I was no better, possibly worse, than before I started.
I think I have finally have the answer and I figured this out without the help of any outside guidance. It was fairly simple: The human body at 20 years old is not the same as the human body when it’s 88 years old.
You would think that, along the way, someone would have mentioned this. But “No”, I was left to figure it out myself.
So, I now pass it along to you and hope you never actually need this information. However, if you do, I am positive the 20-year old body and the 88-year old body are not identical. Or even close.
My advice is still the same: Don’t fall down! This is an age-neutral piece of advice and it’s the same if you are 20 years old with a slight case of acne or a mature 88 with gray hair that makes you look sexy.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 23, 2011
6/22/2011
I WROTE A STORY
Many of you may have heard of a program called OLLI. To quote from the catalog:
The Osher Lifelong Learning Institute at CSU Monterey Bay was established in 2007 with a grant from the Bernard Osher Foundation. We bring the joy and stimulation of lifelong learning to adults age 50 and better who are interested in university-level education without the pressure of course credits or grades.
This program exists at many colleges and last year I signed up for a “Writers’ Circle” group. Each week we would get together and read, comment and occasionally praise each others efforts.
There was one man who laughingly referred to himself as “The Adverb Police.” He would take whatever I wrote and circle all the words ending with “ly.” The contention was that using these adverbs constituted “bad writing.” And he was not alone in that belief. Many respected authorities agree.
So, sort of as a joke, I started to write a short story about all the books with adverbs in the title being missing from the library. I got so interested in writing the story and it kind of “got away from me.” I had intended to read it at the meeting but it became much longer than I had thought it would.
I think it's a fun story to read so I posted it at my website for anyone and everyone to read. The title is “Steinbeck Is Dead” and you should be able to read it by clicking on that title or here.
I hope you enjoy it and I'd appreciate any comments or questions to oldprof@oldprof.com
P.S. There are several hidden giggles in the story. If you think you may have missed them, and that's probably, I'll be happy to point them out. Just ask me via e-mail at oldprof@oldprof.com
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 22, 2011
The Osher Lifelong Learning Institute at CSU Monterey Bay was established in 2007 with a grant from the Bernard Osher Foundation. We bring the joy and stimulation of lifelong learning to adults age 50 and better who are interested in university-level education without the pressure of course credits or grades.
This program exists at many colleges and last year I signed up for a “Writers’ Circle” group. Each week we would get together and read, comment and occasionally praise each others efforts.
There was one man who laughingly referred to himself as “The Adverb Police.” He would take whatever I wrote and circle all the words ending with “ly.” The contention was that using these adverbs constituted “bad writing.” And he was not alone in that belief. Many respected authorities agree.
So, sort of as a joke, I started to write a short story about all the books with adverbs in the title being missing from the library. I got so interested in writing the story and it kind of “got away from me.” I had intended to read it at the meeting but it became much longer than I had thought it would.
I think it's a fun story to read so I posted it at my website for anyone and everyone to read. The title is “Steinbeck Is Dead” and you should be able to read it by clicking on that title or here.
I hope you enjoy it and I'd appreciate any comments or questions to oldprof@oldprof.com
P.S. There are several hidden giggles in the story. If you think you may have missed them, and that's probably, I'll be happy to point them out. Just ask me via e-mail at oldprof@oldprof.com
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 22, 2011
6/21/2011
I AM STILL HERE ALIVE AND --- WELL?
I recently received e-mails from many people who said they missed my regular blogging. Well, two actually.
It’s always nice to be missed and it’s true, I started blogging about 7 or 8 years ago but lately haven’t seemed to come up with anything that even interests me.
It may be an age thing but I don’t think so. It’s more probable that I have said everything worth saying and there is a seldom observed rule: “When one has nothing more to say one should stop talking.”
Of course, exceptions are made for politicians who must keep talking lest people forget they are there making them potential candidates for the unemployment line. There are already too many unemployed without my causing more.
I don’t mean to imply that a politician being unemployed would necessarily be a bad thing. For many we would notice a major improvement in the way government functions.
I certainly appreciate being missed and don’t want to lose any friends, even the invisible kind. They aren’t the same as “the imaginary kind” though I don’t want to lose those either. Some of them are my best friends.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 21, 2011
It’s always nice to be missed and it’s true, I started blogging about 7 or 8 years ago but lately haven’t seemed to come up with anything that even interests me.
It may be an age thing but I don’t think so. It’s more probable that I have said everything worth saying and there is a seldom observed rule: “When one has nothing more to say one should stop talking.”
Of course, exceptions are made for politicians who must keep talking lest people forget they are there making them potential candidates for the unemployment line. There are already too many unemployed without my causing more.
I don’t mean to imply that a politician being unemployed would necessarily be a bad thing. For many we would notice a major improvement in the way government functions.
I certainly appreciate being missed and don’t want to lose any friends, even the invisible kind. They aren’t the same as “the imaginary kind” though I don’t want to lose those either. Some of them are my best friends.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
June 21, 2011
5/15/2011
THAT IS NOT WHAT GUYS DO!!!
Recently I ran across something on a television program. A couple were having marital problems. She complained that he had terrible manners and was always eating with his hands, passing gas, burping, and doing other things she found objectionable.
His reply is that she should get used to it because, “That’s what guys do.”
No, they don’t!
At least they didn’t in any house I’ve ever lived in.
However, it did remind me of something I had almost forgotten. This happened to me when I was 13 years old.
My best friend was Bob, who happened to be an only child. One day his mother invited me to have dinner with them. It was probably my first dinner away from my family and I was a bit nervous as to what I should do.
When dinner was served we each had a t-bone steak.
I was aghast when I saw Bob pick his up with his hands and start eating it. Bob’s mother smiled and said, “That’s alright when we're at home.”
I couldn’t help but think it certainly wouldn’t be allowed at my house.
Fast forward 4 years. Bob and I were in the same high school graduating class. Our school held two functions for graduating seniors. One was the Senior Prom and, I suppose mostly for non-dancers, there was the Senior Banquet.
The Senior Banquet was a semi-formal affair held at a big hotel. There was a head table with school officials making humorous speeches along the “Now We are Equal” line.
For the dinner we sat at tables of six boys or six girls. I don’t recall any being mixed. I sat at a table directly across from Bob.
When the food was served it was a steak dinner! I watched as Bob looked at his plate, looked around and then looked some more. He finally picked up his steak knife and started to work on the steak. When he made his first move, the steak slid off the plate, across the table and landed on the floor.
Bob said, “Oops”, picked it up, wiped it off, put it back on his plate and eventually managed to eat it.
Bob and I stayed in touch after graduation and even exchanged V-Mail notes when he went in the Army and I joined the Navy.
One day I collected my mail and my most recent letter to Bob had been returned. Across the front, in big bold letters, was DECEASED.
Bob died in the South Pacific. I never did know if he learned to eat steak. Possibly not. During World War II steak was a rarity.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 15, 2011
His reply is that she should get used to it because, “That’s what guys do.”
No, they don’t!
At least they didn’t in any house I’ve ever lived in.
However, it did remind me of something I had almost forgotten. This happened to me when I was 13 years old.
My best friend was Bob, who happened to be an only child. One day his mother invited me to have dinner with them. It was probably my first dinner away from my family and I was a bit nervous as to what I should do.
When dinner was served we each had a t-bone steak.
I was aghast when I saw Bob pick his up with his hands and start eating it. Bob’s mother smiled and said, “That’s alright when we're at home.”
I couldn’t help but think it certainly wouldn’t be allowed at my house.
Fast forward 4 years. Bob and I were in the same high school graduating class. Our school held two functions for graduating seniors. One was the Senior Prom and, I suppose mostly for non-dancers, there was the Senior Banquet.
The Senior Banquet was a semi-formal affair held at a big hotel. There was a head table with school officials making humorous speeches along the “Now We are Equal” line.
For the dinner we sat at tables of six boys or six girls. I don’t recall any being mixed. I sat at a table directly across from Bob.
When the food was served it was a steak dinner! I watched as Bob looked at his plate, looked around and then looked some more. He finally picked up his steak knife and started to work on the steak. When he made his first move, the steak slid off the plate, across the table and landed on the floor.
Bob said, “Oops”, picked it up, wiped it off, put it back on his plate and eventually managed to eat it.
Bob and I stayed in touch after graduation and even exchanged V-Mail notes when he went in the Army and I joined the Navy.
One day I collected my mail and my most recent letter to Bob had been returned. Across the front, in big bold letters, was DECEASED.
Bob died in the South Pacific. I never did know if he learned to eat steak. Possibly not. During World War II steak was a rarity.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 15, 2011
5/03/2011
IT ISN'T RIGHT
Once again I find myself in a minority position but not sure enough of myself enough to actually stand up and say, "This isn't right." But it isn't.
I'm talking about this Bin Laden feeding frenzy. The President of the United States came out and announced, "We got him!" or words to that effect and everyone took to the streets waving flags and yelling "You Ess Aye." I even saw one of the New York tabloids (not that they are famous for good taste) with the headline,"ROT IN HELL." That isn't right!
That isn't the way we do things in You Ess Aye. Even the most despicable characters are given a trial and, with the exception of O.J. Simpson, executed if guilty. We did it for that Saddam guy in Iraq and everyone felt justice was served. It should be even more important that, "We did it our way."
This most recent feeding frenzy makes me feel uneasy. Can you say, "German Jew?"
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 3, 2011
I'm talking about this Bin Laden feeding frenzy. The President of the United States came out and announced, "We got him!" or words to that effect and everyone took to the streets waving flags and yelling "You Ess Aye." I even saw one of the New York tabloids (not that they are famous for good taste) with the headline,"ROT IN HELL." That isn't right!
That isn't the way we do things in You Ess Aye. Even the most despicable characters are given a trial and, with the exception of O.J. Simpson, executed if guilty. We did it for that Saddam guy in Iraq and everyone felt justice was served. It should be even more important that, "We did it our way."
This most recent feeding frenzy makes me feel uneasy. Can you say, "German Jew?"
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 3, 2011
5/02/2011
ADDICTIONS
The other day I saw a television program discussing addictions. There were various medical people explaining how addiction is something that happens in the brain and they talked about how to go about trying to fix it.
It occurred to me that I must be, for certain, what they called, “an addictive personality.” In my lifetime, which isn’t nearly over, I’ve suffered from at least two major addictions not even considering that being married 4 times probably makes me an marriage addict.
At one time I smoked two and a half packs of cigarettes every day. That’s 50 cigarettes as I recall. I did that for more than 50 years and one day I quit.
Additionally, I regularly drank at least “a fifth” of vodka every day even when I was working and was unable to start drinking until my workday was done. I did better than that on the weekends if more is better.
For those unfamiliar with the term “a fifth”, that’s one fifth of a gallon and in the United States it’s about 26 ounces.
I think I was more than qualified to be classified as “alcoholic.” However, I didn’t want to enroll in Alcoholics Anonymous because I understood they would want me to stop drinking and I didn’t want to stop. It made me feel good when I drank. Occasionally it didn’t make others connected to me feel good, but at the time I would be unaware of that.
Today I neither smoke nor drink. How did I that happen?
Maybe it doesn’t hold true for everyone but stopping smoking was a little easier. My wife of the time and I had sold our home and had bought a brand new motor home which we drove all over the country for about 3 or 4 years. When the motor home was new the interior had a nice clean, smell and, not wanting to spoil that, my wife and I would step outside when we wanted to smoke.
One day it was pouring rain and we were standing under the awning smoking. We looked at each other and sensed what we were doing wasn’t very intelligent. One of us said, “This is stupid.” and we never smoked again and that was over 20 years ago.
The drinking was a little different. That didn’t seem to make anything smell bad so I kept doing that, though as years went by I knew I should slow down.
Then, about 15 years ago I suffered a seizure. I had never experienced one before and was lucky to have only bumped my head.
A medication called Dilantin was prescribed.
I then underwent all kinds of test and the specialists could find no reason for the siezure and my doctor said I no longer needed to take the Dilantin.
He was wrong. I had a second seizure.
This time I was in bed and am told I didn’t fall out of bed or hit anything but the muscle contractions alone were strong enough to shatter my right shoulder and I was left with a shoulder that is constantly at some level of pain and can’t lift my right hand much above my head. And I am using the Dilantin again.
On the Dilantin bottle it says, “Do not use alcohol when using this drug.”
That’s all it took for me. That was my last drink. As much as I enjoyed it and would even enjoy a glass of wine now and then, there was no way I’d even take an outside chance of another seizure.
That was about 15 years ago and it seems to be working all right now and I have become used to the pain.
Now, I’m not suggesting this as a substitute for Alcoholics Anonymous but it did work for me. At least so far.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 2, 2011
It occurred to me that I must be, for certain, what they called, “an addictive personality.” In my lifetime, which isn’t nearly over, I’ve suffered from at least two major addictions not even considering that being married 4 times probably makes me an marriage addict.
At one time I smoked two and a half packs of cigarettes every day. That’s 50 cigarettes as I recall. I did that for more than 50 years and one day I quit.
Additionally, I regularly drank at least “a fifth” of vodka every day even when I was working and was unable to start drinking until my workday was done. I did better than that on the weekends if more is better.
For those unfamiliar with the term “a fifth”, that’s one fifth of a gallon and in the United States it’s about 26 ounces.
I think I was more than qualified to be classified as “alcoholic.” However, I didn’t want to enroll in Alcoholics Anonymous because I understood they would want me to stop drinking and I didn’t want to stop. It made me feel good when I drank. Occasionally it didn’t make others connected to me feel good, but at the time I would be unaware of that.
Today I neither smoke nor drink. How did I that happen?
Maybe it doesn’t hold true for everyone but stopping smoking was a little easier. My wife of the time and I had sold our home and had bought a brand new motor home which we drove all over the country for about 3 or 4 years. When the motor home was new the interior had a nice clean, smell and, not wanting to spoil that, my wife and I would step outside when we wanted to smoke.
One day it was pouring rain and we were standing under the awning smoking. We looked at each other and sensed what we were doing wasn’t very intelligent. One of us said, “This is stupid.” and we never smoked again and that was over 20 years ago.
The drinking was a little different. That didn’t seem to make anything smell bad so I kept doing that, though as years went by I knew I should slow down.
Then, about 15 years ago I suffered a seizure. I had never experienced one before and was lucky to have only bumped my head.
A medication called Dilantin was prescribed.
I then underwent all kinds of test and the specialists could find no reason for the siezure and my doctor said I no longer needed to take the Dilantin.
He was wrong. I had a second seizure.
This time I was in bed and am told I didn’t fall out of bed or hit anything but the muscle contractions alone were strong enough to shatter my right shoulder and I was left with a shoulder that is constantly at some level of pain and can’t lift my right hand much above my head. And I am using the Dilantin again.
On the Dilantin bottle it says, “Do not use alcohol when using this drug.”
That’s all it took for me. That was my last drink. As much as I enjoyed it and would even enjoy a glass of wine now and then, there was no way I’d even take an outside chance of another seizure.
That was about 15 years ago and it seems to be working all right now and I have become used to the pain.
Now, I’m not suggesting this as a substitute for Alcoholics Anonymous but it did work for me. At least so far.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
May 2, 2011
4/29/2011
THE ROYAL WEDDING IN ENGLAND
So England’s Royal Wedding is now history and Prince William and Catherine Middleton are now man and wife.
I didn’t actually see it but understand they were married by the Bishop of London who delivered a short sermon after the ceremony.
It brought back some memories of my first marriage. It was with a traditional Catholic mass and after the priest “Pronounced us man and wife” he leaned forward. I assumed he was going to send us off with wise advice or at least wish us well. Instead he came close to me and whispered, “Get out fast. I have a funeral coming in.”
Perhaps that had something to do with why that marriage never “worked out.” Maybe we didn’t get out fast enough.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 29, 2011
I didn’t actually see it but understand they were married by the Bishop of London who delivered a short sermon after the ceremony.
It brought back some memories of my first marriage. It was with a traditional Catholic mass and after the priest “Pronounced us man and wife” he leaned forward. I assumed he was going to send us off with wise advice or at least wish us well. Instead he came close to me and whispered, “Get out fast. I have a funeral coming in.”
Perhaps that had something to do with why that marriage never “worked out.” Maybe we didn’t get out fast enough.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 29, 2011
4/19/2011
AN EPIPHANY
Epiphany noun • a moment of sudden revelation or insight.
Yes, I think that’s it. I recently had a legitimate epiphany.
It was last Saturday and I was sitting at a table outside a coffee shop at a large shopping center near our home. It was a warm, sunny day and I was enjoying doing some casual people watching.
At a nearby table sat three young people, one woman and two men who were enlisted personnel in the U.S. Navy. As I sat there I admired how neat they looked and how their strength and determination seemed to radiate from them. It made me feel good about the future of our nation.
A neatly dressed young woman passed by walking towards the parking area. She carried a package and I couldn’t help but notice her smooth, confident, comfortable stride.
Another young couple from a nearby table got up and walked away, hand in hand.
It was then the epiphany hit me. Each of these young people were going about whatever they needed to do and not thinking at all about how easy it was to stand up or how they could just walked along without a thought of needing assistance of any kind.
I thought how lucky these young men and women are and they don’t even realize it. I’m sure it never crosses their minds about the wonderful combination of circumstances that makes them able to do very complex things automatically.
“It’s too bad.”, I thought. “But they will learn if they are fortunate enough to live long enough to a time when these wonderful abilities are no longer there.”
Then the epiphany hit. “No. It’s not too bad they don’t realize this. It’s a good thing they don’t. Losing these abilities will come soon enough. Then there will be plenty of time to say, ”Too bad.”
It was not with envy that I thought this. It was more that I wished I had appreciated these abilities more when I did I have them.
But I suppose it’s just as well most young people are unaware of the amazing abilities they possess because if they realized how valuable these skills are they probably would spend too much time worrying about the time they might lose them. And really, that time isn’t all that bad. Certainly not worth wasting even one day of those wonderful youthful years.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 19, 2011
Yes, I think that’s it. I recently had a legitimate epiphany.
It was last Saturday and I was sitting at a table outside a coffee shop at a large shopping center near our home. It was a warm, sunny day and I was enjoying doing some casual people watching.
At a nearby table sat three young people, one woman and two men who were enlisted personnel in the U.S. Navy. As I sat there I admired how neat they looked and how their strength and determination seemed to radiate from them. It made me feel good about the future of our nation.
A neatly dressed young woman passed by walking towards the parking area. She carried a package and I couldn’t help but notice her smooth, confident, comfortable stride.
Another young couple from a nearby table got up and walked away, hand in hand.
It was then the epiphany hit me. Each of these young people were going about whatever they needed to do and not thinking at all about how easy it was to stand up or how they could just walked along without a thought of needing assistance of any kind.
I thought how lucky these young men and women are and they don’t even realize it. I’m sure it never crosses their minds about the wonderful combination of circumstances that makes them able to do very complex things automatically.
“It’s too bad.”, I thought. “But they will learn if they are fortunate enough to live long enough to a time when these wonderful abilities are no longer there.”
Then the epiphany hit. “No. It’s not too bad they don’t realize this. It’s a good thing they don’t. Losing these abilities will come soon enough. Then there will be plenty of time to say, ”Too bad.”
It was not with envy that I thought this. It was more that I wished I had appreciated these abilities more when I did I have them.
But I suppose it’s just as well most young people are unaware of the amazing abilities they possess because if they realized how valuable these skills are they probably would spend too much time worrying about the time they might lose them. And really, that time isn’t all that bad. Certainly not worth wasting even one day of those wonderful youthful years.
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 19, 2011
4/14/2011
THE HUMAN BODY
These days I've been more or less forced into thinking a lot about the structure of the human body. Whoever or whatever designed this piece of equipment did a marvelous job considering it was probably designed without the use of computers as it would be had it been done today.
I’ve read that there are more than 200 different bones in the human body and they work together using what seems to me a very complex system of levers, cables, hinges, pulleys and various other devices. At first glance it would seem amazing if it worked at all.
I wonder how many models were tested and failed before one worked successfully. I’ve read the Wright Brothers failed over and over before they made a machine that actually flew. It now seems fairly simple to make something fly and compared to making the human body work, flying would seem to be child’s play. Yet there seems to be little information available about how many failures the designer had before a human body was made to work in an acceptable fashion.
All in all, most human bodies seem to work fairly well though I question the designers choice of material for the framework. Perhaps at that time some sort of calcified mineral was the only material available to use for bones. Probably things like titanium hadn’t been discovered yet. That’s too bad because a human body with a skeleton made of titanium bones would be both light weight and strong so if a body happened to trip over something in a parking lot there would probably be no harm done at all.
Still, all in all, I tip my hat to the designer. After all, how many other things do we know where the original design is still being produced using the original equipment and methods?
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 14, 2011
I’ve read that there are more than 200 different bones in the human body and they work together using what seems to me a very complex system of levers, cables, hinges, pulleys and various other devices. At first glance it would seem amazing if it worked at all.
I wonder how many models were tested and failed before one worked successfully. I’ve read the Wright Brothers failed over and over before they made a machine that actually flew. It now seems fairly simple to make something fly and compared to making the human body work, flying would seem to be child’s play. Yet there seems to be little information available about how many failures the designer had before a human body was made to work in an acceptable fashion.
All in all, most human bodies seem to work fairly well though I question the designers choice of material for the framework. Perhaps at that time some sort of calcified mineral was the only material available to use for bones. Probably things like titanium hadn’t been discovered yet. That’s too bad because a human body with a skeleton made of titanium bones would be both light weight and strong so if a body happened to trip over something in a parking lot there would probably be no harm done at all.
Still, all in all, I tip my hat to the designer. After all, how many other things do we know where the original design is still being produced using the original equipment and methods?
The Old Professor
Carmel, CA
April 14, 2011
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